constellations [DISCONTINUED]

sagitta

Saturday's first five minutes were a breeze. I woke up, put on a robe, tied up my hair and drank a glass of water, as usual, but then a simple sentence coming from my phone was enough to put a frown upon my face

Blythe
10:38am  we have to finish up the research part today.
10:38am  want to swing by mine?

You
Sure, I guess.  10:55am

'I can't believe I have to see him, he didn't even apologize for yesterday!' I thought, mad at Gilbert's attitude towards Gabriel. He had someone, Ruby, and I never complained about it, but suddenly I have coffee with a guy and he can get mad at me? No way. I threw a Queen shirt, a denim skirt, tights and a thick coat, not bothering to put on makeup or have proper breakfast and walked to Gilbert's house. When I got there, Gilbert opened the door on his pajamas and gestured me to come in. The house was warm and inviting, big and built of dark wood, the place was perfect for cozy fall days like that one.

"Do you want some hot chocolate? I made it for us, it's a bit chilly out there."

"No. Thanks." My answer sounded dry, as I intended.

"Everything okay?"

"Yes."

"Fine..."

He served chocolate in two ceramic glasses and sat down at the kitchen table. I stood up straight. He looked me and I pretended to be doing anything else at that moment.

"Sorry."

"Beg your pardon?" I heard what he said, I just needed to hear it again.

"I'm sorry, for freaking out about Gabrielle—"

"It's Gabriel, he's a guy."

"Then Gabriel, sorry for freaking out about him. It's great you have a boyfriend." I heard his words but they didn't sound genuine, at least not the last sentence.

"Thanks. Apology accepted. And he's not my boyfriend."

"If we're good, we're good. So... you really don't want that hot chocolate?"

"Since you're asking so nicely..." I tried to contain my smile "Okay, I'll cut the bullshit, pass me the damn chocolate, Blythe!" I said, giving up in hiding "And don't ever treat me like that again, understand?"

"Yes ma'am!" We laughed.

"By the way, how are you and Ruby doing?"

"Uh, we're fine, we're good..." His voice suddenly went high pitched, and I looked at him doubtful "...or not. I don't know, Anne. She seems kind of distant, I don't think we're working out. She's great and stuff but I just don't think we're meant to be." He shrugged.

"Meant to be? Wow, I never thought I'd hear Dr. Blythe say that. But I guess... I guess if you think so, you should tell her."

"And I will!" He was quick to answer "As soon as possible, I just want to figure out how..."

At that moment I was sitting across from him, but as soon as I saw his eyes, I got up to go to the chair by his side "There won't ever be a right time." I put my hand on his shoulder "Or a right place, or a right phrase. There's only the right thing to do, and the right thing to do is to stop something that isn't making both of you happy."

"Thank you." He put his hand over mine, I squeezed his shoulder "You're so smart, Carrots. Smarter than I'll ever be."

I slapped him in the back of his neck "I want to win you fair and square, not with you bullshitting and giving it up, you're smart too, Blythe. Now lets go do some work, huh?"

We spent the whole afternoon in between research and play fighting, stepping on intellectual conversations and dumb tangents about rom coms, keeping out focus on but sometimes slipping on laughter. I had not thought about anyone or anything else in those hours, not about Diana, not about Ruby, not about Gabriel. At some point, when we finished what we had to finish and started a pillow fight, I fell over Gilbert, laughing on top of him, him chuckling under me. Before I could process it, his hands were in my waist and our noses were awfully close. His breathing was shaky and I could feel his heart beating almost as fast as mine, his fingers were lightly tugging my clothes and skin and he examined my whole face. As I did to his.

— You don't have makeup on. — He spoke softly
— I don't.
— I can see all your freckles, Anne.
— You can.
— You look beautiful.
— I... do?
— You do.

And before I could answer he kissed me, kissed me so passionately that I melted into a body of emotions and voice, no reason, no thinking, just my emotions and me. My hands delicately tangled in his hair and moved to his face, and I could feel him smile every now and then. Soon enough, he sat us up, I was sitting sideways on his lap and he moved my hair behind my ears, breaking the kiss, not taking his eyes off of me.

— We're not drunk, Gilbert.
— And this wasn't as sloppy.
— We have no excuse.
— Do you regret what just happened?
— Do you?
— No. Do you?
— No. I don't.
— Do you want to keep on doing it.
— Not right now, if you don't mind.
— Absolutely. Do you want to watch a movie? I can put on Jane Eyre, I've never watched it and I'm sure you'll be better than me on judging if it's good or not.
— Okay.
— Okay.

He took me off his lap, but still not far from him, turning on the television. The movie started and I was doing everything in my power to focus on it, but I couldn't, with his arm around my shoulder and his thumb tracing circles on my skin.

We were not drunk. We didn't have any excuse. We didn't have no defenses.