~Please, Say You Won't Let Go~ Clouis

Chapter Fourteen: Fight (Clem's POV)

⚠️Depression trigger warning!! Contains suicide conversation and depression as well as detail about depression from MY point of view. I'll put a Tldr at the very bottom so you can just scroll down to the bottom⚠️

(also to clear up anything from the previous chapter, they didn't do anything but make out and fall asleep. Saving the rest for a real chapter for you guys to read lol)

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I woke up and Louis was hugging me from behind. I slowly wiggled out of his grip and immediately went to find Aj.

I quietly entered Willy's dorm and saw Aj sitting at the desk, sketching.

"Hey kiddo, whatcha drawing there?" I asked, walking up behind him.

"Hi." He snapped back in a very pissy attitude.

"Woah bud, who shit in your cereal this morning?" I joked, putting my hands up defensively and stepping back. (Kennyyyyy😭)

"Clem, you know the answers to almost all of my questions so answer this one. You always spend so much time with Louis. I know you try but you never pay attention to me anymore. I mean never. I know what I told you and at first, I didn't mind but it's getting annoying now and it just happens over and over again. I feel like you forgot about me." He explained, turning around in his chair and Willy sat up from out of his sleep.

"Aj, I care about you so much. I raised you your entire life; of course you mean the world to me, but you need to understand that Louis is in a really bad position right now." I told him, putting a hand on his shoulder.

"Helen took care of me when you left." He snapped, folding his arms and twisting his body away from me.

"I'll leave you two at it." Willy got up and ran out of the room in awkwardness.

"Alvin Junior! I never left you! I did what I had to do to make sure you did not die from something other people didn't care about! I risked both or our lives and that got you taken away from me! You don't understand what I had to do to get you back. I hunted you down for a year and a half, tearing my way across Virgina looking for you! So don't try to tell me that I left when I all I ever did since I was eleven years old was put you first!" I shouted as tears of anger formed in my eyes.

"I'm just saying that it's not that hard to give other people attention for twenty minutes a day." He said, turning back to his drawing.

I walked over to the bed as I rested my head on my hands, running them through my messy hair.

"Do you know what depression is?" I asked, drying the two tears running down my cheeks and sniffling.

"No." He said calmly, still drawing.

"Have you ever been so sad to the point where you felt like you wanted to die because you didn't know if anything would ever get any better?" I asked simply.

"Like when we couldn't find food for a week, and you thought we were going to die?" He questioned, turning around again to face me.

"Yeah, sort of. Well, depression is like that just 100 times worse and it never feels better. I'm afraid that's what Louis has. Some people have it less than Louis, some people have it more than Louis. Remember when I taught you about trauma before the boat? Depression can be caused by trauma and well, how would you feel if somebody told you that you talked too much and cut out your tounge so you couldn't speak anymore?" I spoke.

"What happens when you get 'depression' worse than Louis?" He asked, sitting across the bed from me.

"Well Aj, depression is somewhat never ending. It can get better, but it takes a lot of everything for that to happen. Some people just cry, others might harm themselves purposefully. And others... might... do something... that they will regret. Louis is in a bad state right now and I need to make sure that he doesn't do anything too harsh because it would hurt both of us a lot." I shared.

"Is Louis hurting himself purposefully?" He asked.

"Remember how Louis ran away from the school for a few days? Then he came back and stayed in our room without eating or drinking until I got back? That was part of it. Louis felt like he was too much for us to take care of and he didn't want us to have to take care of him anymore. I talked to him and I'm going to tell you, but you have to promise that you will not tell anyone else." I made him pinkie swear to me that he would keep our secret.

"Okay." He accepted, promising me back.

"Louis doesn't have his tounge so if he got attacked by anything, he couldn't scream for us to help. Especially with how far he went outside of the school. I know that if he truly wanted to be left alone, he knew full well that he was going to be killed or eaten by walkers and I'm afraid that he was okay with it-" I explained as another tear rolled down my cheek and Aj cut me off.

"Why would he want that?! I hate it here too but I don't want to die!" He shouted but I quieted him.

"Before he ran away, I found him with a knife and right below his chest, there was a big, deep cut right across him. I helped fix him up but he isn't right, right now and I need support from you so I can make sure he improves at least a little bit. So, can you understand why I've been so close to him? It's not "the teenager thing" as Violet puts it, it's more like I'm trying to make sure he doesn't try anything like those things again." I spoke, now fighting the urge to cry.

"I'm sorry Clem. I didn't think it was like that. I'll help you. I'll do anything for you two. I promise. I'll stay away if you need me. Make sure he's okay. That should be your first priority. I've taken care of myself in worse ways before, I'll be okay. I'm sorry for not seeing it that way before and being mean to you when you first came in here." He promised and apologized.

"But another thing is that is that I consider you my son and you consider me as your mother. A mother needs to be there for her child. When this is all over, I will try my absolute best to make sure you don't end up having any mental roadblocks either. If you have a problem, come and find me. I promise I will be there for you. I just can't be with you all the time. But I will always help you with any problems you might face." I promised.

"Okay." He said.

"Alright, well, come and give me a hug and we will go wake Louis up and hopefully make him laugh." I suggested as we hugged it out and snuck down to my dorm laughing and coming up with a plan the whole way down.

I'm glad Aj could finally understand what was going on with Louis.

TLDR:

Clementine walks into Willys room to talk to Aj. Aj was woken up with a bad mood and gets easily mad at Clementine for not spending time with him and only caring about Louis. Clem explains to Aj the warning signs of depression and dangers for Louis if she isn't careful. Aj simmers down as he tries to understand the emotional side of Clem and understands the new word as well as it's terrible meaning. At the end they make up for each other's outbursts and Aj finally understands the importance of Clem as the beam that holds two very sensitive people up from collapsing as well as trying to manage and teach herself as she goes. Then, they sneak down to the room (Clem's dorm) where Louis is sleep as they make a plan to wake him up and make him laugh instead of the now usual sadness radiating from him.

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Hope you guys enjoy this book so far!! I'm going through many emotional roller coasters in my life right now with being in Quarantine from Covid-19 and decided to share the way I would explain depression to a clueless someone who wanted to know what it was but also without trying to hurt anyone as much as I could. I'm very excited and anxious to write the next part which might also be a bit triggering to some.