Why? - a Drarry Fanfic

Chapter 40

Harry

"It's Saturday..." Draco says. "Is there anything you want to do?"

I shake my head. I feel like shit. I am shit. Stupid, shitty me.

"What did Phoebe say this morning?" 

"Nothing important."

Lies.

According to her... I'm having an 'episode'. So... So my depressions worse than it was. It was never... gone, it just got better. But, now it's worse, bad, and... And now I get to deal with this all again. I haven't had an 'episode' since December, and maybe that one time in March. I just... I didn't know what it was called.

"So... Do you just want to sleep today? Take it easy?"

"Sure."

His fingers comb through my hair. "You okay?"

"Fine."

He gives me that look. That look that tells me he knows I'm lying.

"Are you sick again?"

"No, I'm fine."

"Are you sure?" He puts his hand on my forehead. "You aren't warm..."

"I said I'm alright. I just want to sleep."

"When was the last time you ate?"

"Yest- This morning."

"Showered?"

When did I last shower?

"Dunno."

He stares at me. "You don't know?" I shake my head. "Well, first things first. Go take a shower. I'll call a House Elf, because you were about to say the last time you ate was yesterday."

"Do I have to?"

"Are you sure you aren't sick?" He puts his hand back on my forehead. "You definitely aren't warm. What's up?"

"Nothing."

"Liar. What's wrong?"

I fiddle with the fraying ends of my sleeves. "Phoebe said... Said I'm having an 'episode'. So... so my depressions-"

"Worse for now?"

"Uh- Yeah... Yeah."

"Well then... You're going to go take a shower, or a bath. I'll get you some breakfast. Then, we'll think about what to do now. But you need to take a shower and you need to eat."

"I want to sleep."

"You need a shower and some food."

"Sleep-"

"Harry. I know you feel like shit right now. Believe me, I had loads of episodes. You've seen two. I know what you feel like, so I know what can help."

"How will hot water and food help?"

"It doesn't have to be hot. You could have a cool bath or shower. The food you need to live, and it might make you feel better if you let yourself eat something you just... just crave, almost."

"Coffee?"

"Sure. You can have an iced coffee, after  you take a bath."

I turn on my side.

"D'you ever feel like you're babysitting me or something?" I ask quietly. 

He probably does. I mean... he does everything...

"What? Why would you say that?!"

"I'm... I'm just so messy. All the time, there's something wrong with me. Whether I'm cutting myself or I'm anxious or depressed or sick or... or... or having a stupid episode, and you're always there to pick up the broken pieces and put them back together, only for them to break again and restart the process."