Mirage

CHAPTER FIFTY-EIGHT

Alex was glad that Barry was safe from the Music Miester. She was worried about him when he was stuck in his coma and the whole time all she could think about was the fact that they had been fighting for the past two weeks. If she had lost him during that time, she didn't think that she could ever forgive herself.

So, when the two arrived home, she knew that it was going to be a time where they needed to talk. It had been far too long since they had sat down and had a real conversation with one another. Those two weeks had been filled with uncomfortable silences and minimal small talk.

Barry landed himself on the couch and Alex headed to the fridge to grab both of them a beer. She handed one over to him and took a drink of her own. Barry opened his arms up to her which she gladly accepted and snuggled into his chest. She missed his warmth, his touch, even his smell.

They sat there, enjoying each other's missed presence, this time with an appreciated silence. Alex didn't know where she wanted to start, there was so much that she needed to apologize for and she didn't know if she was going to be able to express it all to him the way that she wanted to.

"I'm sorry," Alex finally started. "For everything. I shouldn't have blown up at you about wanting another chance with your mom. I know that you think I should take this opportunity with my mother but I can't open up old wounds. This isn't just my trust that I'm putting on the line, it's Dylan's too. He doesn't deserve a mother like her. He deserves better."

"I'm sorry too. It's your family, you know what's best for you and Dylan. I guess I just tried to project my own wishes for my parents onto you," Barry sighed. Alex kissed his cheek, knowing that he missed his parents even more than she missed her own. It was hard on him, but Joe had done a good job of raising him.

"Music Miester was right though," Alex continued. "The only way that we're going to get through this is if I'm willing to let you and the team do what you can to save me. But, you have to promise me that no matter what we are not trading the life of another for mine. I can't have that on my shoulders."

"I promise," Barry nodded. "I'm doing whatever else I can to save you. You have a beautiful life ahead of you and I need to have you in my own. You're everything to me, Alex."

"In the Speed Force, I didn't just see my father. I saw what our future was supposed to be like," Alex shakily said. She didn't want to tell him this in case of getting his hopes up but keeping this in was breaking her. "We had a beautiful baby girl. She looked just like you, and seeing her, it made me realize that it isn't just my future I have to worry about, it's ours."

"We're going to make that a reality, me and you," Barry promised. He too wanted kids with her, it was only a matter of time. "We're going to get through this, together."

"Which is why I think we need to hold off the engagement still," Alex bit her lip. She was worried to see what his reaction was going to be. He seemed shocked, but not nearly as bad as she expected. "Hear me out," Alex set her bottle of beer down so she could face him properly. He needed to know her reasoning.

"We need to change the future in every possible way that we can think of. Holding off the engagement is going to do that," Alex began. "I know that you have every intention to marry me, just as I do. Two months of waiting for that isn't going to change either of our minds. I want you to ask me again on May 24th when I'm still alive and Savitar is gone," Alex glided her hands to rest on his shoulders.

"I love you, Alex," Barry tried his best to hide the pain in his eyes. He understood where she was coming from, and as she spoke he knew that she was right. Holding it off would change the future, but it didn't make it hurt any less. He wanted to show the world how much he love her, but he couldn't.