Spark in the darkness (Inspired by Why Don't We)

16. No regrets

It was way harder to solve the equations on my own, without Jack's help. It was like I was finally opening my eyes and I wasn't very pleased about what I was seeing. To be honest, I was horrified.

There were so many things that I had to catch up on, starting with maths and ending with the preparation for the race. 

It was Sunday morning and I was stuck at home, panicking over my grades and homework. I had no idea how was I supposed to improve. But the main reason why I was locked up in my room was the fact that I was totally terrified of facing Mike after the incident on Friday night.

I knew I had hurt him bad, however, his feelings towards me shook me all up, because I didn't know how to deal with it. My phone was buzzing the whole Saturday with Mike's apologies, until he finally gave it up.

Jack said I should make up with him, but I wasn't that sure about it. How can I be friends with someone, who doesn't see me as one? That would be hurting him even more, knowing he had no chance with me.

I sighed. Why life has to be so complicated?

The equations stopped making sense, because my mind was wandering around, thinking about the unsolvable problem with Mike. Who was I kidding, it hadn't even started making sense.

I rested my head on the table, trying to steady my breathing. I didn't know how to sort this problem out.

That day was one of the ones when I desperately prayed to God to let me fall asleep and have a conversation with Cay. The problem with Cay was that not every time that I needed him he appeared in one of my dreams, almost as he was testing me what I could handle. Or maybe he was assuming I could deal with it on my own.

I closed my eyes and suddenly remebered our late night conversations when sleep wasn't coming to any of us.

We would sit in my bedroom, just under the window, our back leaning against the wall, talking about our problems and wishes.

We would laugh at each other's bad ideas and just hang out. I remembered he once told me. "You know, I really think Mike is having a crush on you." He looked me in the eyes, while I was still processing his words. I laughed. 

"Definitely not. Cay, we're best friends." He shrugged. "And what? Even best friends can fall in love with each other." He smiled like he knew something I didn't.

I shook my head. "That's not our case."

He looked at me. "What if it is? I mean, he cares about you a lot. Sometimes he gives me the feels like 'I'm her best friend, more than you are'." His eyes were sparkling and I knew instantly he was playing with me, but still felt the need to defend him.

"He would never think this, you're my brother and he knows it."

A soft, almost hesitant knock on the door pulled me back to reality, to the world where existed no justice and no Cay.

I frowned. "Come in!"

The door opened carefully, revealing a puffy-eyed shaking Mike, who looked like a shadow of the nice and good-hearted boy I used to know. I felt my heart sinking at the sight of him. I had never seen him so damaged. I felt even worse when I realized he was like this because of me.

I gasped. "Mike, I..."

He didn't let me finish, he just closed the door and walked over to me. He took a deep breath, his kind green eyes fixed on me while he said.

"Emma, just let me say this to you and I'll go." I nodded hesitantly.

He started. "I know what I did the other day was wrong and I'm truly sorry for that. I guess I didn't want to break you and Jack up, I was just terribly jealous.