Spark in the darkness (Inspired by Why Don't We)

13. Golden betrayal

"I wish you were here, Cay. I miss you and every beat of my heart reminds me of the fact that now I'm here on my own." I whispered, my voice cracking at the end of my speech.

I was looking at the desk made of marble that had Cay's name written on it. Fifteen years of life, how cruel that is?

Visiting Cay's grave became part of my week routine. I went there every Saturday to inform him what was going on in our lives. It may sound dumb, but telling Cay's photo that was hung on the tombstone what was new was one of the most natural things to me, because it didn't feel like he left. 

When I was in the cementery, it felt really suffocating at first, however, it made me feel calm and peaceful knowing that I was next to my brother for a little while.

I closed my eyes, breathing in sharply, because the moment when Cay's coffin was put under the ground emerged in front of my eyes and I couldn't make it disappear. The hot tears made their way onto my cheeks, but I carried on speaking.

"So I started jogging with Jack, it's tough but I hope I'll be getting better soon. Dad is about to get the garden ready for the summer, mom is slowly getting better and me...I'm trying my best to get in shape before the race, because I will complete your wishes, I promise."

I sighed, then added. "And today I'm going with Jack to a party, where we'll be meeting his friends. I have no idea what to wear and I'm a little scared as well. I'm sorry for going there, it passed a little time since you're not here..." A tear escaped out of my eye when I said.

"I'm feeling so guilty for having fun when you're not here anymore. Forgive me, please." I sobbed, getting very sad again. But it was the first time after four days that I cried. That was positive.

Cay's smile was shining brightly from the photo. I felt the urge to hug him, but I knew I couldn't. That thought made my heart even weaker.

I pressed my hand onto the cold glass that was protecting Cay's photograph from the rain and sun. It didn't have the effect I was hoping for, but at least it gave me a little bit of comfort.

I smiled through the tears. "I love you, bro. I'll come back soon."

It cost too much of energy to turn around and head back home, since it felt like I was leaving him alone at the scary place. He used to be scared of cementeries when he was little. I smiled lightly at the memory of him always clutching onto my hand, holding it for dear life every time we went to the cementery.

On the way back home I got a message. I smiled when I read it.

Get ready, Ems, the party starts at 7.

I typed back. I'll be ready soon. What should I be wearing?

Jack replied in a second. Whatever you want, something sexy ;) But not that much sexy, though, since the boys would want to steal you from me :)

I blushed and he wasn't even with me. I replied. Relax, Jacky. I'm all yours ;)

I got an answer. You better be, babe ;)

I bursted out laughing at the craziness of my boyfriend. Before Jack I had never had one, so now it was the first time for me to experience love in all its forms.

When I got home I told my dad. "Dad, I'm going to a party with Ashley, Mike and Jack. I'll be back at midnight, okay?"

A little frown appeared on my dad's face. "Emma, honey, you never go to parties. I would prefer if you invited your friends over and you could just be chilling here." He stated.

I sighed. "Dad, I won't drink, I promise. Please, let me go." I put on my puppy dog's face and he gave in. "Okay, you can go, but be careful. Stay near Mike, I trust him that he will protect you from anything bad." I giggled and said. "Don't tell him though. He'd take you too seriously." My dad just laughed.