Why? - a Drarry Fanfic

Chapter 16

Harry

"Therapy?!" I yell, looking from McGonagall to the Healer. "Potter, she'll help you. You need it." McGonagall looked at me sternly, but softly, like a mother who wanted to help her child yet couldn't, or didn't know how.,. "No. No way." All this was doing was dragging someone else into my life.

"Potter, please. She can and will help. Just let us try?" I shook my head. "I'm not dragging someone else into my life. I'm not having someone dissect my brain for hours. No. I'm a legal adult, even in the Muggle world. You can't make me."

"Lets make a deal then." 

This shocked me. "What kind of deal?" I asked curiously. "How about, if you let her help you, you can still be Quidditch captain. And still play." She's going to hold Quidditch hostage until I say yes, I can feel it.

Hermione and Ron looked at me, their eyes begging me to say yes. I looked away, my eyes then landing on Draco. He was doing the same. Slowly, I nodded.

"Great. My names Phoebe." The healer says, reaching out a hand. I look down and don't shake it. "Anyway, I'll be meeting with you twice a week. We can meet wherever you like, really, as long as your comfortable, and it's on school grounds." the Healer, Phoebe says. I nodded, hating every second of this. She sounds way to optimistic. 

I desperately wanted to be sitting on the floor again... cutting away at my mask in secret... where no one could get hurt from me, and I couldn't get hurt from them. I wanted to continue to fill myself to the brim, bottle myself up again, hide. I just want everything to go back to how it was before... I wish me and Draco were still kind of friends, kind of enemies... I want Ron and Hermione and everyone to keep ignoring me, I want to be able to isolate myself... I wanted to keep falling down the rabbit hole I'm stuck in... I want to fall... I want to end... Please...

I want to go home... I want my parents, I want Sirius, I want Fred and Tonks and Moody, even Collin and his stupid camera. I can't stay here, I want to be with them

I want to go home. 

"What?" I look up. "Hmm?" 

"You said something, something like want to go home." Phoebe says. I said that out loud?! I shake my head. "Just thinking."

"I have to talk to Minerva for a little while longer, why don't you all go back to your dorm." Phoebe says. I nod, starting to form a plan in my head. My wand still back in my dorm.

I can't run. I can't jump. I can't cut.

I have a wand.

"Come on, Harry," Hermione says, grabbing my shoulder. I follow them to our dorm, still forming my plan.

I smile to myself. I have it. I have a wand.

We reach my dorm, and they all sit on Draco's bed, looking at me with worry.

"Hey guys... I'm gonna take a bath." They all look at me questioningly. "Okay. We're going to check on you while you're in there though." Ron says after an awkward silence. 

They all watch me as I grab a change off clothes, hiding my wand in the pile. I walk in and close the door, keeping it locked. Sure, they'll know somethings off, but I don't care.

I grab my wand and in a split second, the bath is three-quarters full of hot water. I take off my hoodie and pants, leaving my boxers on. It won't matter in the end, but I prefer to be found in something, not naked. 

I slowly descend into the water, gripping my wand so hard my knuckles turn white. The tip of my wand turns a red, blazing light. 

Wait.

Do I really want to do this?

I don't know... 

No... I don't think I do...

My wand drops, clattering to the floor, and the light goes out. I curl my knees to my face, and wrap my arms around them. Tight.

My eyes filled with tears. They threaten to fall, and I let them. I let out heavy sobs, dragging a hand through my hair. I pull on it, and hope for something beside this utter pain that's now resting on my chest.

"Harry, are you okay?" Someone jiggles the handle. "Harry, why's the door locked?!" I think it's Ron, but I can't tell. They sound so far away, like I'm on one side of the Earth and their on the other. 

I try to say something, but I feel like I've swallowed knives. "Harry, are you okay?" My throat feels like it's closing. "No," Is all I'm able to choke out.

 "Hermione, I forgot where I put my wand, unlock the door," I hear them whisper. "Harry, we're going to unlock the door, okay?" I hear a muttered spell, and the door opens. Ron runs next to the tub and crouches next to it. He reaches out a hand, but I flinch and back away further into the tub.

"Harry, what happened?" I can't tell them. "Nothing!" I say, almost jumping. "Why do you have your wand, and why are you in boxers?" I don't say anything.

Hermione walks in from her spot by the door and grabs my wand, putting hers and mine tip-to-tip. A red light erupts from mine.

"Harry, please tell me you weren't..." Her voice trails off, and I think she knows what I was doing, or almost did, at least an idea. "Dry off and get dressed. Ron, come on." She says softly. Her and Ron leave, taking my wand with them. They leave the door open an inch.

I didn't move. I can't. "No." I spit out. This time, Draco enters. He closes the door and crouched down next to me. "What's wrong." He said softly, as if I would break from even the slightest movement. 

I look down into the water, not wanting to answer the question. "Hey. Talk to me." He says, and I can feel him looking at me. "I don't want to be here..." My voice trailed off. "What do you mean 'here'? At Hogwarts, in your dorm, talk to me."

"I don't want to be here right now, at Hogwarts, or exist." I say slowly. "Okay, want to tell me more?" I shake my head, but then nod it slowly. "Why don't you want to be at Hogwarts." he asked me. "I don't know... I'm just exhausted." 

"Do you know where you would go if you could leave Hogwarts?" I shake my head. "Don't you have a house?" I nod. That's were I spent this summer. "Why can't you go there?" 

"I'm alone there. Just screaming pictures, an old house elf, and no one." I hadn't realized, but I had looked up at him.

"What if I, or Ron and Hermione go with you?" 

"No, they wanted to finish school, and you probably want to too." He shifts on the floor.

"Not really. I would come with you." He says, smiling at me. "W-What?"

"I would go with you. If leaving Hogwarts would help, than I would go with you."

Draco stood up. "Why don't you get dressed. We can talk about it with Ron and Hermione if you want. Get out, I'll dry you off." He held up his wand. I got out, and he cast a quick-dry spell. I instantly felt warm. "I'm going to go."

He left, and I quickly put on my clothes.

Would he really go with me?

Okay, I'm not sure what to do. Should Harry leave with Draco to Grimmauld Place, or should they stay at Hogwarts. If they leave, should Ron or/and Hermione come with?              -Phoenix