Why? - a Drarry Fanfic

Chapter 5

Remus

I was trying to calm Harry down, but I fail. He just keeps sobbing, clinging to himself. 

How did he get like this?  And how did Ron and Hermione not chase after him this summer? How did they let just him go? 

I start to rub small circles on his back, hoping to dear Merlin that nothing else will happen tonight. Harry needs help, and I don't even know if he should continue the school year. I know it's only the first day, but-

I hear a knock on my door.

Could this get any worse? 

I carefully lift Harry's head off my lap, and walk over to the door, opening it a few inches, and who was outside but Ron and Hermione. They try to push the door open. 

"Guys, I need you to go back to your dorms."

Hermione looks at me, and I know she isn't going to leave. This is what I didn't want to happen 

"No way. Where's Harry? We've barely seen him since the war, he's been running from everyone except that stupid prick Malfoy " 

And with that, they slam the door open.

"Harry!? What the hell!?" 

"Remus!? Bloody Hell, what happened?"

They both scream at the same time and stare at him. Harry, on the other hand, looks like a ghost. He's terrified. 

"R-Remus... why are th-they here. Did you..." 

Harry looks from me to them, backs into the corner of the bed, almost falling off. He puts his knees up against his chest, gripping his knees. I'm pretty sure he's having a panic attack. Amazing. I just shake my head. This was not supposed to happen. 

"Ron, Hermione, out. Now." 

"No way! We aren't-" 

I cut them off. "I WILL FAIL BOTH OF YOU. OUT!" 

They stare at me, mouths agape, not moving. It takes them a few seconds to realize I'm serious. They leave without another word, slamming the door. 

I look at Harry, and the sound makes him jump. 

"Harry, are you okay? What can I do?"

Salazar, I'm gonna kill those two later. He's obviously dealing with depression, maybe anxiety? Probably PTSD too.

He doesn't answer, he just stares at the floor, hyperventilating. 

"Harry. look at me. Breath. Just breath. You're okay, you're safe." I put my arm around him and rub his back until he calms down. 

"Harry, we need to talk, okay? We don't have to cover everything now, but I think we should cover the base of what's wrong, considering it'll make your year a lot easier." 

Well, this is great way to start off the year. Fucking fabulous. 

"What do you wanna know?" he says, and this genuinely surprises me. 

"Okay, this is just basic stuff. How long have you been cutting?" I use a soft tone, hoping that he will be honest with me. 

This is James' and Lily's kid, and I feel as though he's my responsibility. 

I hear him mumble something I can't understand. 

"What? I didn't hear that." 

He takes in a breath, "Around a week after Voldemort died, after the war." Okay, this is a start. 

"Before anything else, I probably should've asked earlier, what was on the parchment?" 

Please tell me it wasn't a suicide note, please tell me you weren't gonna jump.

"It was... just some stupid note. It was kinda like, I dunno, a... umm...It wasn't a suicide note. I promise. I wanted... I wanted to apologize. To Ron, and you..." 

He turns his head so he's facing me. 

"Apologize for what? You haven't done-" 

He cuts me off. "It was my fault. If I was faster, Fred would be alive. Nymphadora, Tonks. She would be alive, you wouldn't have to leave Teddy with Mrs. Weasley." 

"Harry James Potter. Look at me. It is not your fault. Fred and Dora both knew what they were doing. They both knew what they were risking. This was placed on you by force, you didn't chose this. It. Is. Not. Your. Fault." He doesn't say anything, he only gives a small shrug of his shoulders.

"Harry, why aren't you eating? Or, are you purging?" Any color left in his face drains. "Harry, be completely honest. Tell me, I want to help." 

He opens his mouth, and closes it, like he wants to say something but can't find the words. 

"We don't have to cover this now. We can talk more about it later. Last, do you want me to get Malfoy?"

He closes his eyes.

"Harry, the only reason I was at the tower was because he sent me a Patronus. He cares, he was so scared when he saw you there. He thought you were going to jump. When he told me what happened he was crying. He couldn't stand to see you hurt. I promise, he really cares." 

His eyes shoot open, and he stares at me. "No he doesn't." His face is pale, he looks like he's realizing something. "I shouldn't have said anything. Forget everything I just told you. I'm fine, I'll be fine." 

Does he really expect me to just forget? I can't just let him be.

"No. I won't forget, Harry. You need to let me help you." I try to talk to him again, but he puts his hands over his ears and shakes his head. 

"I need to go back now," he says. 

"Alright, but I'm taking you there. You're not going by yourself." He nods. 

We walk back to the eighth year dorm is silent. He doesn't look at me. He crawls into his bed, and faces away from me. I watch him for a second, before going back to my quarters to sleep myself.