What We Lost | Fillie

Chapter Thirteen: Fireworks

Finn lets his eyes trail from her hand to her face as he accepts what he was about to do, This is it. he thinks, This is actually happening.

The overly flirtatious woman before him takes a step forward then jumps back suddenly, startled by an incredibly close sounding firework.

"Oh geez!" She gasps, clutching the imaginary pearls around her neck. "Seems the real fireworks beat us to the punch, huh?"

Finn expressionlessly nods as this moment feels so foreign yet all too familiar to him.

The fireworks. A girl before him, ready to hand herself over to him. Him feeling unsure whether or not they should do it.

It's all eerily familiar in a very twisted sort of way. The most undeniably different aspect of this situation is the Finn isn't in love with the girl in front of him. Hell, he doesn't even know her name. This girl just wants his body, whereas Millie wanted him. All of him.

Of course thinking of those similarities hurtles Millie to the forefront of his mind and now she is all he can think about. Their similar but infinitely better moment replaying in his mind and distracting him from his present activities.

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Finn holds Millie in his bare arms under a thin blanket that is the only thing protecting them from the imposing night that surrounds them.He can't think beyond this moment right now and doesn't want to. 

He sees the fireworks erupting and lighting up the sky above them, taking increasingly less labored breaths as he watches the colors fizzle into blackness. He feels Millie wrap her arm around his naked torso and snuggle closer to him, laying her head on his shoulder, pressing her body against his as if there is a shortage of heat which can't be further from the reality. 

He can feel her slowly decreasing heartbeat against his skin and wishes to feel it forever. He wishes to feel everything he is feeling at this moment, forever. As far as he is concerned, there is no time in the past or in the future where he will feel more happy, or more fulfilled, than he does right now. Staying frozen at this point in time is the only possible course of action that makes him feel content.

But he knows that's impossible so he resigns himself to just soak in every ounce of right now that he can.

He read somewhere that skin on skin contact allows the soul to flourish and is a 'need' like food and water. Well, right now Finn's soul is burning with nourishment. He's never felt more alive.

Millie exhales onto his chest making his skin tingle from the warmth of it. "Mil," He dares to speak into mild night air. He looks down at her while drawing circles on her bare back with his middle finger.

"Hm?" She tilts her head up so she can meet his gaze.

"Was um, was that—" He sighs, unsure how to word his question.

"It was perfect, love." she assures him, running her fingers through his hair. Her hand lands on his cheek and he breathes a sigh of relief into it, kissing her palm. 

But, really, he knows it wasn't "perfect". How could it be when neither of them have done it before? He definitely thinks things were a bit bumpy to start off and while he feels like they figured eachother out, he knows he left her with something to be desired. But the encouraging words from his girlfriend allow him to believe that at least it wasn't terrible for her. And it doesn't change how he feels. He feels on top of the world even if he is only physically on top of a hill.