Teacher | Ashton Irwin

Twenty Five

I lay in bed in one of Ashton's large shirts with my underwear. Ashton crawled in beside me, wearing just boxers. I lay on my back but soon Ashton's arms turned my body towards him, placing a kiss on my lips. He smiled at me and reattached our lips, deepening the kiss.

I pulled away and mumbled, "Not tonight Ashton." I turned on my side so I was turned away from him.

I stared out his window to see a light on in the opposite house, Calum's house. It was his bedroom light. There were two silhouettes. They were both kissing. I couldn't see much but I could see that this didn't look like a fling. It looked quite intimate.

Everyone's currently doing fine. The majority of people are happy. Everyone is in the light while I feel like I'm a hole underground with no way out; no light in sight.

A tear rolled escaped my right eye, running over my nose and falling on the pillow. I began to cry silently, letting the tears fall free. Jack didn't deserve that. He didn't deserve to suffer. When I think about him now, I think of him as a friend; what I thought I always wanted with him, friendship. Every time I think back to when I was with him in that motel room, I can't help but think that deep down I always knew that I wanted more. I should've told him. I should've told him that I wanted him. Now it's too late. I can't do anything right.

As if he sensed what I was doing, Ashton draped his arm over my waist and moved closer, whispering in my ear, "Don't cry baby."

"I'm fine," I lied.

He turned me over so I was facing him. I looked at him through the tears that blurred my vision. He wrapped his arms around my waist, closing the space between our bodies as I was pressed against him. I had both hands pressed against his chest and my face nuzzled into his chest too. My voice was barely audible as I whispered, "I miss him."

He placed a kiss on the top of my head as his fingers mindlessly traced shapes on the skin of my lower back. He whispered, "I know you do. Try and get some rest baby."

"Sing to me," I whispered, "Please? I love your voice."

He began humming Tom O'Dell - Long Way Down. I closed my eyes, focusing on his angelic voice. He began softly singing the lyrics from above my head. I soon drifted off to sleep.

**

My eyes flew open. My heart was pounding so hard that I thought it might explode out of my chest. My breathing slowed down thankfully, I would've hyperventilated otherwise. Ashton's arms were still around me, comforting me slightly.

I took my phone off the bedside table and climbed silently out of bed, careful not to wake ashton. I walked into the landing and sat on the stairs. I called Jack. His voice was the only sound I needed to hear.

"Hey, it's Jack. I'm sorry I can't get to the phone right now but umm.... Leave me a message and I'll make sure I get back to you."

I smiled sadly. The beep sounded, signalling for me to leave a message. I whispered, "Jack. I know your phone's probably dead and that you will never answer but I just want to tell you that I miss you," I sniffed the tears back but they fell anyway. My voice was shaky as I whispered, "I didn't even get to tell you that I love you too. Because I do; I love you. Gosh, ever hearing your voice makes me feel better. I really miss you. I miss everything about you. When I saw you hanging there I... I couldn't even hear the paramedics around me. My world froze completely. Although I didn't talk, I wasn't silent. There were a million thoughts running through my head and the voices got too loud that they drowned out the real world sounds. Everything is still frozen; my world, my life, everything. But the voices have stopped; everything has. Now I'm left in silence. My thoughts are empty. My heart is empty. I'm empty. You were only a fragment of my life. Even though just a fragment has gone, I've completely shut down. I miss you Jack. I don't know if I could even attend your funeral. A date hasn't been set as you just died hours ago. You shouldn't have gone, at least not right then. We weren't on the best terms. I know we said that we were fine but the fact that we were just after having a fight this morning.... It makes me feel even worse. I love you. I miss you. I need you. I need you more than anything else in the world. Goodnight Jack."

I hung up. I rested my forearms on my knees, holding my phone in my hand. I stared to the far wall.

I heard footsteps. I turned to see Ashton standing at the end of the landing, stretching as he tried to wake himself up. His hazel eyes met mine, they looked sadder than usual. He walked up to me and sat down behind me, a leg on either side of my body so I was in between his legs. He kissed my shoulder blade. I could hear the sadness in his voice as it cracked slightly, "I hate seeing you this sad and not being able to do anything about it. I feel so useless."

"I'm sorry," I whispered, "for ruining our date. And for bringing you down with me."

He rested his chin on my shoulder. He mumbled, "Don't be. It's hard. I don't know how you're feeling but I have an idea. You're fragile at the moment."

"You're too late," I whispered. A tear rolled down my cheek. My voice cracked slightly as I said, "I'm broken."