~Please, Say You Won't Let Go~ Clouis

Chapter Eight: Not Enough for them (Louis' POV)

This is going to be the same day AND the day after Clementine and Aj went to the stream.

⚠️⚠️ALSO HUGE TW FOR CUTTING ⚠️ ⚠️

"Anyway, Aj and I are going to the stream thing. I will be back." She said.

I slowly got up and dragged myself to the piano room, locking the doors behind me.

I sat down at the piano and rested my hands on no specific keys, thinking about Clementine.

My hands balled up into fists as they slammed against the piano keys.

My Clem could die. But I shouldnt worry, right? She could handle herself? And Aj right? Yeah. I'm probably overthinking.

As my mind raced faster and faster, images of discusting, rotten walkers and their horrific looking mouths chewed up my girl and her little boy. Blood sprayed and screams were loud in my head and I couldn't stop.

I stood up, knocking over the piano stool as tears welled in my eyes and panic began to ensue.

I walked to the middle of the room and felt it closing in on me, my lungs feeling as though they were completely trapped as the air was squeezed out of them faster with every breath I took.

My heart rate quickened and my eyes felt like they were throbbing. A migraine quickly set in and mixed with the quick shallow breaths, the expirience became even more terrifying than my clueless self already was.

My knees were immediately pulled to the floor due to their sudden weakness and tears had now overflowed my eyes and spilled onto my shirt.

I needed to get away. Quickly.

I mustered up any energy I had left and pushed my aching, heavy body through the library doors, up the steps, and into my cold, dark, lonely dorm, locking the door behind me.

My body gave out just as I got to the bed and I floped on the stiff mattress, my breathing still moving as fast as lightning striking.

The hot tears had now stopped however my body was trembling now so in attempts to calm myself, I wrapped up in my blankets and covers.

I pulled up my sleeves and revealed some scars on my upper wrists, where Clem wouldn't have easily been able to find them if she looked again.

This time, I took good care in cleaning myself up however, as my mental sanity had declined, I began to cut few cuts in my arm.

It was only one and there wasn't very many but nevertheless, they were still there.

A symbol of my weakness and pain.

If I let anybody know, they'd probably throw me out on the streets.

I'd already been seen as useless and nobody and I mean nobody wants a man who cuts himself open to release his pain inside.

That makes me more of a weak man, more useless.

I fought the urge to put more marks on me as hard as I could but remembering the exhaustion the exercise had brought me also reminded me of the pain the exhaustion freed me of.

Allowing me to be swept away into a delirious dream that wasn't like the nightmares eased my pain too well.

So with that, my hand reached for the sharp object I usually used to mark myself and I began hacking away at my arm.

Allowing the blade to cut deep into me, drawing blood had already eased my mind in a different way.

Exhaustion finally swept over me and after I was done cleaning my arm up, I pulled my sleeve down, and laid my body down.