Mine

Chapter 47

Elliot pov

I look out the hospital window at the sky, today is nice weather the sky is clear my lips twitched as I saw a cat I know it's dumb it's been so long since I looked at the sky made a shape when I was a kid I always laid with dad in back yard of our home on the grass and looked at the sky

I miss him, so much

numb that's all I feel right now everything is gone pain, sadness, anger and the ache in my heart I feel nothing than emptiness

I lost myself, it's my own fault because I let myself feel and I felt everything the pain of losing my mom, dad, Isa, my daughter, Alex, and so many other things, I promised that I will be strong and forget but I didn't do it six years ago, I still had it in my heart and head I kept saying I lose myself but I didn't let myself to be gone I felt every second of the pain

But now everything is gone all the feelings, all the time I was suffering that I didn't realize the pain was eating me and dragging me into my own darkness a piece of me died years ago I kept sinking and sinking and I didn't even knew until now

I'm not dead but I'm not alive either so what I am? a ghost or a dead body with a beating heart

Have you ever laid down on your bed at night and you want to cry but nothing comes out your eyes or you want to feel still nothing that how I feel right now, I'm tired I want to sleep but I can't, I can't shut my eyes and sleep

I heard footsteps I turn my head and saw the nurse I don't know why her dress is so short and why she's wearing a red lipstick " hallo Mr. Wilson your family are here do you want to see them " she smiled I nod and looked out the window again

the doctor said I was badly injured and they put me into coma for two months to heal and my leg is still castet,  sighing I lean back on the bed

Is he here? or maybe not but he loves me, do I love him?
Love, such a strong word, love makes you strong and happy but at the same time weak and broken

I love him, but I feel nothing like before when I said or thought These three words it feels like a normal sentence nothing especial about it I don't think if I would feel like before but I want him near me I...need him

" daddy " the soft voice caught my attention I turn around suddenly something or someone jumped on me I wince as my son's hand hit my leg

" hey little man " I smiled and pulled him in my arms he laid his head on my chest and cried " shhh buddy don't cry I'm okay I'm fine," I said wiping his tears

" I missed you daddy so much don't leave me like mommy and sissy " he hiccuped as I heard sniffles I turn my head aside and saw a crying mason, Rocco and Mateo standing by the door

He's not here why I'm disappointed of course his not coming

I opened my arms for mason and Mateo both of them smiling hugged me mason hit me on the shoulder " ouch that hurt " I said rubbing my shoulder he rolled his eyes

" you scared me so much I'm gonna kill you if you die," he said wiping his tears making me chuckle how can he kill me if I die " hey Mateo, " I said he smiled and sat on other side of me laying his head on my chest

I look at Rocco his smiling as he stared at two boys on my sides " hey good boy " I smirk her glared at me then smiled again " good to see you again alive how are you " he said noticing how my voice is low and cracks when I speak

" I'm fine I'm very good," I said he grinned and nodded " good, I will bring you guys snacks and something to eat," he said before walking out I know he wants me to talk to mason

" What happened brother," mason asked I look down at kids both are asleep but Elazar is sleeping deeper maybe he hasn't slept well " he was all the time with Alexander he didn't speak to me like before he just talked to Mateo and Alexander," he said staring at my son I want to ask him where is Alex but it's better if I don't ask

" When did he meet Alex does he like him, " I ask touching my sons hair mason lowered his gaze then looked up " he likes him... a lot and after 4 days of crying for you Alex talked to him I don't know what he said but Elazar stopped crying," he said making me nod as Rocco come back in he has his smile but not like before something must have happened

" here you go," he said placing the food on the table I shake both kids to wake up as they got up and sat on the chair I lowered my bed a little and shut my eyes before opening them again

" you didn't tell me what happened " mason whispered holding my cold hand " I don't know I was driving then suddenly a truck hit my car I don't know how it happened because it was so fast and the next thing I know is waking up here, " I said he sighed and nodded I nod back

I don't want to talk to anyone I just want to see....him but he's not here he doesn't want to see me that's okay for me it doesn't hurt nor sting everyone hates me so be it or maybe he will come tomorrow who knows

" I was so scared Elliot I thought we will lose you," he said looking at our hand " umm what if I died I think everything will be perfect without me," I said smiling he looked up and glared at me angrily but then his glare turned into sadness his eyes filled with tears

" don't say that I know you're in pain I want to help you so badly but I know I can't, you won't let me but don't ever say that word again, think about us Alexander, Elazar, me, Rocco and Mateo we care about you," he said wiping his eyes with his sleeves

" I'm not in pain mason I'm perfectly fine," I said sighing he looked at me confused but then nodded telling me he didn't believe me

" Visiting hours are over, " the same nurse said

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