Awoken

Everly:CH10: Near-Death Part 2

"Come in," he calls from inside.

"Go on, you'll be fine," Kahli reassures me.

The room is as expected, a metal desk and a dark grey three-seater couch, pot plants on either side, metal filing cabinets in a corner and an enchanted feature wall of the botanical garden and its large waterfall sits behind the desk and chair. As if alive the leaves are swaying, birds quietly tweeting, water pattering against rocky surfaces and the sun is illuminating the room perfectly.

"It's nice to meet you," Aldwen is on his feet, his hand reaching out for mine.

"You too," I return the gesture before taking a seat on the couch. He has Doc's notes which means I can skip on going through my childhood and adolescence. It's a boring story.

"I want to start with a reading, what's your poison- coffee or tea?" he asks.

"No!"

Aldwen is startled by my reaction.

I continue, "It's just that won't end well, for you. Can we skip the reading today?"

"Okay, how about we start with how the past few days have been?" he asks. Aldwen looks to be an older man, salt and pepper coloured hair match bushy eyebrows while Rosy cheeks give his white and weathered complexion some colour. His green cloak is blending in with the greenery and plants.

"Like usual, except I have a new thing to suck at."

Negative thinking is harmful, I know but sometimes I don't have it in me to fake a smile. Magic is meant to make things better, it healed a dying world yet all the bad has only gotten worse.

I'm still frozen and unable to move yet life keeps rushing by me just out of my reach. Memories keep getting hazier and fighting for control is getting more exhausting with each year that passes. I try, to do better, to be better, to rise about it, but nothing I do is good enough.

Treatment-resistant, it's a bitch and a half.

Aldwen nods, jotting down his observations.

"You're approaching your 30th birthday, let's talk about that."

Sure let's talk about my biggest fear.

"You mean how every other 30 year old owns their own home, is married, has children and regular holidays? Yet before Polly, I had zero long term relationships, and still haven't been in love?"

He's not the one I'm frustrated at. I need to take a deep breath, he's just trying to help.

"Is that what you want from life, to be in love and married and have a family?" He asks.

All I know for sure is that I completely wasted my 20's, and I'm terrified my 30's is going to be the same. I want to be free, to see the world, to publish novels for a living, I want Polly to have the life she deserves.

I shrug, "I don't know. Looking after myself is hard enough but Polly wants to be a mother."

"What do you feel for Polly?"

"She's my best friend. The sex is good but she deserves better than me. I can't give her the life she deserves."

When it comes to the intimacy parts outside of sex, I struggle the most. Polly likes hugging for hours after sex, talking romantically including gushy nicknames, and PDA so the complete opposite of me.

"I keep meaning to break it off, so Polly can find someone who isn't broken even though it might mean losing her, but I'm talked out of it every time."

Another thing to feel guilty about.

"Ever think there is a reason for that? An enchanted tonic perhaps?" Karma appears behind Aldwen, her elbows digging into his shoulders, her hands resting atop his head, chin leaning on her hands. He shifts uncomfortably.