~Please, Say You Won't Let Go~ Clouis

Chapter Fourteen: Fight (Clem's POV)

⚠️Depression trigger warning!! Contains suicide conversation and servere depression as well as detail about depression from MY point of view. I'll put a Tldr at the very bottom so you can just scroll down to the bottom if you need to⚠️

Its starting to get harder now. Louis needs my support and Aj is growing up. I havent really talked to him in a while. I think hes mad at me because I spend alot of time with Louis but I dont blame him. He had to kill his first best friend and now hes stuck with Willy. Aj says that it's okay and Louis needs me more but I feel bad. I'm worried for Louis and his mental health because I dont think he is mentally stable but Aj also needs me. I'm not sure what to think or do.

...

I woke up and Louis was still hugging me from behind. I slowly wiggled out of his grip and immediately went to find Aj.

I quietly entered Willy's dorm and saw Aj sitting at the desk, sketching.

"Hey kiddo, whatcha drawing there?" I asked.

"Hi." He snapped back.

"Woah bud, who shit in your cereal this morning?" I joked, putting my hands up defensively and stepping back. (Kennyyyyy😭)

"Clem, you know the answers to almost ll of my questions so answer this one. You always spend so much time with Louis. I know you try but you never pay attention to me. I mean never. I know what I told you and at first I didnt mind but it's getting annoying now and it just happens over and over again. Everyday you ignore me now and I dont like it." He explained, turning around in his chair and Willy sat up from put of his sleep.

"Aj, I care about you so much. I raised you you're entire life practically! You mean the world to me but you need to understand that Louis is in a really really bad position right now." I told him, putting a hand on his shoulder.

"Mallory took care of me when you left." He snapped. (I dont know the girls name and I'm way too lazy to research it. The one who Clem killed in the final flashback at Mccarol ranch.)

"I'll leave you two at it." Willy got up and ran out of the room.

"Alvin Junior! I never wanted to leave you! I did what I had to do to make sure you did not die from something other people didnt care about! I risked both or our lives and that got you taken away from me! You dont realize what I did to get you back and hos much pain I endured and how much I had to fight with so many people in order to get you back. I hunted you down for a year and a half, tearing my way across Virgina looking for you! So dont try to tell me that I left when I did everything in my power to get you back!" I shouted as tears of anger formed in my eyes.

"I'm just saying that it's not that hard to give other people attention for twenty minutes a day." He said, turning back to his drawing.

I walked over to the bed as I rested my head on my hands, running them through my messy hair.

"Do you know what depression is?" I asked, drying the two tears running down my cheeks and sniffling.

"No." He said calmly, still drawing.

"Depression is a mental issue that many people before dealt with and many many more deal with now a days. Have you ever been sad to the point where you fel like you wanted to lay down on the ground and cry and wanted to disappear?" I asked simply.

"Like when we couldnt find food for a week and you thought we were going to die?" He questioned, turning around again to face me.

"Yeah, sort of. Well, depression is like that just 100 times worse. Some people have it like that, which is not as bad as it can get, but some people have it like Louis and some people have it worse than Louis. I'm worried about Louis because depression can get worse and I'm afraid that it will." I said.

"What happens when you get 'depression' as bad as Louis or worse than Louis?" He asked, sitting across the bed from me.

"Well Aj, depression is somewhat never ending. It can get better but it takes alot of everything for that to happen. Some people just cry, others might harm themselves purposefully. And others... might... do something... that they will regret. Louis is in a bad state right now and I need to make sure that he dowsnt do anything too harsh because it would hurt both of us alot." I shared.

"Is Louis hurting himself purposefully?" He asked.

"Rememeber how Louis ran away from the school for a few days? Then he came back and stayed next to the gate without eating or drinking? That was part of it. Louis felt like he was too much for us to take care of and he didnt want us to have to take care of him anymore. I talked to him and I'm going to tell you but you have to promise that tou will not tell anyone else about this and tou have to process it without making it a big deal." I said.

"Okay." He accepted.

"When he ran away, he told me that he wanted to be alone. Louis doesnt have his tounge so if he got attacked by anything, he couldnt scream for help. Especially with how far he went outside of the school. I know that if he truly wanted that, he knew full well that he was going to be killed or eaten by walkers and he was okay with it-" I explained as another tear rolled down my cheek and Aj cut me off.

"Wjy would he want that?! I hate it here too but I dont want to die!" He shouted but I quieted him.

"Before he ran away, i found him with a knife and right below his chest, there was a big, deep cut right across him. I helped fix him up but he isnt right right now and I need support from you so I can make sure he improves at least a little bit. So, can you understand why I've been so close to him? It's not "the teenager thing" as Violet puts it, it's more like I'm trying to make sure he is mentally stable so he doeant try anything like those things again." I spoke, now fighting the urge to cry.

"I'm sorry Clem. I didnt think it was like that. I'll help you with whatever you need. I'll do anything for you two. I promise. I'll stay away if you need me. Make sure hes okay. That should be your first. Ivetaken care of myself in worse ways before, I'll be okay." He promised.

"But another thing is that is that I consider you my son and you consider me as your mother. A mother needs to be there for her child. When this is all over, I will try my absolute best to make sure you dont end up having any mental roadblocks either. If you have a problem, come and find me or Louis. We will be there for you. We just cant be with you all the time. But we will always help you with any problems you might face." I promised.

"Okay." He said.

"Alright, well, come and give me a hug and we will go wake Louis up and hopefully make him laugh." I said as we hugged it out, and snuck down to my dorm laughing and coming up with a plan the whole way down.

I'm glad Aj could finally understand what was going on with me and Louis.

TLDR:

Clementine walks into Willys room to talk to Aj. Aj was woken up with a bad mood and gets easily mad at Clementine for not spending time with him and only caring about Louis. Clem explains to Aj the warning signs of depression and dangers for Louis if she iant careful and with him all the time. Aj simmers down as he tries to understand the emotional side of Clem and understand the new word as well as it's terrible meaning. At the end they make up foe each others outbursts and Aj finally understands the importance of Clem as the beam that holds two very sensitive people up from collapsing as well as trying to manage and teach herself as she goes alot. Then, they sneak down to the room (Clems dorm) where Louis is sleep as they make a plan to wake him up and make him laugh instead of the now usual sadness radiating from him.

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Hope you guys enjoy this book so far!! I'm going through many emotional roller coasters in my life right now with being in Quarantine from Covid-19 and decided to share the way I would explain depression to a clueless someone who wanted to know what it was but also without trying to hurt anyone as much as I could. I'm very excited and anxious to write the next part which might also be a bit triggering to some which I will also put a TLDR at the end as well.