Why? - a Drarry Fanfic

Chapter 30

Draco

"How is it? Being back at school?" I ask Harry. He shrugs.

"Boys! Are you both finished writing?" McGonagall asks. "No. Sorry." She goes to the other side of the classroom. "So?"

"Yeah. A break was what I needed. I tell you I talked to Ron?" I shake my head. "It went okay. We're going to take a break for a bit. He just doesn't know what to do. With me, I mean. It's not like I know what to do either, so I can't blame him that much."

"Breaks are good," I whisper back. "And? How about you?"

"It's been a bit weird. I got an owl with no name on it, and it looked a lot like..." My voice trails off. It looked a lot like Severus' handwriting. But that isn't possible. He's dead. I saw him. I was at the funeral. He's gone, he can't come back...

Tears prick my eyes, so I stop thinking about it. Or, try to anyway. "Dray? You okay?"

"I think someone's messing with me. It looked like Severus' handwriting." His face goes to irritation to worry. I wouldn't blame him. Severus shouldn't've acted like that, bullying everyone, but hey. I did it to, so I can't say much.

"Maybe it's him?" he suggests. "How? You were at the funeral, I saw you there."

"He's a potions master a skilled dueler. I dunno, maybe he had some antidote on him?"

If he faked his death I'm going to kill him again and bury him eight feet under. That's cruel, to fake your death when more people are dying and they really aren't coming back, and the people know it. And then one day you just appear because you were never gone.

"He's gone. You saw what that snake... that monster did to him. The only known antidote to those bite is some honey badger potion thing, and it's hard to get and only discovered two years ago. Where would he find something like that?"

"He has his ways. I might not have liked him, but he was a smart man. He protected the people he loved."

"How do you know that?"

"He killed Dumbledore so you wouldn't have to. You were too young, you didn't deserve it. It wasn't your choice. When he found out that Dumbledore was going to kill me in the end, he hated it. I think he loved me from the beginning because I'm Lily's son, but my dad was too much of a bully and I looked so much like him."

"You've thought a lot about him, didn't you."

"After he died, yes. It was my fault anyway."

I finish my paper and put the quill away. "Just because you were there doesn't mean it's your fault."

McGonagall simisses class, so we head to the corridor. "I have a free period, Harry, so I'm going to go to our dorm. Find me when your done?" He nods. "Don't ponder over that letter for too long, Draco. If someone's messing with you and you do, it'll drive you mad."

I go to the dorm and pull out the letter anyway.

If he's alive, somehow, in some major miracle, then I'm going to find him unless he finds me.

I start rereading it.

Draconis Malfoy.

I hope this finds you. I am not certain that you have proceeded in returning for your eighth year, though I hope you have. I can not tell you who I am at the moment, but considering you've memorized my handwriting, I'm quite sure you will be able to guess. Let me put this bluntly; I miss you, Draco. I'm going to find you once I can come out of hiding, and I will do so after the first day of the new year. First I will go to Hogwarts, so if you get a knock on your dorm if you are there, it might be me. Secondly I will go to the manor if you and Narcissa have not sold it. Lastly, if I can not find you, I will send you a second letter. That is not important at this moment.

You most likely know who I am by now. But, I will give you... hints, anyway. I've known you since you were born. You know me. The me I am when with those I consider family. I am also a Slytherin. I also have the Mark, though I wish I never took it, like you.

I would like you to respond. Just tell me if you are at Hogwarts or the manor, that is all I want to know. If you respond after January first, you may ask who I am. I might tell you. I might not. If I do not receive a response by January seventh, I will come to you.

I know I might not tell you nearly enough, but I do love you, Draco. I always have. I should have shown it more, and I am sorry I haven't.

Love from,

...

And that's it. No name, no nothing. Out of the blue. I got over his death during the summer, and now I'm having the nightmares again. The ones where I find him, bloody, because I did find him. I found him and he wasn't breathing. I went for help, he was gone. Mother said someone else found him after I went to get help, because Harry told an Auror what happened.

I swear, if that bastard is alive... if he's been lying to everyone, faking that he's dead, leaving me behind...

It makes my head hurt just thinking about it. Without Severus I had no family. None. But then he started visiting less and less, until he only came for my birthday and Death Eater meetings. Maybe it was dangerous for him to come. Maybe my parents forbid him to. I don't know. I don't care, because he didn't talk to me at school either. That might be what broke me. Everything else happening, and no family to turn to.

Brilliant. Now I'm sporting a migraine.

I draw the curtains, turn off the lamp, and cover my head with the thick quilt.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Draco," Harry whispers. "Hmm?"

"I'm just letting you know I got back. You can go back to sleep if you want, otherwise I'm going to be studying."

"I'm going to go back to sleep," I mumble. I haven't been asleep for a few hours at least. These damned nightmares won't stop.

"Alright love."

I'm not going to go to sleep anytime soon. It's better than studying, though, so I'll take what I can get.