Why? - a Drarry Fanfic

Chapter 11

Remus 

I wait for Harry and Malfoy in my office, while I try to figure out what to do when they get here. They were supposed to be here five minutes ago, which is a bit worrying, but it gives me time to think. 

Okay, so Harry has no self esteem, it seemed, how can I help with that? I should tell McGonagall later... 

I continue to think of simple solutions, when the door opening breaks my trance. Harry and Malfoy... Draco walk in. Draco looks worried, and Harry looks normal. Normal, as in how he was before. What did Draco do to make him happy again? Because he looks happy, he's smiling again. 

I then remember Saturday, more than before, and realize it's fake.

It's just a mask.

They both sit in some chairs in front of my desk. "Umm, Professor, what did you want us for exactly?" Draco finally says, fidgeting a little. 

"Just to let you know, neither of you are in trouble. I just wanted to clear a few things up," I say, looking at Harry. "You both know what I'm talking about." Harry's smile falls a little, and now I really know his smile isn't real.

"Can we start with Saturday night? What happened exactly?" I still don't quite know what happened, but I have an idea.

"Remus, can we not talk about Saturday? Nothings wrong, I was just having a nightmare and I wanted space. I'm fine," Harry says, breaking the silence in the room. "I had a nightmare, but it's normal now. I don't care about them anymore." 

Draco looks at him, shocked, and opens his mouth to say something before I shush him. "If that's what really happened, then I can let the matter go. But first, I want to hear Draco's side of the story. Just to make sure."

"Okay. Early in the morning, I heard something, kind of like crying," He looks at Harry, and continues. "I saw that Harry was in our bathroom, so I went over to check on Harry. I assumed something was wrong, especially after what happened on the train. I-" 

"Wait, what happened on the train?" This I don't know about.

"I'll tell you later, can I finish?" I nod, and he continues again. "I knocked on the door, and he almost instantly said 'I'm fine, go back to bed' even though I never asked if he was okay. I asked if he was sure, and when I unlocked the door, he was on the floor, crying and..." Draco slowly gets quieter until he stops talking.

I hear Harry make a sound, like a sob he wants to silence. Draco rubs his arm, trying to give him some sort of comfort.

"He was... cutting. Deep. I was going to heal them, but then he sprinted to the astronomy tower, and I got you to come and help. That's it."

I already know he's cutting, that's why I really doubted he was fine. "I'm going to need to think about some things for a couple minutes. Want some tea?" 

They both nod. I walk into a smaller room off my office, grab three cups and pour tea in them. I set Harry's glass apart from the other two.

I start searching for the small glass vial I want. 

Where is it... 

I resume searching, until I finally find it in one of the drawers. I pour the entire thing of it into Harry's glass, and stir it a bit.

I walk out and distribute the glasses, sitting down again. I watch as Draco just holds his cup, Harry takes small sips. 

I can't believe what I have just done, but I know Harry won't say anything otherwise. 

I wait for a few minutes for the it to take affect, before asking him anything. 

"Harry, what was your nightmare about," I slowly ask, satisfied with the amount of time given for the potion to take affect. He immediately starts talking.

"It was about Uncle Vernon, and you, and everybody who lost someone during the war. Uncle Vernon was yelling at me again and threatening me, and everyone was blaming me for the deaths. I deserved it, if I had been quicker, they could've lived..." 

After saying this, he puts his hand over his mouth, angry and surprised. "What... Did you..." He looks at Draco, who shakes his head, having no idea this was going to happen. "Remus... I THOUGHT I COULD TRUST YOU! WHAT THE HELL?!?!" He almost sprints out, but I grab his arm before he can.

"I had to. I knew you wouldn't say anything if I didn't. I have to do this." 

I have him sit in his chair again. I ask him another question, knowing that with how much Veritaserum I gave him it would last.

"Do you starve yourself, or do you throw up?"

Tears start forming in his eyes as he gives me his answer, "Starvation."

I have to hold his shoulder to make sure he doesn't try to run again. Draco looks heartbroken, teats forming in his eyes also. "Last question, I promise..." Harry nods

"Are you currently suicidal, if so how much?"

Again, he starts talking. He has no control over it.

"Yeah, I am. Very, I would do it right now if I didn't have Draco, Hermione, and Ron." He looks at me, ready to scream, but then stops. 

"What do you want to tell me right now?" I ask, breaking my promise, but now I can now how he feels. Probably angry.

"WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? GODDAMNIT, LEAVE ME ALONE! WHY THE HELL, WOULD YOU USE FUCKING VERITASERUM ON ME?!? LEAVE ME ALONE, I'M TOO USED TO BE FIXED, TOO MUCH OF A PROBLEM, TOO... Too... too broken"

Harry starts sobbing, tears pouring like waterfalls. I go over to him and wrap an arm around his shoulder, rubbing his back. 

"Harry, I am so sorry, but I need to know these things to help you."

I shouldn't've done this. I was desperate, but this was still wrong.

"I know, but why are you helping me in the first place?"