The Royal Spare (COMPLETED)

31- Of A Man's Desire And A Knight's Code

She was very upset and I wanted to know how I could comfort her. I was surprised by her strength when she pulled me back. It was so sudden that I stepped back when I turned so as not to clash against her and hurt her. I fell on the door and unwittingly closed it. I was going to ask what she needed from me when it happened. Before I knew it, her luscious lips were on mine.

I was dreaming. I was certain it was another dream like the one's I have of her every night-- the softness of her skin and form pressed against my body, the sweet taste of her lips on mine.

It couldn't be real. I must be another one of those heavenly moments with my Princess that I had to live with every night only to find her gone when I open my eyes. It was torture and my heart ached more each day that I knew all that there could ever be of me and Maiena was a dream. It was a punishment that I had to endure for the strong forbidden desire which I have for what could never be.

But how could it be a dream when I was fully awake and aware of the loud roaring of my heart in my chest and the furious rushing of blood in my veins? How could it be a dream when I could feel every stroke of her soft mouth that was eagerly nibbling and coaxing my lips? How could it be a dream when I can taste the warm sweetness of her fiery kiss? How could it be a dream when I was keenly aware of the goosebumps on my nape and arms as she groped the back of my head and kissed me harder?

I wasn't dreaming. It was real. As real as the delirious pulsing of every cell in my body to her touch, smell and taste. As real as the awakening of my primal desires for the woman that I love.

"Kiss me." She whispered on my lips as her hands found their way down to my chest and rubbed my skin through my shirt. The raging urge inside me became even harder to control but I stayed strong.

"Touch me, Aidan." She started unbuttoning my shirt as her hungry kisses nipped down my neck. The beast inside me roared loudly and banged on its cage, demanding to be let out but I fought to keep it at bay.

Just as I thought I could survive that torture, she hooked one leg around my hip and pressed her pelvis down. I felt like I was going to explode, every inch of my skin was on fire. "Take me. Make me yours, Aidan."

I dared not move. I kept my hands tightly clenched into fists on my sides, stood still with my eyes closed and recited the rosary in my head. Hell. I will burn in hell if I gave in to what my heart and soul was yearning for.

But would it really be a sin to do so? Would God really punish me for loving the woman that I adore thoroughly in every way my heart, soul and body can allow?

No. It wouldn't but I knew it would be wrong to do so in such circumstances. She was giving herself to me out of spite, anger and frustration. If I took advantage of that, no matter how I meant to love her, really make love to her, it would be meaningless.

I struggled to block the overwhelming sensations that were storming my flesh. I knew that as soon as I laid a finger on her skin or moved my lips to respond to her kisses, I would lose the final sliver of self-control in my body and fulfill my greedy need to make her mine.

But she is not mine.

The Princess was meant to belong to someone else.

At last I found the strength to hold her. She stopped kissing my chest when she felt the careful but firm force of my grip. I held her tightly but lovingly in my arms to keep her from moving. "Maiena..." I called but she kept her head down.

"Maiena, look at me." I said and she slowly lifted her chin to meet my gaze.

As soon as our eyes met, my heart broke into a million pieces. The pain, the anger and the helplessness in her eyes were indescribable and they pierced through my very soul.

"Maiena..." I sighed as I gently reached one hand up to touch her face while my other arm still held her close.

Her swollen lips quivered and one by one her tears escaped her brimming eyes. One heartbreaking whimper broke free from her chest and silent sobs racked her body.

I held her head to my chest and hugged her tighter to let her know it was okay for her to cry and be vulnerable. I would never leave her.

"I'm so stupid." She cried. "How can I even think that they would listen to me? How can I hope that they would even consider my solutions? Everyone keeps ignoring me. I'm just a stupid little princess to them who has no business in dealing with political matters other than to whore me off to the strongest ally." She sobbed. "Nobody listens to me.

I wanted to say something to comfort her but I figured not saying anything was the best I could do. She didn't need someone to tell her anything, she needed someone who would listen. So I listened.

After some time, I lifted her into my arms and carried to her bed. She laid on her side and pulled my arm over her waist then burrowed her back into my body. I hugged her close and nuzzled into her hair until she fell asleep.

***