Why? - a Drarry Fanfic

Chapter 26

Draco

I look out the window of our dorm, the water interesting me. Hermione put a charm on my and Harry's window yesterday, to make it look like the Black Lake.

"Hey, Draco, you okay?" I look in the reflection of the glass, it's Blaise. "I'm fine."

"I want to start over." He walks until he's standing a foot behind me. "Start talking to me again, Dray! Ever since Pot- Harry, you've been so distant."

"I'm sorry, he just gets what I'm going through," I whisper, hand trailing the scars on my wrist'. I'm in a tank top, despite the freezing whether, because Blaise already knows everything and I don't need to hide.

"You've gotten so much better. I'm proud of you, Draco, and you have a new life... But me and Pansy want to be a part of it."

"I'm sorry," I say out of instinct. "Don't be. But don't leave us behind."

"You and Pansy won't fight Hermione, right? Ron, I couldn't care if he died at the moment." He shakes his head in the reflection and gives me a questioning look. I turn around to look at him. "Ron decided to go batshit and scream at Harry, because he just needs to get over everything now and ignore everything he feels."

"Well isn't he a peach. But, don't you do the same?" I give him a look this time, and he sits next to me. "Draco, you act happy now, like the past really is in the past, but is it?" I nod. "Is it really? Draco tell me, are you okay?" He looks at my arms. "You finger them, like you miss it, and I know you do because you aren't okay."

"I am okay. I promise, I am okay. I'm not perfect yet, but I'm okay!" I exclaim. He makes something between a scoff and a snort. "If you could right now, would you?"

I nod after a long time.

"Then you, are not, okay."

"I would because it felt good. That doesn't mean it would now, and I don't want to die anymore! I'm better! I promise!"

I want to believe myself so much. I want to, so, so much.

But I can't.

Because he's right.

I don't think I'm okay.

"I know." 

I realize I said it out loud. I shake my head.

"Come here." His arms are open. I don't move for a minute, but I move into them eventually. "Have you told Harry?" He whispers.

"No."

"Tell him."

"No."  My voice cracks. He has his own recovery, he doesn't need to know about mine. "Why?"

"I don't want to send him back."

"He won't be-" I cut him off. "He almost died. That's why he's not at school, because he cut himself so deep and so much after Ron. I am not letting him do that again." I start rocking back and forth, slightly. 

"It's almost time for lunch, why don't we go down?" I shake my head. "'M not hungry. You go, I'll be fine."

"Are you sure?" I nod. Hesitantly, I feel him let go and watch him leave.

I am not okay.

"I don't think I'm okay..." I say. My eyes drift to my arms. I should have worn a sweater.

"Winky," I mumble. She pops up with a crack. "Yes, Mr. Malfoy sir?"

"Don't... call me Malfoy, please. Could you grab me a green apple, and a small knife?" She looks wary. Like she knows she's not supposed to. "Why?"