Re;birth Hacker

Restart: Lowee Conspiracy

Plutia stood on the balcony of the Planeptune Basilicom. "...Do I start talking now? I'm just gonna go, okaaay?" ~ "CUUUUT!" I walk out, camera in hand, Neptune behind me with a microphone. Plutia tilts her head. "Was I off?" ~ "Yes. Very. We need this recap to be perfect for the new chapter. We have many people waiting for something grand and here you are screwing up the intro." ~ "Aw, I'm soooorry... I'll do betteeeerr." ~ "Alright, from the top. Action!" Neptune scrambles into place with the microphone as Plutia starts the recap. "Um, helloooo... It's been about, umm...three years since Neppy came to my dimension, I think... Noire made her own nation and is working sooooo hard to make it super cool... But because of her, Lowee's shares have gone SPLAT and the two nations aren't friends... Oh, Planeptune is the same as ever... That's, ummmm...my last cue card. Hey, soooo? Did I do good, Neppy?" Neptune looks over to Plutia. "You're not narrator material. Nope, nope." ~ "Aww. I was so confident..." ~ "And with that, let's play on!" I turn off the camera and pack up the equipment. "That's a wrap everyone. I'm sure Derpy will appreciate this." Neptune looks over to me. "When has he ever appreciated anything you've done?" ~ "That's classified, although it is fun to see him blow a gasket...alright, let's go for 30k!" (Cyan, I will stab you!") "Can't hear ya! AND START!"

(Meanwhile)

A knock at the door directed Blanc's attention to the man entering her room. "Pardon me, Lady Blanc. I have compiled my report." ~ "Oh. Good work." ~ "If I can give it a quick summary... It would seem Lastation is in a state of exponential growth. It would be accurate to call it a true explosion of activity." ~ "That much, huh?" ~ "Indeed. Those outside of Lowee who showed no interest in CPUs or games are migrating there. Which would not be an issue were that the only outcome, but..." ~ "It's fine. Just say it." ~ "Um, yes, well... A not insignificant number of Loweeans have chosen to move to Lastation, as well... It may have been rash for us to approve free immigration into and out of our nation..." ~ "Whatever. People had been whining about only being able to play our games while living here." ~ "Until recently, Lowee was the only CPU-led nation on this continent. Only we could give them peace of mind. Since we are no longer alone, the people seek a new paradise. Faith is such a fickle concept. Do you not intend to take action, Lady Blanc? I wish you would show some sign of concern... Should this trend continue, we will lose Lowee's long-standing superior position for good." ~ "...Minister." ~ "Y-Yes, Lady Blanc? No matter your command, I shall obey without question." ~ "Shut up. You talk too much." ~ "My pardons, but if you just review the report I compiled, you will understand my worries. With that said, excuse me." The minister leaves the room, as Blanc looks out the window overlooking her nation. "Not like I'm sitting around doing nothing. Not like I don't plan to do something about it..."

(Location Update: Planeptune Basilicom)

Neptune flops onto the couch with a sigh. "It's a bright, sunshiney day! It's even awesome indoors." Plutia nods lying back on the couch. "Uh-huuuuh... When it's this warm, I feel like taking a nap..." ~ "Don't be silly. You're sleepy no matter the weather, sillypants." ~ "Nuh-uhhhhhh... I can tell you're sleepy, too..." ~ "I can't help it. The weather's so perfect for log sawing..." ~ "I agree... Let's take a really long nap..." Plutia immediately falls into an instant sleep coma. I look over to Neptune as she starts falling asleep. "Should you really be sleeping at a time like this?" ~ "It's fine... We worked our butts off fighting that...uh, Artfarts." ~ "It's Arfoire. Also, that was three years ago." ~ "Semantics..." ~ "Hey, hey, hey! Don't you start...and she's asleep." I let out a deep sigh. "San...Ni...Ichi..." ~ "Why in Gamindustri are you two sleeping right now?!" Neptune falls off of the couch. "Ack! M-My wake-up alarm?!" Plutia stirs awake. "That was soooo cruel, Histy... Don't yell around napping people..." Mini-Histy stares down the two of them as I slowly back away. "I am going to yell, because this nation has TWO CPUs who do nothing but slack off every day. You simply must begin to tackle your workloads!" Neptune looks to Mini-Histy. "I know, but look outside! The weather's too nice to do stuff..." Plutia nods. "Napping is the best choice..." She proceeds to fall into another instant sleep coma. Mini-Histy floats over to Plutia. "Do not fall asleep in the middle of my lecture! The two of you ought to go learn from Noire." Neptune gets over her headache and looks to Mini-Histy. "Noire? I guess we haven't seen her for a while." I quickly pop in from the guest room. "Approximately three years...half a month real time depending on when this gets released." Plutia looks to Mini-Histy. "She's too busy... She became a CPU and made her own nation, you know, um...what's-it-called... Blast...something? It sounded like Lactation..." Neptune looks to Plutia. "Oh! Last Rebellion!" Mini-Histy snaps. "Lastation! (><)" ~ F*ck!" My hand literally breaks at every joint, as I run back into the guest room. Neptune looks to Mini-Histy. "Oh, yep, that's the ticket. Noire's such a workaholic, huh? She can't make any friends 'cuz she loves working too much." Plutia looks to Neptune. "Ohhh, is that why? It must be lonely to not have any friends..." Mini-Histy looks to the two of them. "Her work ethic is what makes her a grand CPU! You two really should learn from her example." Neptune looks to Mini-Histy. "Baww, don't be a pissy Mini-Histy. You'll get wrinkles on that teeny-tiny cutesy-wutesy face!" Plutia nods. "That's right, Histy. You're soooo cute..." Mini-Histy deadpans. "Flattery will get you nowhere! Lastation has enough shares to be a threat to Lowee! Even though Planeptune is home to two CPUs, we..." Neptune looks to Mini-Histy. "Why do you keep praising Noire? There's nothing we can do about it. My Histy told me to sit tight until she thinks up a way to get me home." ~ "W-Well, that is true... But waiting patiently and doing nothing at all are different..." ~ "She hasn't given us a ring-a-ling for years. If we try to call her, it won't connect." ~ "W-Well, connecting to a different dimension is a bit more difficult than a long-distance call. Even at maximum processing output, it takes me approximately three days to establish a connection."~ "Whaddaya want me to do about it?! Mini-Histy and my Histy are to blame! It's a double Histy fail!" ~ "Urrgh... It may be partially my fault, but that does not mean you may nap each and every day!" ~ "Oh, boy. If only Mini-Histy could get in touch with my Histy, maybe then I could work hard. Oh well..." ~ "G-Grrrrrr." Plutia looks to Neptune. "Uh-oh, Neppy... She's vibrating with rage..." ~ "It's just so annoying that Mini-Histy is a junky old model that sucks so hard at computing things. In MY world, Mini-Histy would be less awesome than a calculator. Junksty!" A loud audible snap comes from Mini-Histy. Plutia looks to Mini-Histy. "Oooh, what a scary noise." Quite. Mini-Histy starts steaming from the head. "GRAAAAAH! Who are you calling Junksty?!?! I...I...I dare you to say it again!" Neptune backs away from Mini-Histy. "Deep-fried HDMI cables! Histy has evolved into Pissty!" Plutia sighs. "That was soooo mean... Histy has a complex about her low processing power..." Neptune looks to Plutia. "Really? Did I accidentally grind her teeny-tiny gears?" Mini-Histy looks to Neptune. "You are merely passing the blame onto me so that you can slack off, are you not?! And Plutia, you are slacking off without offering any kind of excuse!" ~ "Wh-Whoa, she's really mad! Don't pop your top, Pissty!" Plutia snickers. "That made me imagine her head flying off like a rocket..." Neptune looks to Plutia. "Ain't no time for goofy jokes, bud!" Mini-Histy looks to the two of them. "You will not receive any lax treatment from me today. Go and learn from Noire! Get to Lastation this instant and see what it means to do the work of a CPU!" Neptune sighs. "Man, Noire's our teacher now? That makes my stomach feel weird... I got my pride, you know!" Plutia cheers. "Awww, yay, Noire... It'll be fun to see her again... But her nation is soooo far away, and I'm soooo sleepy..." Mini-Histy looks to Plutia. "You are still saying such lazy things?!?!" Neptune sweatdrops. "Uh-oh, that's one angry emote! Characters designed to be cute shouldn't make that scary face!" Plutia nods. "Yeah, I wanna see you happy... Give us a biiiiig smile..." ~ "My facial expressions are not your concern right now! Get over to Lastation, NOW!" Mini-Histy forces the two out of the Basilicom, I take a sip of the root beer can I was holding, standing by the entrance. "Well...that happened." Plutia slowly stands up. "Owwie... I fell on my bum..." Neptune groans. "I can't believe she tossed us both out here. She's like a tuxedo-clad bouncer when she's mad." Plutia looks to Neptune. "I've never seen Histy get that mad before. Neppy, you're a genius at pushing her buttons..." ~ "R-Really? I mean, when you put it that way, I feel better about it. But isn't this kinda your fault too, Plutie-poo?" ~ "Huh? I don't get what you mean..." ~ "Whatever. What do you wanna do? We got kicked out and Pissty won't want us back for a while..." ~ "I wanna take another nap... Waaaaait, I know! Let's go see Noire and ask her to let us nap...!" ~ "Ooh, nice thinking. What a way to reverse our punishment into, uh, naps, I guess!" ~ "Hehehe. Noire will nap with us, too. It'll be a nap party..." ~ "Sounds better and better! With that settled, let's start moving toward Lastation. For great naps!" ~ "For great naps, yaaaaay!" I crush the can in my hand. "Is that really how you want to spend your time?" Neptune looks to me. "Yeah, why don't you join us. I'll let you sleep with us this once." ~ "I hate sleeping. Waste of time. Histoire put me on babysitting duty, so you two are going to work." ~ "Baww, what happened to you being on my side?! I thought we were friends!"