Spark in the darkness (Inspired by Why Don't We)

10. Reason to live

I was still feeling the tingling sensation on my lips from my first kiss. My lips were burning with the memory of Jack's velvet lips touching mine and my heart was racing of euphoria. 

With every beat of my heart I was feeling more alive then ever.

When I lifted my eyes to see Jack's reaction, he was smiling romantically at me. My heart skipped a beat, because in that moment he looked like an angel.

We started acting normal just a few minutes later, which left me wondering why had he kissed me. Was it because he liked me or just because that I was crying?

Then it hit me with its full force. I was sure that he kissed me only because he felt sorry for me. Yes, that was it.

I felt my heart sink when I told myself that Jack only kissed me to stop me from crying. And I felt mad at myself for letting it happen, because now I was depending on him more than before.

I expected him to say that he liked me or just to ask me to be his girlfriend. But obviously, it didn't happen. I always fell in love with the wrong boy.

I felt on the verge of crying, that day for the second time, so I tried to get out of his sight as soon as possible.

I stood up and said awkwardly, looking everywhere but in his eyes since he would tell that I was lying. "Well, I have to go home. It was a tough day, but thank you for listening to me." I faked a smile and saw Jack's brows knitting in confusion.

"Okay. Had I done something wrong?" He questioned and I felt almost guilty for my behaviour towards him. But then I remembered that he kissed me out of compassion. It hurt me.

All I wanted was him to kiss me because he felt something for me, not because he felt sorry for me. I could feel the tears forming in the corner of my eyes.

I shook my head. "No, you hadn't. I just need a rest."

He must have sensed the change in me, because he nodded slowly, his eyes were full of concern and maybe...hurt?

He only said. "I'll text you later, yeah?" He looked me in the eyes like he was searching for the reason that would explain my sudden change of behaviour. I said. "Okay. Bye."

I heard him saying. "Bye, Emma." I had to force myself to walk away and don't turn around my shoulder.

As soon as I stepped into my room, I felt the tears pouring out of my eyes. I started to analyze my and his actions and wondered if he really kissed me out of compassion.

Of course he did. There was no way that he could possibly like a girl as broken and shy as me.

I just curled myself into a ball and cried. The moment when our lips met was the most beautiful time of my life.

In that moment I wished I had Cay here. I could practically picture him standing in front of me with his never-fading bright smile that revealed his straight teeth.

He would embrace me into his warm hug, where I felt safe even in the darkest times, and tell me that I was beautiful and great girl.

It just made me cry even more. Then, I decided to go to his favourite place to be closer to him.

There was a bench under the big tree near our house and you could see the whole town from there. The lights of the town, especially in the dark, were making the calmest atmosphere.

Cay used to sit there with his telescope on warm summer nights, watching the stars. Or he could be found here when he had a bad day or simply just when he was thinking about important things.