Spark in the darkness (Inspired by Why Don't We)

1. A fraction of the sorrow

The wooden door to the room seemed too massive and unpersonal and I was almost sure that I had burned a hole into it with my constant stare.

I couldn't tell how long I have been standing there before opening it. But when I did, a spark of hope filled my mind as if I could find Cay there, sitting on his bed with his guitar in his hands, strumming it lightly and singing quietly. 

However, the room was empty and my ears filled that torturing silence. He was gone. My little brother was gone forever and he had taken with him also my soul.

Five days passed from that day when my life turned on its head. It was hard to believe that five days ago I went to school with my always positive and optimistic younger brother beside me.

He used to hum songs to himself quietly all the time, even at school. Sometimes he was told not to do it, but because everyone liked him, he always got away with it. His voice was beautiful, just as his face.

He could sing everything from rock to the most romantic balads. When I had a bad day, he knew it without me even telling him so. He could put a smile on my face at any time. He and his words of encouragement that always made me believe that I could do it. He, his guitar and voice, singing me the nicest songs of all time, completely calming me down and helping me out of it.

And now he was gone. My family was destroyed by his tragic death. The driver took not only my innocent Cay, but also our faith in everything. We were left in sorrow and every family member was trying to put up with it their own way.

Our mom started to clean the whole house even more than she already did. She was wandering around the house like a lost soul, trying to remove everything that reminded her of the accident, which was in my point of view a murder. She removed Cay's sneakers, her blouse that she was wearing that day and also dad's jacket.

Our dad was looking out of the window with a stern expression on his face almost non stop.

And me.... I looked like a ruin and also felt like one.

My blue eyes, the same as Cay's ones, looked dead, the spark completely disappeared. My cheeks were pale like the walls. I haven't combed my long blonde hair since that day. I looked like a ghost of the girl I used to be.

I wondered how would Cay react if he saw us being so miserable. He would definitely say something as: "Head up, it's not the end of the world." But somehow, it was the end of the world, the end of my world.

Knowing my brother's life ended at fifteen was the worst feeling I have ever experienced. The pain in my chest that I was feeling from his loss was so strong that it almost knocked me to my knees.

The grief was so intense and ubiquitous that it became part of me. I didn't go to school that week, because I wouldn't handle all those commiserative looks and words.

I took a deep breath and looked around Cay's room. His personality was almost screaming at me from everything that was in the room.

On the wall, which was opposite the door, were hung the photos. I walked there instinctivelly and smiled tiredly at them.

On the first one, there was me and Cay in a hug, both of us smiling happily. It was taken on Cay's last birthday, which was five months ago.

On the second one there was our whole family on a holiday. On the third one he was with his mates from the athletics club. All of them were sporty and muscular, but Cay was tall and really slim. He was smiling there, just like he always did. I couldn't recall any moment when he would be frowning. Cay was embodiment of happiness and optimism.

My eyes welled up with tears once again and I decided to let them fall. My blurred sight fell to the guitar which was placed beside his bed. I bent down to touch it, just to hold on to the piece of wood he loved so much.