A Medic's heart

Chapter 5 - The grief

Hanji's POV

"(Y/N)!!!!!!" I screamed and tried to help my best friend but there were too much titans. I didn't give up. I fought as hard as I could but it was useless.
"Retreat! Back to the basis!" Shadis ordered.
"We can't let (Y/N) here! If someone is an important member for the scouts then she is!" I yelled .
"I won't discuss it right now! Do as I said!" All I wanted was to punch him right in the face. But unfortunately it had to wait. It was hard to let her there.

We could get rid of those monsters and we arrived back to the basis. I was so furious. I sat down and tears started to stream down on my face. I leaned my head in my hands.
"Hanji where is (Y/N)?" Erwin asked worriedly. "I didn't see her with the casualties." He finished and I looked up at him with watery eyes.

Erwin's POV

Hanji looked up at me and my heart shattered. I sat down next to her. I couldn't believe it. 'The one I truly loved is gone and I didn't tell her how I feel.'

//Flashback//

I had gotten lots of paperwork from Shadis but later I got a horrible headache. I thought it'll better but it became only worse. I did my work till it was hard to do anything because of the pain. I decided to go and ask for some advice from (Y/N).

I knocked on the door and heard her melodic voice as she said. "Come in." I did as she said.
"(Y/N) can you help me?" It was hard to speak or concentrate on what I said or did. It seemed she noticed it because she walked next to me. With one hand she took mine and placed the other one on my back and lead me to the examination bed. She started to examine me and tried to ask less questions than she usually did.

A few minutes later she put a cold watered cloth on my forehead and told me to rest and she left the room. I covered my eyes with my arm. Soon she came back.
"Erwin" she said quietly. I moved my hand away from my eyes. "It's cymbopogon tea. It'll help just drink with a cup two times a day." She said. I drinked the tea and soon fell asleep.

When I woke up she was sitting at her desk and reading a book. When I sat up she looked at me and a warm smile appeared on her face. ' I wish I could wake up and see this view every morning.' I thought.
"Are you feeling better?" I nodded as a reply.
"Thank you, but how did you know that tea will help?" I wanted to hear her voice more.
"The stress caused your headache and the cymbopogon helps relax." She explained. 'How clever and kind. I wish we weren't in the survey corps. I would immediately tell her how I feel. But in this life it's better to don't get the people too close to you.'

//End of flashback//

We were sitting there when the sentinels shot up red smoke as a warning. An other group of titans were running towards us. We were ready to fight. I wanted to get my revenge.

There was a team whose duty was to get the titans attention. The others had to get behind them and slice their neck. We had many victims. After the fight Hanji tried to help on the casualties, but her knowledge wasn't enough to save them. There weren't too much survivors so we got the order of retreat. The sun almost desappeared from the sky when we reached Shiganshina. It was the nearest district.

Hanji's POV

I was with the casualties and tried to apply what I learnt from (Y/N). We were walking on the road when I saw Eren. He had a huge smile  on his face while looking at me but he soon realised that something was wrong.
Eren ran up to me.
" Squad leader Hanji? Are you alright? Where is Doctor (Y/N)?" That was the moment when I felt the tears again in my eyes. "I'm sorry." He said and looked down.
"She was an important member for the scouts." That was the only thing that I coul say. I took a deep breath and countinued. " Without her the number of the deaths will increase. And she was my best friend." My voice was sad and monotone.
"If we can help you somehow, then let us know." Eren offered me.
"Thank you. You are a good kid, Eren."  I gave him a sad smile and countinued my way to the HQ.

I locked myself in the office and knocked the things off the table in my anger. I put my head on it and started to cry. A few hours later I fell asleep.