Iniwasan ko si L after that day na nahuli kami ni Yaya Sally. Nahihiya ako sa matanda. She caught us making out in the kitchen. Bakit ba kasi hinayaan kong lumagpas kami sa halikan stage? At sa kusina pa talaga!
Now I'm afraid that she'll tell it to my father. Shit lang! Ilang araw na akong nai-stress dahil dito. Natatakot ako na kapag nalaman ni Papa ay paalisin nya si L. Yes, he like him but maybe only as my bodyguard. He hired L to guard me. That and nothing else!
Pero iyon naman talaga ang gusto ko diba? To let him fire L as my bodyguard. Kaya nga nagpatulong ako kay Yucca on how to seduce him. That was one of the reason why I did it. Para makalaya na ako sa pagbabantay nya.
But no. I don't want him to go. I am enjoying the times when I'm with him. Ngayon lang ako nakaramdam ng ganito. At ayokong mawala ang feelings na 'to. It feels so good but painful at the same time. Good dahil natutuwa ako kapag kasama si L. Painful dahil sa sobrang saya ko ay parang masakit na. I don't know... I just can't explain the feeling.
All that I know is... I want to be with L all the time. I'll just pray that Yaya Sally won't tell us to my father.
L didn't try hard to get near me though. Kung noong unang mga araw na pag iwas ko ay sinusubukan nyang lumapit sa akin. Pero kapag nakikita kong palapit na sya ay saka ako umiiwas at nagkukulong sa kwarto ko. It's hard to avoid him since we're just inside the same roof.
Pero nang mga sumunod na araw, he must've realized that I'm avoiding him. Thus, he stopped trying to pursue me. Nandoon lang sya palagi sa harap ng laptop nya. He looked serious everytime I saw him. Ni hindi nga sya nag aangat ng tingin kapag bumababa ako at nagpupunta ng kusina para uminom o kumain. He looked lazy and bored with his life again.
Somehow, it's making me feel so bad. I started to overthink. Paano kung ayaw nya na sa akin? What if he feels that I'm a boring person? What if he doesn't like chasing? What if he realized that lollipop is sweeter than my lips? What if he started to like lollipop more than me?
I can't believe it! Pinagseselosan ko ang lollipop! The only sweet which I'm addicted to!
I went down to get something to drink. Nabuburyo na rin ako sa loob ng kwarto ko. I wanted to have fun with L again pero anong magagawa ko kung mukhang wala na naman syang pakialam sa akin at sa paligid nya?
Shit lang kasi. Bakit ko ba sya iniwasan?
Naabutan kong syang nakaupo sa high chair sa may kusina. Nakapatong ang laptop nya sa may countertop. His brows furrowed as he stares at his laptop intently. Na-miss ko tuloy ang paraan ng pagtitig nya when he wants to kiss me.
Walang tao sa paligid. Yaya Sally was watering the plants at the back garden. My father is at his office kaya kaming dalawa na lang ni L ang nasa loob ng bahay. I was waiting for him to do something pero nanatili lang syang nakaharap sa may laptop nya
I got pissed. Feeling ko ay nagsawa na sa akin si L. He doesn't want me anymore. Hindi na sya katulad ng dati na sinusunggaban ang lahat ng pagkakataon para lang mahalikan ako.
Gusto kong maiyak! Ito na ba ang naging parusa ko dahil tinalikuran ko ang pagkain ng lollipop? Dahil lang nakatikim ako ng mas matamis ay pinabayaan ko na ang lollipop kaya pinaparusahan ako ngayon? Shit talaga! Sana ay hindi ko iyon ipinagpalit para lang sa mga labi ni L!
Ang lollipop ay hindi ako iiwanan kahit kailan!
"Won't you go to your work?"
I was surprised when I heard L's voice that the glass of milk almost slipped out of my hand. Biglang bumilis ang tibok ng puso ko. Pakiramdam ko ay sobrang tagal na nang huli kong marinig ang boses nyang parang tamad na tamad.
