The Seven Voices

Part 4: Heavens past

In the past I was always bullied.  No matter what I did,  talk, listen,  or even just breathe,  I was bullied.  So bad to the point I started to self-harm.  I started to self-harm in 6th grade,  but didn't tell my parents till 7th grade.  It was like a get-away for me.  To get away from the bullies, the pain, the world,  my life.  It was the only thing there for me, or I thought it was. I didn't let anyone know I was self-harming but my best friend at the time. Her name was Mary Elizabeth, and then she told me to kill myself,  and I almost did, but then I thought of everybody that cared for me. Anyway, let's get back to the story..
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"what are you doing you idiot " said one of the voices in my head, his name is Grey.  "I'm trying to figure this out.  This problem is hard." I thought to myself.  "well your a dumb ass.  Just give up." I sighed.  "please stop" I said to him. "but why? You deserve it." I thought about what he had said and I gave up. I didn't ask for help, I didn't even glance at the teacher.  I just went through it as fast as possible. 

All my life I had been told I was fat,  and ugly,  and worthless,  and a bitch, and a slut,  and much more but not by my family.  I can't help now but to think those things of me. I'm kind of used to it now. People have also told me I'm a hypocrite.  But am I when I don't like being touched?

People don't understand what I go through everyday,  and they have no idea how hard I'm trying to basically stay alive from my own thoughts.  Some days I drown in my own thoughts,  'why am I an idiot?' 'how could I do that?' 'why are you here?'. But people that can relate to me can also agree with me on this,  life for us is hard.  I mean,  struggling with severe depression and severe anxiety,  suffering from a personality disorder, suffering from not being touched because you ate it.  Suffering from self hate.  It is painful.  And emotional.

Never have I thought that people would be so cruel to me.  In the 8th grade, my Ex-girlfriend told me that she had planned my death and that it would happen soon. But I just sat there everyday in class wondering when it would happen.  But it never did. 

Many people hate me,  Haileigh, Cameron,  Bryce,  etc.  Many people, they bully me to the point I started self-harming again.  People don't realize anything that happens in my life.  My life at home is good.  Sometimes I hate the fact that bullies are bullies. They need to be nice and respectful of others.  I have been treated like dog Shit for these past years and I still am but not by family.
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TO BE CONTINUED!!