Spark in the darkness (Inspired by Why Don't We)

5. Light

Someone should really teach us how to get back your mental health. Was the first thought that crossed my mind on Friday when I stepped into the overcrowded school's entrance hall.

All of the people were chatting and laughing, while I was absolutely silent. But this time I was fully aware of what was going on around me.

I combed my hair in the morning, which was a huge success. When I walked through the door in my class, I noticed all of my classmates staring at me. They didn't know how to act around me anymore, because they were afraid of my reaction. I couldn't blame them. I didn't know how to treat myself either.

Since Wednesday, when I tried to commit suicide, I couldn't look at myself in the mirror. Yes, I was that sick of myself. I completely lost even the last traces of my self-respect.

I continued in wearing black colour, because I didn't really feel like dressing in any other to be fair.

When I sat myself down on the chair next to Ashley, I whispered. "Hi." I sounded so shy and desperate that I wanted to throw up of myself. I felt like I didn't deserve her friendship. Which I probably lost already thanks to my behaviour.

She looked my way, surprised that I addressed her. Her ginger hair swept over her back when she smiled. "Hi." She didn't say anything else, unsure if she could.

I didn't say anything as well. It was the most I spoke to her in the past seven weeks.

My longest conversation was on Wednesday with the boy that I didn't even know. I realized that I didn't know his name. I promised myself that I would find him and apologize for my unadvised action. And I wanted to say 'Thank you' to him, because he was the reason why I stayed alive.

I couldn't believe how much I relied on him. It was just him who made me think about my actions.

I knew I had to start over, I couldn't keep on drowning in depression. And I decided that I wouldn't go to the psychologist. I just had to be stronger. For Cay.

Going to school was just a routine for me. I sat there and stared to nowhere the whole time, because I couldn't get myself to the point to actually do something and to be fair, no one even wanted to push me to start paying attention. I was in too deep of my own thoughts and sorrow. There was no space for anything else.

When the school finally ended, I headed home. I decided to go and look to the skate park, because I really felt an urge to thank him for what he did to me. It was the most that anyone has done for me since Cay passed away.

Soon enough I was walking into the parking lot and surprisingly, it was abandoned once again. A strong feeling of fear and disgust clenched my throat when I remembered what I almost did.

I passed the wall I was standing on the other day and got to the staircase that led to the skate park, which was under the parking lot.

As soon as I got to the middle of the stairs, I heard a loud sound of a skateboard which was going up and down.

I had to fight with my nervousness that suddenly occured in me. I wasn't really sure what should I say or how should I act. It's been a long time since I had a proper conversation with someone at my age.

I was always very shy and introverted, but since Cay disappeared from my life it got even worse.

I took a few more steps and saw the skater boy, who had saved my life, doing crazy tricks on his skateboard. He jumped up and fell back onto the skateboard and continued in skating.

I was fascinated by his actions. It has been a while since I was interested in something. He looked like the gravity wasn't a thing for him. He looked like he could fly. And for a one crazy moment I wanted to feel as free as him, to leave my problems at the ground and fly.