"You never needed me on this team, not from the start. The Flash is what this city needs, and I can never be it. That's just the reality of it, Bare. I'll never be enough for anyone."
Alex Holt changed her future once before, now she's being tested...
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Holt,
I was wrong about you. I've always been wrong about you. Everything that you've done for this team, it shows the kind of person that you are. I should have never doubted your intelligence because I'm pretty sure that it outsmarts my own. You proved me wrong each and every day and It's because of you and your team that I'm the person I am today.
Everything that has gone on here, on this Earth, it's pushed me to my limits. It's made me realize that life isn't everything that I thought it was. It's not about becoming the smartest or the most successful out there. It's about meeting the right kind of people that your willing to give your life up for.
I see that in you more and more. Your never ending need to give up your own life to protect those you love. It's something that I admire about you. You were willing to give everything in order to save my daughter - a girl you didn't even know. There was nothing that was going to stop you.
That day that I said that you wouldn't be enough to save this city? I was wrong - yes I'm admitting it. I'm so incredibly sorry for underestimating you like that. It's your strength that keeps this team together - and I don't just mean physically. Your heart, your mind, everything that makes Alex Holt is what keeps this team alive.
I should have never questioned whether you were enough. I believe in you Holt, now and always. I hope one day we get to meet again - maybe when I decide that I need to be humbled.
Thank you Holt, for everything.
Harry.
Alex set the recorder onto her bedside table. Not long after Barry took her back home, Wells, Jesse, and Jay all headed back to their own earths. Since she wasn't able to say goodbye, Harry left a message for her. She wasn't able to hear it until the next day, but it warmed her heart hearing him speak of her like that.
When she woke up the next morning, it was in a panic. She didn't know where she was or what was going on. Everything that happened the day before seemed to be a bad nightmare but she was proven wrong when she felt the bandage over her eyes. Zoom was gone and they were safe again.
Barry wasn't in the bed next to her which caused her to freak out even more. She stumbled out of bed, calling his name. Fear was etched into her voice. It wasn't even a second later that Barry was holding her tight in his arms. Alex shakily breathed out and muttered to herself that she was safe.
When she had calmed down, he explained everything that happened to her. Starting with Wally letting him out of his cell to the race with Zoom and lastly what had happened after she had went home. It broke her heart a little when he told her of Wells and Jesse leaving the team to go back home.
He unraveled the bandage around her head to look and see if her eyes had healed. It was the first time that he was looking at them - he couldn't imagine what they had been like when the mask first came off. Though they were healing, they were nowhere back to where they needed to be.
Her fever from the night previous was no longer taking hold of her. She still felt warm to the touch but nowhere near as bad as she had last night. Just as any wound that a speedster had, a good nights sleep always did good.
Barry did as Caitlin told him to and washed them for her. He placed a new bandage on them and kissed her forehead. He hated having to see her like that. Alex sat silently next to him, unsure of what she wished to say. "I love you," She settled on.
"I love you, too," Barry kissed the back of her hand. He handed her the recorder that Harry had left for her and walked out of the room so she could listen to it on her own. He didn't know what was on it or what he wanted to say, all he knew was that Harry needed Alex to listen to it. So she did.
By the time that it stopped playing, she felt the desire to cry. Harry had been the one to destroy her confidence in being Mirage and he was the one to build it back up. Everything that he said on the recorder was exactly what she wanted - needed - to hear. If he had faith in her, then she needed to have faith in herself.
Alexandra took a moment to compose herself. The weight of the world was on her shoulders and she knew it. Barry tried so hard to keep that weight to himself but more and more of it pilfered off to her. She knew what she was doing, taking the burden away from him so he wouldn't have to suffer.
Barry had enough suffering in his life and she didn't want to see him have any more.
By the time that she had made it out into the living room, she had sensed that Barry was sitting on the window seat. It was the perks of her powers - she knew her surroundings better than most. She once again had Dick Grayson to thank for that.
She sat beside him, hearing him sniffle and wipe his hands along his face. He was still upset over seeing his dad again in the form of another. She couldn't blame him for that, seeing him didn't mean that it was any easier to accept that he was gone. Henry Allen was missed dearly, and it was something that she feared he would never be able to accept.
"I know what your thinking, Bare. What you want to do and how conflicted you are to do it. You wanted to do it last year and you couldn't have the heart to do it but so much as changed. Your dad, Zoom, everything that's happened between us and as heroes. You've done so much good in this world yet the world keeps finding things to take away from you.
"You know that I wish things were better for you, because you deserve all the happiness in the world. You deserve being able to look back at your life and not have a single regret for something you did or didn't do. You deserve being able to wake up every morning and not fear what comes next.
"I know that this life that we have, it isn't near perfect. No life ever is. But if you want to find perfection in going back to save your mom for real this time, I'm not going to be the one to stop you. I can't tell you that I need you to stay here with me because that wouldn't be fair to either of us.
"Life has already taken so much from you Barry Allen, and I can't bare to see it take anymore. And if the perfect life you want doesn't have me in it, then I'm never going to be the one to stop it. I want the best for you, I always have wanted the best for you and you know it. That's why I'm telling you that you need to do what you think is best for yourself.
"I love you, more than myself, more than anyone in this world. But we both know that you'll never be happy unless you save your parents. This is what you need to do, Bare. I just hope that whatever life I live in this changed world somehow still has you in it, if that's what you want.
"It's time to start doing what you want for yourself. It's time to be more selfish than you have ever been. Go, save your mother. Run, Barry, run."
