What We Lost | Fillie

Chapter Fifteen: Out of Sight, Out of Mind?

The next month and a half of Millie's life consist of almost non-stop filming and training. She has been taking her anxiety pills more regularly to try and suppress the concerning and growing feeling that she wants Finn back in her life in a more real way. A feeling triggered by a stupid kiss that she didn't think she'd have to film until September when she might have been more mentally prepared for something like that.

Having to see Finn for training has been challenging to say the least, and his increasingly toned physique is not helping.  She makes a point to not talk with him more than absolutely necessary. When he asks her questions, she gives one word answers, and when that doesn't suffice, her responses never leave any room for follow up dialogue.

Anytime she finds herself thinking about him or feels her eyes wandering to his increasingly more tempting body, she is quick to remind herself of the pain he caused her and when that doesn't work, she downs a clonazepam which always does the trick. The little yellow pill dulls her brain to the point that she doesn't feel anything toward Finn. Not anger, not sadness, and definitely not affection. But she only uses them when dealing with him, so when she isn't filming with him, or training with him, she's okay.

During the first two weeks of filming, most of Millie's scenes were primarily with Finn but lucky for her, since the beginning of August she hasn't had any scenes with her ex nor does she have any more training with him. As a matter of fact, she won't have to see him until September which will allow her time to think—or rather not think—about the loaded kiss and what it means to her.

With her mind more free from the complicated subject known as Finn, Millie finds herself more able to immerse herself in her work. She is really liking the process of filming this movie and she absolutely adores her scenes with Emma. Her fellow Brit is everything she hoped she'd be and a great mentor as well. Emma's life and career experience have made her the perfect person for Millie to talk to with everything going on in her life and they often just sit around chatting about anything and everything from what oils are most overused by homeopaths to how the moon makes them feel on cloudless nights to what condiments do and don't belong on hotdogs.

While waiting to shoot a scene, the two Brits are lounging in Emma's trailer and talking, the time, about their shared English origins and what it's like being British in America which Millie always finds to be an interesting topic, but then the dame steers the conversation in a completely new direction, catching Millie utterly off guard.

"So what exactly is going on between you and Mr. Wolfhard?" Emma asks, "You seem to have a bit of a history."

Millie's body stiffens and she immediately feels the urge to take one of her pills that she hasn't taken since she last filmed with Finn a few weeks ago. She thinks better of it, though. She doesn't need Miss Thompson thinking she is some sort of drug addict.

"Um, we do." She hesitantly shares, "Have a history, I mean." She clarifies.

Emma settles further into her seat,  preparing for the story that Millie doesn't want to tell, and frankly, isn't sure how to tell.

"We dated a couple of years ago." She starts, her hands fidgeting like they always do when she's uncomfortable.

"Well that much is clear," the actress says with a lighthearted laugh , "but if you don't mind me asking, what happened? I don't mean to pry, it's just—I get the sense it was quite difficult. . .whatever it was."

Millie tugs at her earlobe and gazes out the window. She does, in fact, mind that Emma is asking. But she also has a strange impulse to tell her. . . everything. She feels pretty close to her, like she's a long lost aunt that is just eager to help her niece with life's issues. The older woman has an aura of understanding around her that invites her to share without judgement and its coaxing Millie into thinking she just might.