What We Lost | Fillie

Chapter Twenty Two: Like it or Not

"What do you keep looking at? Wait— whose room is this?"

Finn waves his arms in a sharp, repeating 'X' motion but as good of an actor as Millie is, she can't pretend that she is the only person in this room. Especially once Sadie pushes on the door, meeting the resistance of Finn's body huddled behind it.

"Here we go. . ." Millie breathes out, backing away from the door, allowing it to swing open. Finn immediately stands up straight and tries to act like standing in a corner in front of a closet, staring at the wall is a completely normal pass-time.

"Oh! Hey guys, what um—what's up?" He asks, about five octaves higher than his usual voice with his hands moving from his hips to the wall and finally landing with his arms crossed over his chest.

Sadie looks between Millie, who is standing stiffly with her hands in her pockets, looking at Finn, and Finn whose leg is bouncing like he is about to piss his pants, and just squints at the two of them and she and Noah walk fully into the room. 

They amble into the main space and look around, sharing an uncomfortable glance as they notice the connecting door to Millie's room is wide open and the bed in it is perfectly made in contrast to the blankets haphazardly strewn over the bed in this room. Millie and Finn are unknowingly inching closer and closer to each other as Noah and Sadie survey the room with interrogating eyes, combing over every detail like a couple of homicide detectives.

"W-what happened?" Sadie asks in a much more calm way than Millie had been expecting.

At this point she can feel Finn looming just inches behind her, probably too scared, or too ashamed to meet the gazes of either of his two old friends. They obviously didn't go through anything like what she went through, but Finn can't possibly deny that his asinine actions caused them an amount of pain that he can't be proud of.

Especially Sadie.

Sadie was there with Millie that night and saw everything. She was there for her when Finn wasn't. She helped her through all of it and is, again, here today, ready to defend her and help her through anything that he might've done to make her life harder.

"I know what you guys must be thinking." Millie starts, her eyes darting between her two best friends. Their concern bordering on hostility makes her suck in an apprehensive breath but then she feels a gentle hand on the small of her back. She closes her eyes and exhales into a calm confidence, knowing she made the right decision. 

"Last night, I decided to talk to Finn about what happened, I—" she sighs, "It was time. . .I needed to."

Noah looks to the ground, nodding slowly, accepting what he can't control but Sadie doesn't break eye contact.

Millie feels like she is trying to read her mind with her penetrating gaze. It would probably be easier if she could because Millie doesn't know how to articulate exactly what it is that made her forgive Finn and get back together with him. The simple answer is that she loves him. The more complicated aspect is why she is in love with him.

After all he has done, it would be all too easy for her to hate him and never want to see him again but that just isn't the case. Maybe deep down, Millie knows that what Finn did wasn't really him. She can't let him off the hook completley, but she can't torture him for the rest of his life because of a mistake he made while being a drunk teenager. No matter how stupid it was, it just wasn't him. Not really. That's why she's never stopped loving him. The part of her that knows Finn the most, the part that knows his soul, knew that if Finn was able to truly understand what happened and what he did that he would be sorry. That's why she had to ignore his existence for so long. Because if she didn't, she wouldn't have been able to stand being away from him.