~Please, Say You Won't Let Go~ Clouis

Chapter Sixteen: Problems (Clem's POV)

"I won't give up on you Louis. Not anymore." I promised as I cried against his chest.

My body shot up as I realized what had happened.

I ran out of the room and down the halls, out the doors and to the other building and to the nurse's station as I rummaged roughly through cabinets and drawers.

"You need help sug?" Ruby asked as she stepped into her sacred room.

"Louis... Louis had an accident. I need things to clean up cuts and blood and things to bandage them up." I stated quickly.

Ruby was quick to gather all the supplies and hand them to me.

"Is he okay?" She asked.

"Yeah? No? I need to fix him up. Then I need to have a conversation with him. I'll come get you tomorrow and explain if he's okay with it. Thank you so much!" I thanked and rushed out of the door and hastily made my way to the bathroom where Louis was.

I burst through the door and dropped all the things next to him as I quickly grabbed his right wrist and placed it flat on the ground gently.

I poured peroxide over the deep cuts which caused Louis to jolt awake and scream.

"Hey sweetheart, it's okay! I'm fixing you up! Try to stay still!" I stated loudly and clearly.

I grabbed a few of the many cotton squares and cleaned off the excess blood and wrapped clean ones around his wrist with stretchy gauze stuff and did the same with his other wrist.

"Louis, can I take you to your bed?" I asked nicely and he nodded.

I helped him to his room and lay him down as I sat on the edge of it and held his hands tightly in mine.

"I want to ask you questions and I want actual answers." I said and he nodded in response again.

"Since we're alone together, I want to know. Take a second to think about it. Do you think you're depressed in some way?" I asked.

Louis tilted his in frustration, thinking I was going to break again and he might lash out at me like he did earlier.

"Louis, I'm not going anywhere. I wont run away. I wont breakdown like I did in the forest. I want to know you're thoughts so I can help you to the best of my ability. I want you to be honest with me." I said.

"No." He signed, "I'm okay."

"I love you." I stated.

"I love you most. Do you think differently?" He questioned.

I looked down at my hands which started to fiddle around. Something I often caught when Louis was having trouble with something on his mind. I put them to my sides and looked up at him with weary eyes. I wanted to say yes so badly but my heart was already shattered by the prior years of heartbreak and loss of so many people I held in my heart. My brain longed for a truthful answer but my heart wanted to lie.

"I..." I studdered.

I couldnt make up my decision. Do I say yes and tell the truth? Or do I say no but lie? I had to be honest to him but at the same time, I didnt want him to panic or he could have another panic attack or another depressed episode that I had already seen many before.

"Its okay. You can tell me. If I tell you the truth, you tell me the truth too. It's only fair." He signed sloppily.

I sighed, "You mean everything to me. All the heartbreak. All the loss of the people I was closest to. All the murders I had committed to innocent and guilty people. Everything I had ever done in this life is all worth it because I met you. You saved me. I had so much guilt and so much pressure on me to take care of Aj and teach him what I had to learn. Some days, i felt like giving up. But I'm glad I didnt. Because I met you. You're the sunshine in my darkness. Tounge or not, you will always be mine for as long as I can possibly call you that. I didnt come all this way, fight for you, and drag myself through eight long, terrifying, and traumatic years just to see my only light grow into darkness and combine with my colorless life. You have shown me things I forgot over the past years. You taught me to forget about all the bad things. Let them go. They didnt matter. You said that the past is the past. The only problem with that is that I cant forget the past. Lee, Kenny, Rebecca, Omid, Christa, Alvin, Arvo, Bonnie, Javi, Gabe, Tripp, Ava, Ben, Luke, David, Duck, Carley, Carver, Kate, Katjaa, Lilly, Larry, Doug, Glenn, Nick, Sarah... everyone. I cant forget. I just cant. And if you try to make me forget that you existed by putting yourself six feet under the ground just because of a lost tounge, that will hurt more than anyone I've ever lost. So whatever you do that's long term for any single person in this school, just know, that it'll stick and wont let go. Ever."

Louis stared at me blankly with glossed over eyes. His cheeks were pink and his body stopped moving except for breathing shallowly.

He sat there motionless in front of me, comprehending each and every word I had just said.

He stood up, emotionless and grabbed a piece of paper and a pencil and began to write at the desk in his room.

"I'm sorry Clem. I'm hurting. I'm hurting alot. More than you could think. I try to tell you things but I find hard to do because I want to seem strong. I'm weak. I take people down with me. I drag others to my hellfire as I'm being pulled down farther. I dont want to do that but I need something. Something to take the pain away. Something to stop my mind from the terrible things. Something that distracts me from the real world that is so painful." The note read as he handed it me.

"I wanted to make the point across to you and I couldnt find a way to do it. I still cant. This should not be how you handle your pain. You shouldnt have to distract yourself. The world can be just as beautiful as it is painful. If you open your eyes just a bit more, you might be able to see the color in what seems to be the colorless thing ever. There are other ways to do that if you need it. Not cutting. Not running away from your home. Not physical or mental pain. Try something enjoyable. Aj draws. I zone out to my own world. One filled with colors and creatures that help me get through. You maybe to find your colors. Your happiness is not a grey and black canvas. Your happiness is your piano. Thw dark color that is not red and wont stain your wrists with terrible scars." I suggested.

"That's gone Clem. My music is gone. My voice was taken. Its not the piano that gave me the hope. It was singing. I longed to sing everyday and every night. I'd go without sleep just so I could sing. I wouldn't have to listen to anything else but my own voice that showed me who I was. Now it's gone. Theres not sense in the piano if I cant sing along." He wrote more.

"Then we need to find something else that will bring you back your hope." I said as I gripped tightly onto his soft, chilly hands.

"Give me examples." He lipped to me.

Without any words returning his request, I leaned in close to him and pushed my lips to his. He leaned into the gesture as I lightly bit his bottom lip before we finally broke apart.

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This chapter might sound a bit different. Comment if you liked this one better than the other ones cuz they're different.

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