Mirage

CHAPTER FIFTY-SEVEN

If there was one thing that Alex hated to do, it was to fight with Barry. It wasn't often that the two fought - bickered, yes, all the time. But it was rare to seem them have a full blown fight that ended in screaming and tears. Unfortunately, that night it had ended exactly like that.

They still hadn't talked about their fight several nights ago. In fact, they had barely talked at all. Alex kept to herself during the day and at night they both silently went to bed. It wasn't like them to be distant like that. However, neither of them could bring themselves to admit that the other was right.

It had been over a week since the pair had gone into the Speed Force to save Wally. Neither of them talked about their experiences in there except for the bare minimum. Barry had determined that he was the one who had to save Alex, not Wally. It was his responsibility and no one else's.

However, as he talked to the team about his revelation, Alex couldn't help but think of her own. The Speed Force had taught her a completely different lesson then him. It had taught her that she wasn't strong enough or fast enough to change things. No matter what she or Barry or anyone else tried to do, she was going to die.

Alex had accepted what was going to happen to her, but after leaving that place, it had broken her heart on a whole new level. She knew that no matter the efforts that Barry put in, it would never be enough. Someone was destined to die that night and it had to be her. This was her fate, she knew that.

So, when leaving, she had been quiet. Quiet in the lab, quiet at home, quiet everywhere she went. Alex kept her thoughts to herself about this revelation. She wasn't giving up, but her mind screamed at her that all of this effort would be for nothing. It didn't matter how much Barry loved her, it would never be enough.

She would never get to see herself have a baby, or live long enough to be married. Alex's life was being cut short and that was just how it was going to be. Nothing that she could do would change that. She wasn't scared anymore, not of dying, she was simply just sad.

There were so many things in life that she wanted to do still. So many sins that she had to make up for and people that she had to redeem. Throughout her twenty-nine years of life, Alex had made a lot of mistakes and she didn't have nearly enough time to try and make up for all of it.

When Barry finally had enough of wondering why she had been so quiet, she had told him the truth. Alex told him about her time in the Speed Force, about seeing her father and Oliver. She told him that they were determined that she wasn't a real speedster and that she would never live long enough to truly be happy.

She told him that all of his efforts were for nothing.

They had argued, argued for a long time before he finally accused her of having no fire left in her to change things. Alex had screamed and yelled at him, wondering why he couldn't see things from her perspective. She wished that her temper was better, but it wasn't and there was nothing she could do to change that.

By the time that she had calmed down enough, Barry had asked her again, this time with a steady voice.

"So, what? You're just giving up?" Barry asked. They were in their bedroom, though neither of them had been on the bed. "After everything that we've been through already? You're just giving up? What about Wally? Iris? Joe? What about me? You're just going to leave us all here heart-broken because you don't want to put in the effort anymore?"

"It's not like that, Barry," Alex sighed. "When has the Speed Force ever been wrong? How am I supposed to argue when there's something like that fighting our every attempt to change time. Time won't change, no matter how much we want it to and now matter how hard we try."