Home

8 - Never Say Never

Change.

Everything was changing by the second, one moment everything is so hectic and the next moment it's calm and okay. Peyton and I were currently decorating her half of the room and closet which was fun. She kept trying to make everything fit tight so she wouldn't take up much space but I made sure she had as much room as she needed, which she protested but I won most of the time.

When we were done we sat on the couch and flipped trough channels to see what was on, which we ended up finding an episode of the bachelor that had just aired a couple days ago so we decided to watch it. I started feeling myself become upset on how much this show just reminded me of back home and how nothing would ever be the same. Without even thinking I felt tears start to fall and my vision went blurry from the tears. I tried to wipe my tears off fast so she wouldn't notice but she had already caught on.

"Hey what's wrong?" She moved closer to me.

"This show just reminds me so much of when I was back home" I paused taking a deep breath "and how I can't go back" I looked down.

"What do you mean you can't go back? What happened?"

"I fucked up, big time" I said looking at her and watching her face turn into pure confusion.

I don't think I'll ever be ready to admit my truth but if I never say it, She'll never truly know who I am.

I unlock my phone and open the picture I took of Carter the twins and I when they were born. I slide the phone towards her and watch her analyze the picture. Seconds later she looks at me tears starting to form.

"Who are they?" She asks.

"That was my best friend, the girl I was madly in love with Carter and my- twin babies"

"Are they okay?" She asked

"Their 6 years old and healthy, no thanks to me" I said looking back down " when we conceived the twins we were all in a weird place, Carter had just found of something about her boyfriend but after everything they made up" "but she was already pregnant" "I loved her with all my heart peyton, she had been my everything since I met her but she wasn't mine" I cried " when the twins were born I knew that I had to go, I was selfish and I left and now I'm here" "they all think that I don't care but I do I just can't explain what I feel"

I feel her arms wrap around my shoulders as she hugs me. She grabs my face and starts to wipe the tears from my eyes. "I don't understand what your going trough and I never will and what you did was selfish and wrong, but you can't keep beating yourself up for it and I know that it's easier said than done but that happened Bryson, now this" she gestured around the room " this is what's happening right now, and what you do now is what counts. You can't change what you did but you can make things better if you just try" "and even if things don't get better you tried your best, but sitting here wondering what could of been won't bring back what was"

She sighs "I don't know what's going to happen and I'm terrified, but if you need me to be there when you face everything I will be here" "I might not know you as long as they all did but I know you right now and that's enough for me, because you have shown me nothing but how much of an amazing person you are" she hugs me "you are a good person Bryson you've just made some mistakes, that you need to make right" I look up at her "can I hug you?" I ask.

"Please" she whispers.

I hug her and just allow myself to take in everything about this moment.

After awhile we let go and she looks at me for a second "we're both broken for different reasons, but neither of us have to stay this way because we get to decide what we do next to make things better and we will"

"We will" I say looking down at my phone.

"Can I see the picture again?" She asks. I smile and hand her my phone.

She stares at it and just smiles "you both made beautiful babies"

"We did" I say.

"You'll see them again, I'm going to help you and we will do everything we have to but you'll see them again" "I promise" she says taking my hand in hers.

____________________________________
Update! Finally back writing, I missed it so much let me know what you think! Comment and Voteeee - Janie