Blind Faith (Book 1)

Chapter 10

Ash

The rest of the morning became the normal Saturday blur, of steam and the chaotic mix of coffee, milk and chocolate. The three of them worked well together, Leon the circus clown and Emma the ringmaster, while Ash just kept the coffee flowing.

Scrooge left soon after they opened up, to visit his other enterprises and when the morning rush died down, Emma gave Ash a break. Desperate for his own time and some space to think, he took his coffee and cheese panini upstairs, hoping to settle down in his favourite spot, on a cosy sofa in the far corner.

He sunk into the soft leather, releasing his morning stress with a loud sigh. It felt wonderful to get the weight off his feet.

He slipped out his mobile phone and noticed still no message or call from his dad. He took a bite of his panini and placed it back on its plate, staring for a moment at the mozzarella trail hanging over the side.

Even physically exhausted, Ash's mind was relentless, and wouldn't let him settle, he put his mobile down on the armrest and lay back and studied the cream ceiling tiles. A good few needed replacing; brown water stains, chunks missing, and a tatty and unappealing sight. Again his mind began to wander and he feared where it would lead him, his stomach clenched in expectation. He closed his eyes and tried the breathing exercises Mother Luisa had taught him.

One...two...three...four...five...

It is said that time is a healer, but Ash felt more alone than ever and very close to falling back into that bottomless black hole of despair again.

Why can't I move on and make a new life for myself?

Old memories of his Mum and sister flooded back, clinging to him, his vision rapidly misting over. He sat up and rubbed his eyes, trying to sip his coffee but found his mouth trembling, causing warm dribbles down his chin. Mother Luisa always wanted to know about his dreams, isn't dreams meant to mirror your secret desires in the real world, or was his something more profound than that, his subconscious trying to explain his fears and show him the truth?

You can't hide from the truth...the truth...

He touched his lips remembering the kiss from his latest dream, it had felt so real and honest, the only good thing about the dream. He found his hand straying again to the crystal stone hidden under his shirt, so he grabbed his panini and took another bite. Ash knew his sister wouldn't want him to be like this, even less his mum, but the more he tried to forget, the more the past haunted him. The return of his sister's necklace probably didn't help, nor did seeing the family picture. He had purposely removed all the other family pictures in the apartment, trying to look forwards and not back. A new life.

The past was only memories and pain...

All thoughts fell to the wayside as a waft of flowery perfume teased his senses.

"Hey you," said Emma in a soft musical voice. "A penny for your thoughts?"

He looked up in surprise, her sweet addictive smile falling away instantly.

"Oh- are you okay? Do you want me to leave you alone, I can go if you want?" she said moving away. He must have looked in a sorry state. He tried to smile, but his lips wouldn't move, and he wiped his eyes - again.

"No, please, sit down, I – I just got something in my eye, that's all," he replied shuffling along so she could sit, she didn't look convinced.

A poor cliché excuse, you idiot...

Emma sat down, their legs briefly touched, he tensed up, he had never been this close to her before. He snatched his panini from the table and took a bite – too large a chunk. What a poor time to be an emotional mess.