Save Me? (on hold)

Wanting to give up

Chapter 4

I woke up the next morning with a heap load of guilt sitting inside me. What did I do what I did last night? Why do you always have to stuff things up?  I let thoughts drift inside my head for a while before getting up.

I walked outside and Liam was making breakfast. He was wearing elmo and cookie monster boxers with a white shirt.

“Morning.” I say as I walk towards the kitchen.

“Good morning love, sleep well?” He looked up. I nodded and grabbed some juice.

“What’s on the agenda today Mr. Payne.” I asked. He gave an evil look and threw a bit of watermelon at me.

“Anything you guys want to do, I might go see Danielle today and I think Louis is going to El’s house to see her.” He said.

“Cool, ill ask Harry, Zayn and Niall what they wanna do after.” I said sipping on my juice.

“Well good luck with Zayn, he wont be out of till noon so it’ll just be you, Harry and Niall.” He added. I laughed.

After breakfast I got changed into my light pink jeans, with a “never ending fun” t-shirt and some black toms. I left my wavy hair down and applied light makeup.

I walked out and everyone except Zayn was eating there breakfast.

“Morning sleeping beauties.” I yelled. They turned and laughed.

“Morning.” They said in unison.

“Hey Louis I’ve always wanted to ask you this.” I said. He looked confused.

“And that is.” He responded. Sassy Louis.

“Where did Kevin go?” I smiled. He looked down and pretended to cry.

“He left me for a girl penguin and now he lives all the way in Africa with three piguinettes.” He fake cried. I laughed and pretended to comfort him.

“Poor Lou, you’ll find him again someday, if not we will get you a new penguin.” I rubbed his back. He bolted up and had a hissy fit.

“I WANT MY KEVIN, I WANT HIM NOW.” He jumped up and down like a little boy wanting chocolate cake. Everyone started laughing except Harry, he went up to Louis and cuddled him. Rubbing his back. He whispered “there there” to him and Louis immediately stopped. How did he do that?

“Okay so im going to see Danielle now okay, I’ll be back in a few hours boys..and girls.” He smirked. I smiled and he left.

“Okay now that dads gone can we muck around and have fun?” Niall asked. He was still eating his 7 pancakes and muesli. How can that boy consume all that food with getting fat, if I ate as much as him I would be so fat.

“Sorry boys im off to see Elly Belly.” Louis said walking down the hall.

“Well that leaves u three then.” Harry said.

“I cant be bothered going out did you want to play dance party and wii sport.” I yawned.

“Sure, ill set it up.” Harry said kneeling down next to him.

“Niall come join us when you’re down.” I shouted from the lounge.

“You know he likes you right?” Harry whispered as I knelt down beside him.

I decided to ignore what he said and continue to pull out games.

“He does.” He added.

“So.” Was all I could say. I didn’t want to get into any drama with boys. Not right now anyway.

“Don’t pretend you don’t care, I can see the way you look at each other.” Harry said.

“Well im confused Harry.” I sighed.

“Why?” He asked.

“Well let’s see, you kissed me on the Ferris wheel and then last night, even though you knew he liked me.” I was now a little annoyed. He looked at me with guilt. He stood up and walked out of the room. I heard a slammed door. I turned around to see Niall there frozen. Was he there the whole time?

“How much did you hear?” I asked.

“Enough to make me realise what a jerk Harry is.” He replied. He stormed out and I followed him.

“Niall don’t, for me.” I begged. I grabbed his shirt and he turned around.

“When Harry kissed me both times, it meant nothing, maybe not to him but I felt zero sparks, please don’t be angry.” I begged him. I could see he was hurt.

He nodded and walked past me. I felt alone. Then I remembered Zayn was still in bed.

I walked into Zayn’s room and he was still asleep. I crept in and lied on the empty side of the bed. I lied down and stared at the ceiling. This was my fault, all this time Harry was trying to make a move on me and I just led him on even though I had tiny feelings for Niall. What have I done? What can I do? All these thoughts were too much.

I walked to the bathroom and shut the door, I looked for any sharp object. I found a blade from a razor that had fallen off and was left in a cupboard.

I took a deep breathe, I was crying silently for about 5 minutes now. My cries got louder as I dragged the sharp blade across my skin.

I sat there with a bloody wrist away from any drama. I hated my life, why did everything I touch get destroyed? I buried my hands into my face sobbed. I hated my life.

“Kailee?” I heard a voice say. I looked up and saw Niall standing there.

“Just leave me alone Niall, I don’t want to talk.” I sobbed. I buried my head in my hands again so he didn’t see me cry.

“Look im staying whether you like it or not.” He demanded. I didn’t answer.

“Kailee, you said you wouldn’t cut again, what happened this time?” He asked. I knew he was crouching in front of me.

“Everything, I just hate my life, I wish I was dead, this never should’ve happened, why wouldn’t you just let me jump?” I cried. I looked up and wiped my tears, I didn’t care if I looked like a troll anymore.

“Please don’t say that Kailee, you know you don’t mean it.” He said. He was stroking my back.

“I do Niall, as much as you hate to hear it, I actually mean it.” I looked up.

“Look, I know what you need.” He smirked.

“What?” I mumbled.

“A HORAN HUG.” He yelled. I leaned in and he gave me a nice, warm hug.