Why? - a Drarry Fanfic

Chapter 12

TRIGGER WARNING! This chapter has suicide attempt, rape, and abuse mentioned. If this makes you uncomfortable, please don't read it.

Harry

Its been a week since my meeting with Remus and Draco, and I've given up.

I left once I said that, 'why are you helping me in the first place?' All he did was stare at me, so I left. He hasn't spoken to me, which is good. Draco's tried, and failed.

It's over. I'm done. It's official.

I'm going, before Halloween, off the tower....

And no one can stop me. Remus knows I'll do it, and he hasn't even tried to stop me from doing anything. I love it. I'm completely free right now.

It's around one in the morning, and I can't sleep. I get up and put on the hoodie, the one I prepped, and walk out of our dorm, entirely aware Draco's staring at me. "Where are you going?" he says as I open the door. 

"Somewhere, go to sleep."

I walk out and go to the Astronomy tower, sitting on the floor and letting the cool air hit my face. Resting my head against the wall, I listen. I can hear the birds, the tree branches moving from the wind. I hear a werewolf in the forbidden forest and look at the moon. It's huge white light shines on my face, and for once, I feel peaceful. Calm.

I close my eyes and breath. This is it... this is it. 

I shakily grab the parchment and quill from my hoodie's pocket. I start to scribble out everything, everything I want them to know. About the lives I could've saved, the hurt I felt, the pain I went through. The truth about my uncle.

Dear Hermione, Ron, and everyone else (not you Draco)

I'm so sorry. I can't do it, I can't do it anymore. I could've saved so many lives, but I didn't. I could've been a better friend, and I wasn't. Ron, we haven't talked that much, and I'm sorry. You were one of the best friend's I could've asked for. Hermione, your smart, funny, annoying sometimes, but I love you for it. You are brilliant. 

You are all probably wondering why, so I'll tell you. 

After the war, I lost myself. I lost everything that mattered. I lost most of my contact with my family, I lost contact with my friends. My uncle used to abuse me. I got beat when I was small, starved sometimes. I still starve myself, and I deserve it. When I turned twelve, that what when it happened. My own uncle, my family, stole something that can never be returned. He stole my virginity, and with it, a piece of me.

I've never had real love. Like romantic love. I love someone right now, but they will never love me back. I landed his Father in Azkaban, I was just able to keep him from going there. We tormented each other, yes, but I still love him.

That's right. Him. The savior, the Golden Boy, the chosen one, is Gay. Can't wait for that to get on the Daily Prophet. Not only that, but he's a Slytherin. Can you guess who?

That's all I have to say. To the Weasly's, I love you guys. You were like the family I never had. I'm sorry about Fred, maybe I'll see him when I'm gone. To Ron and Hermione, you guys will be fine. You guys can push through this together. Never lose each other. And to Remus, thanks for trying to help me, but like I said before, I'm to broken. I love you all.

-Harry James Potter.