Teacher | Ashton Irwin

Fifty One

It's been 9 months since I last saw Ashton. I haven't even seen him in the street. The only time I have seen him is when a 5sos music video appears on the music channel.

I keep in contact with the boys. I FaceTime either Michael, luke or Calum every night, usually Michael. He tells me how Ashton has calmed down. You see, Ashton went totally off the rails for the first few months after he left me. He had one-night-stands every single night and got completely wasted. He has calmed down now. Michael says he's 'too calm' and that it's scary how quiet he's being.

I, on the other hand, couldn't be worse. I've been to the hospital twice when I've tried to kill myself. I feel bad for Ryan, he found me on the bathroom floor in a pool of my own blood both times. I've been in one car accident because I couldn't see because of the tears flooding my eyes. I managed to get so sad and angry that once when Ryan was trying to help me, I threw a half empty beer bottle at him, hitting his shoulder and he needed stitches. That was all until last month. Last month I realised that I was slowly and painfully killing myself for no good reason. I was always expecting Ashton to come running back but he hasn't, and it's been 9 months. I should move on with my life instead of holding onto something that I don't have anymore.
**

It was a hot summer's day. Too hot for me as I had to wear a long sleeved cardigan to cover my scars. I walked up the many flights of stairs to my apartment as the elevator was broken.

I finally got to my floor. I reached into my pocket and tried to find the right key. I finally found it and looked up. My keys fell out of my hands and joined my jaw on the floor.

"Hi," the all too familiar guy said. Ashton was stood at the apartment door, hands stuffed in his black, skinny jeans pockets. He still dressed the same. He wore a white t-shirt, black flannel and black skinny jeans with combat boots. Of course, he was wearing a plain black bandana.

I crouched down and picked my keys up off the floor before walking to the door. As I unlocked the door I asked, "Ashton, what are you doing here?"

I pushed the door open and he said, "I came to collect a few things that I left behind." He walked in, making himself at home on a chair at the island.

I closed the door and through the keys onto the marble surface. I dropped my bag at the door and asked, "After nine months?"

"Yeah," he stood up and walked into our -once shared- bedroom. "I left my Polaroid photos in the album."

He walked out and asked, "Where did they go?"

I gulped and looked down at the fumbling fingers, "I was looking at them the other day. They're on the coffee table over there, in front of the sofa."

He walked over and picked them up. He asked, "Why were you looking at them? They're photos of us."

"Why do you want them if they're photos of us?" I snapped. I sighed, "I'm sorry. I just wanted to look through them. You never actually showed me the book. You always said that I would find out one day."

"It was going to be your birthday present. I guess I never got the chance to give you it," he said. A sad smile appearing on his face. He looked down at the floor and then right into my eyes. He hesitated before asking, "do you ever think about me?"

"No," I whispered, "I never let my mind wonder anywhere near the subject of, well, you. I knew that if I kept thinking about you then the worse I would become."

"It's pretty evident, what you're talking about," he mumbled.

"What?"

He sighed, "Oh, so you're just casually wearing a knitwear cardigan in the middle of summer? I know you too well."

"I never let myself think about you until recently," I said, "The second i let myself think about you I-... You've never left my mind since then."

"Oh," he simply stated.

"God, that was a stupid thing to say," I laughed at myself as I turned away from him, putting both hands on the kitchen counter as I looked at my reflection in the marble.

"If it helps, I can't stop thinking about you either," I turned around, suddenly becoming interested. He said, "do you know our new song Amnesia? Well, I wrote it about you."

"I can tell," I softly spoke.

"You can?"

I chuckled, "of course. The last thing you ever said to me is a lyric in that song. Was it just a lie?"

"Oh, you noticed that," he quickly changed the subject, "Michael says you're doing good though. I'm happy for you."

I laughed, "Michael is a liar."

Ashton walked up to me, so he was inches away from me. He asked, "Do you miss us?"

"Everyday," I smiled. What am I doing? I'm not letting myself get hurt again. I sighed, "Before either of us do something stupid, I think you should go."

"Yeah, sure, of course," he stepped back and awkwardly scratched his neck. He then froze. "Fuck it." He walked up to me, cupped my face in his hands and kissed me passionately. I don't think he's ever kissed me in a more loving way before. He pulled away and whispered, "What am I doing? I'm not walking away again. I love you. I love you more than anything else in the world and I will do anything and everything to get you back."

"Ashton don't-"

"Tell me that you don't love me and I'll leave," he stated.

I looked into his eyes, that hint of green was brighter than ever before. As much as I wanted to tell him that I love him and throw my arms around him and kiss him; I can't. I can't put myself through all that stress again. I weakly whispered, "I think you should go now."

He looked at me for a moment before walking to the door and walking out of the apartment. I ran over and grabbed his photo album and ran after him.

I caught him on the stairs, "Wait Ash."

He turned around and smiled. I saw the hope in his eyes as he smile brightly at me. I was just going to hand the album over but I did something else.

I dropped the album on the floor. I ran up to him, threw my arms around his neck and attached our lips, kissing him passionately. He instantly kissed back, wrapping his arms around my waist.

He pulled away, resting his forehead against mine with his eyes closed. He whispered, "What made you come after me?"

"Like you said, I let you walk away once and I've learned my lesson, I'm not letting you walk away again," I smiled.

"We'll do everything to make this work. When I have to go on tour, you will join me. When we struggle for money, I'll get as many jobs as I can for money. When we're out in public, I'll show you off to the paparazzi," he chuckled. He leaned down and took the photo album. He opened it to a page with no photo on it. It had just been decorated in things Ashton had drawn. I soon recognised them, they were on their album. He smiled, "This page right here is where we'll put the photo of us on our wedding day."