Spark in the darkness (Inspired by Why Don't We)

20. Meant to be

After I said it, I felt immediately bad for Ashley, in case that I was mistaken and she wasn't in love with Mike. But from my point of view it was absolutely making sense. She was upset every time that Mike and I hugged or when he defended me or tried his hardest to make me smile.

I thought about what had Cay told me in my dream, that Mike and Ash spent a lot more time together when I was drowning in sorrow, trying to cope with the loss and pain. During the two months they must have grown a lot closer, I noticed they were telling each other more than they told me but until now I didn't pay attention to it.

It takes a little while to fall in love, I was speaking from my experience. It started out as a warm feeling of acception, that Jack let me be myself, he understood and didn't pressure me, yet he still somehow managed to make me smile and make me feel comfortable. And then, out of the sudden, in a matter of a few days I started to develop a very strong emotional attachment towards him, which then turned into a proper affection.

I wouldn't be that surprised if something like that happened to Ashley too.

I looked her straight in the eyes and repeated. "Ash, do you have a crush on Mike? Is that why you're acting so weird?"

She gasped. "No way! I'm not acting weird, I'm completely normal." She faked a smile, but I saw through her grey eyes into her soul and saw fear there. Fear of ruining our friendship, fear of losing Mike or me. I felt sorry for her.

I sighed and leaned closer to her. "Ashley, it's okay if you like him. You know I don't see him in that way, you're free to make the first step, you know." I smiled at her encouragingly, but she just shook her head.

"He doesn't want me, Em. He loves you, don't you understand? I'm the one he tells about how he's feeling. If I'm acting strange, it's just because I'm desperate. I don't have a crush on him, I'm actually in love with him and I can't make it stop." She admitted, looking at the ground, fiddling with her thumbs.

I was left speechless and for a few moments didn't know what to do. Then I asked. "Why didn't you tell me? How long have you been feeling like this?" I was feeling guilty for not being there for her.

She looked me in the eyes. "I promised him I wouldn't tell you. Besides, you weren't ready for this conversation and I don't blame you, you had other troubles that you had to cope with. I didn't want to make it even worse for you.

I've always liked being around him, but when I noticed the way he was looking at you before the accident, something broke inside of me. I'm not the type of girl he wants anyway. I'm not sweet, smart, gorgeous and innocent. I'm not lovely like you are, God, I'm not even as nice as you are."

I hugged her tightly and whispered. "Ash, don't ever say this again, please. You're an amazing girl! You are funny, cool and hot! You're the definition of perfection, look at you, you're a cheerleader, plus you're incredibly hardworking and caring.

Why would you even want to be like me? Broken, sad, struggling to keep her balance. You were always the prettier out of us two."

She smiled at me halfly, so I continued. "If you want, I'll help you to be with Mike. I know what you want to say. I'm sorry for being so harsh at him, now I fully understand why you were always on his side. I'm sorry for hurting him, because I know that if the person you love is hurting, you're going through hell as well. And trust me, I didn't want to hurt any of you.

Mike will be all crazy over you, I promise. I'll help you." I smiled at her, feeling so excited of the idea of my two best friends dating.

She looked at me with her eyes wide open. "What if it ruins our friendship?" I shook my head resolutely. "No way. It will make us stronger."