It's Harder Breathing Next To You // KELLIC

9

I fell onto my bed, staring at the ceiling, lightly touching my lips. The feeling of Vic's lips still lingered on mine even though they were only there for a few seconds. My stomach hadn't calmed down and the beating of my heart pulsated through my entire body. I didn't understand though. I hate Vic. I know that I hate him. My head says 'yes, you hate Vic, stay away from the arrogant prick', yet I can't seem to shake him out of my system. The only reasonable explanation for why I'm acting like this must be just because of the physical side of it. It was just the act of being kissed which made me feel all weird like this. That's it. However, I wanted to know why he kissed me out of nowhere. The first conclusion that I jumped to was that he's probably messing with me. He must have something planned; I just don't know what yet. Maybe he took a picture without me noticing and is planning on telling the school that I forced myself on him. I felt like that was very unlikely though. He seemed serious when he said no one else was going to hurt me. Then again, I don't really know Vic Fuentes. He could be lying straight to my face.

My door lightly creaked open and I jolted upright, looking to the door. My dad stood there holding the empty bottle of pills I took last night. Shit.

"I called all the hospitals nearby. None of them have ever heard of you." He threw me the bottle and I caught it with both hands. I looked back at him with wide eyes.

"I-I, um," I couldn't think of a thing to say. He didn't look mad, he didn't look upset. He didn't look like he had any emotion on his face what-so-ever.

"So you tried to kill yourself?" He asked, still standing over at the half opened door. I couldn't do anything but slowly nod my head. I felt like a deer stuck in headlights. I forgot all about the empty bottle still being there. I didn't think that he would find out what I did.

"Huh." He grunted. "Too bad you failed. I could do without you in my life." He looked at me with pure hatred before he slammed my door shut and I heard his footsteps retreating. I sighed and fell back onto my bed. My own dad wishes I were dead. He just said so himself. I felt like a child that just got smacked in the face and all he wanted to do was run away and let someone hold him until the feeling of rejection subsided. I was a disappointment of a child to my dad and that hurt more than what anyone at school could do to me. No matter how much I hate him, I can't help but want his acceptance and approval.

I took deep, shaky breaths to try and prevent myself from crying. I felt like crying, I really did, but he didn't deserve any more of my tears. And while I was laying there, trying to pull myself from this sudden upsetting reverie, I found myself thinking about the kiss that happened minutes ago. I thought about how for a moment I didn't feel depressed. At that moment when he kissed me, even though I may be completely delusional, I felt good about myself. I felt like someone actually wanted me, even though the mere thought of Vic wanting me is beyond crazy. I held onto that feeling for the rest of the night.

—-

I walked into the school building the next day feeling, well, I was terrified. I didn't want to face Craig, Vic or the rest of the hate-filled student body. I walked through the halls, getting the usual whispers. Some people were even laughing at me, and then I remembered what Vic told me. Craig posted what he did to me on Facebook so I'm sure everyone knows about it now and thinks it's hilarious.

I made my way to my locker and opened it. All I wanted to do was disappear into my lyric notebook and let everything out on the pages. I shifted around some of my books but I couldn't find the light green cover. I gave up, closing the locker door. I guess I must have taken it home with me. I can't really remember. Instead of writing lyrics I went to my math class early. Mr. Gee, who always gets to class early, gave me an odd look, but I ignored it and went to my seat at the back.

Craig and his posse came in shortly after the bell rang, followed by the rest of the class. Everyone was looking back and forth between Craig and I. People in class were chatting with each other while Mr. Gee prepared himself for the lesson. Craig turned in his seat and looked at me with a smirk.

"Did you have a fun trip back?" He teased. I guess Vic didn't keep his promise by making them stop. I doubt he has that kind of power anyway.

"Answer me, faggot." I rolled my eyes and looked away, once again ignoring his taunting. It wouldn't be long until my big mouth let something slip though, and trust me; there was a lot I wanted to say. I could feel Sassy Kellin clawing at the cage I locked him in. No, replying would only make it worse. I could tell Craig was getting annoyed with my lack of response though.

"He probably offered some dude a blowjob to get back." Craig sneered, earning himself some laughs from his fellow classmates. He was trying too hard and I was making him frustrated by ignoring him.

"Fuck you." Craig growled in anger. Finally, I gave in to myself, not really thinking about the consequences. My eyes shot to him.

"There's no need to get all upset, Craig. Look, I am flattered you drove me all the way out of town just to ask me to have sex with you, but just because I refused when I saw how small your dick is doesn't mean you have to get mad at me." I said in the sweetest tone I could muster up. The whole class when silent, apart from a few snickers here and there. Even Mr. Gee stopped what he was doing and looked at us, well mostly me, in shock.

"You fucking lying fag!" Craig shouted and pounced out of his seat, knocking into tables as he came at me. He tackled me out of my chair and I landed on the hard ground with a thud, my head banging into a wall. I heard a couple of girls screaming at the sudden attack. I saw the fist coming moments before it connected with my mouth. I immediately tasted blood.

"You think you can just fucking talk to me like that and get away with it?!" He yelled. He hit the same place again. I pushed at his chest to get him away from me but he was too strong. My head was spinning from the impact, plus I don't think I was 100% recovered from the pills the other night. In the distance I heard Mr. Gee yelling and then Craig getting pulled off of me. He pushed away whoever pulled him off and then he stormed towards the exit. I wasn't going to let him get away with hitting me. I was fucking mad and I know I let my dad do all kinds of things to me, but I wasn't going to put up with physical abuse at school. Mental abuse, sure, but physical? No. I get enough of that at home.

I pulled myself from the ground and ran towards the door. I went into the hall and saw Craig still walking away.

"Hey! Don't walk away from a fight." I challenged. Maybe I'm crazy, or maybe I have a concussion? Or maybe I've had so much built up anger and frustration since I started school here that I just need to let it out. Maybe getting into a fight will be good for me.

"You sure you want to go there, Quinn?" He yelled down the hall. I walked towards him quickly, not backing down for once in my life. I got to him and pushed him, giving him his answer.

"You are so going to regret that." He hissed. In one swift movement he brought his knee up and it collided with my stomach, hard. The air left my lungs as I doubled over in pain and he kicked my legs out from underneath me so I fell to my knees.

"Do you really think a fucking homo like you could stand a chance against me?!" He shouted.

Surrounding classrooms heard the commotion and one by one doors were opening and students were disobeying their teachers by watching us. I looked up at Craig from my kneeling position.

"You seem awfully interested in whether I'm gay or not. I think you're trying to hide a secret of your own." I mocked. His eyes filled with rage again and he went to kick me. I was expecting it though, so I blocked it, grabbed his leg and pulled it so he fell onto his back on the ground. I crawled onto him and he tried to get up. I pushed him back down roughly.

"Not so fun when the tables have turned, huh?" I said and pushed him back down once again. Adrenaline was coursing through my veins, making me feel stronger than I really was. Teachers were yelling at us now and trying to get through the crowd of people. I wanted to get one hit in though before they stopped it. I went to punch him but someone caught my arm and within seconds my light body was being pulled off of Craig's. I looked at the person who had me. It was Mike.

"Stop." He said forcefully, pushing me in the opposite direction. "If you don't hit him you can't get in trouble."

"But I want to hit him!" I argued. I turned back and saw Craig jumping off the ground. He scowled at me and came towards me once again, but he was blocked off by two bodies in front of me. From the back of them I could tell it was Jaime and Tony. What the? I looked around but there was no sign of Vic anywhere.

"Game over." Jaime said to Craig. "Now run along."

Through the gap in-between Tony and Jaime I saw Craig looking at the two of them confused.

"You've gotta be kidding me." He said quietly as a look of realization went across his face. I don't know what he just realized though. Tony and Jaime didn't say anything. Craig just gave up and the next second the teachers got to us. Tony and Jaime disappeared, as did the rest of the students. As the hallways were clearing out I saw Vic leaning against the lockers. He was looking at me with an amused smirk on his face before he left with the rest of the students. The only people left in the hall now were a few teachers, me, Craig and Mike, who I remembered skips his first period gym class. Mr. Gee spoke to the other teachers briefly before they all disappeared.

"You." Mr. Gee said pointed at Craig. "Go to the principal's office. I'll be down momentarily to give details."

"And you." Mr. Gee said, turning to me this time. "You're lucky you didn't throw a punch because this could have gotten a lot worse for you. Get to the nurses office. I expect Mr. Fuentes can escort you there." I looked at Mike who nodded at Mr. Gee and then the two of us walked down the hall in the opposite direction of Craig.

"Are you crazy?" Mike asked when we were out of ear shot.

"Maybe." I said with a shrug. I didn't feel satisfied at all with what I just did. I wanted to hit him. I wanted to get some sort of payback for what he's done to me but I didn't get that.

"Whatever. You don't have to worry about him anymore." Mike said.

"Don't I? Because he looked like he wanted to kill me." I pointed out. Mike chuckled. What is so funny about that?

"You've got a lot to learn about this school. Dude, Jaime and Tony stood up for you." He said.

"And?"

"So that means they're on your side. No will mess with you now." He said. I wonder if that is what Vic had in mind when he said he won't let anyone hurt me anymore? Like if he shows I have the support of his friends then no one will come near me. The altercation with Jaime, Tony and Craig was starting to make sense now. Those two pretty much do whatever Vic tells them to do. They had no business sticking up for me unless Vic told them to.

The thought of him keeping his promise put a smile on my face, but I grimaced when my lip ached. I wiped at my lips, getting rid the blood trailing down my chin. I could feel at least one cut in my lip, although I don't know how deep it is. Mike took me to the nurse's office and stayed with me while the nurse cleaned the cut and gave me an icepack. She told me the cut wasn't deep and it should heal quickly enough. I didn't want to go back to class though so I told her about hitting my head and feeling dizzy so she let me stay. Mike stuck around with me.

"Feeling okay?" He asked when the nurse left the room. We were sitting on one of those doctor's beds with our feet hanging over the edge.

"Yeah I'll be fine. I'm playing it up a bit though so I don't have to go to class." I said.

"Nice." He laughed. I put the icepack on my mouth, hoping that it wouldn't swell up. We were silent for a little while, but it wasn't awkward at all. Mike was never quiet but he was now and I could guess what he was thinking about and he was probably contemplating whether to bring it up or not. I waited patiently for him to make a decision.

"So, like, the other night, uh, are you going to, um, I don't know." He gave up with a sigh.

"It's okay, Mike. You can talk about it." I said.

"What the hell were you thinking? A drug overdose? Like what the fuck dude? Did you want to kill yourself? Why did you call me? You scared the fucking shit out of me, dude! I thought you were going to die and then I just...are you going to do it again?" He rambled on, going a hundred miles an hour. I looked at the floor in shame.

"I wasn't thinking straight that night. I took the pills and then I freaked out and you were the only person I could call. I'm sorry I scared you." I said in a quiet voice. "Oh, and trust me, I won't be doing it again." I quickly added.

"You better not. I mean, I could handle it, but Vic, he-" Mike stopped what he was saying abruptly.

"Vic what?" I asked.

"Nothing. Never mind. Hey, do want to come over my place this afternoon? We can play some more halo?" He asked. His mood completely changed and he was his usual bouncy, hyper self again. I wanted to know what he was going to say about Vic and that night, but I dropped it.

"Uh, no thanks. I'm busy this afternoon." I lied. The truth was that I didn't want to be near Vic. I don't know how to act around him after that kiss. Should I even bring it up or should I just pretend it never happened? I know he may have saved me back there with Craig, but that doesn't change anything. I still hate him.

Mike hung out with me for a little bit more before the nurse told him to leave. I kept up the charade that I was feeling dizzy, which I guess wasn't a complete lie; I mean I did hit my heard pretty hard back there. I managed to keep the charade alive until after I ate the lunch the nurse bought in for me.

"I think you should get to class now." The older lady said.

"But, concussion." I said, pointing to my head.

"You've had something to eat and you've been fine for the past few hours. You can go to class." She said.

"Oh come on, just another half an hour?" I pleaded with her. Music class just started and I'd rather not face Vic.

"Go." She ordered sternly. I sighed and slipped off the bed. That evil witch! Alright, that's probably a bit harsh. She's been perfectly nice since I've been in here.

Yet now I have left the comfort of the nurse's office and am on the way to music. I think I might just ignore Vic the whole time. I stopped by my locker on the way there, once again searching for my lyrics notebook, but I couldn't find it. Where did I put the fucking thing? I gave up again and picked up a random book and pen and took it to class. I walked in late, but Mrs. Ascot must have heard what happened because she just smiled at me and let me walk in. I avoided even looking at Vic when I walked in. Instead I went to the empty back corner of the room and sat on the floor with my notebook open, resting it on my knees. I wasn't writing anything good, mostly I was just pretending to be working. I was minding my own business when someone sat down next to me. I looked up to see a random guy from our class. He had slicked back ginger hair was wearing black, thick rimmed glasses.

"Dude, I saw the fight with you and Craig. It's about time someone stood up to him. Good work, you know, even though you didn't get a punch in." He said in a squeaky voice.

"Uh, thanks." I said awkwardly. This is the first time this person has ever spoken to me.

"Oh, I'm Matty by the way. Matty Mullins." He said. He held out his hand for me to shake. I wasn't much of a hand shaker but I shook it anyway.

"I'm Kellin." I said.

"Yeah, I know. I mean, everyone knows." He said.

"They do?" I asked confused.

"Uh yeah, you don't just get on the bad side of both Craig and Vic after a day of being at this school and not get known by everyone." He said.

Oh. That's strange. I didn't think anyone knew who I was. I mean, yeah, they clearly know who I am, but I didn't think anyone actually knew my name considering I mostly just got called a faggot or 'the new kid'. I was about to reply to him when I stopped because I noticed Vic walking towards us. He stopped in front of us, I looked down at my notebook and out of the corner of my eye I saw Matty looking at him.

"Leave, loser." Vic said. I looked up to see that he was talking to Matty. Matty looked at me with a sad smile before getting up and leaving me with Vic. I stood up quickly, not liking him towering over me.

"That was mean." I said, hugging my notebook to my chest.

"I'm a mean person." He said.

"Yeah, I know." I rolled my eyes and looked away from his gaze.

"So, what, you and Mullins are friends now or something?" He asked. He leant against the wall, facing me. I was facing forward.

"No. I don't have friends." I said, glancing at him once. Being around him gave me that weird feeling again, the same one I got in the car yesterday afternoon when he leant across me. I gulped and turned my head away from him.

"I know. Listen, I'm having a party this weekend. You should come." He said.

I looked at him properly this time, but the look was one of shock.

"Are you crazy? I'll get eaten alive." I said.

"You'll be fine." He said.

"No. I'm not going. End of discussion." I said, hoping that he would drop it. There is no way I'm going to a party that he's throwing. That's like signing your own death warrant.

We stood there for a minute, him looking at me, me looking away but glancing at him every once in a while. I looked around the room. Everyone seemed pretty focused on their assignments and not paying attention to us. If they had been paying attention they probably would have been wondering why he kept staring at me without speaking with that annoying smirk on his face. It was like he was mentally teasing me. The memories from the kiss yesterday afternoon was flooding my mind and I felt like asking the question I had been wondering since then.

"Vic I-" I stopped, thinking twice about what I was saying.

"What?" He asked. I sighed, finally turning to him. Okay, just ask him and it'll be over with.

"A-are you, um, are you...gay?" I whispered the last part. I was expecting him to laugh in my face or yell at me or punch me, but he didn't. He just kept that cocky smile playing on his lips.

"Come to my party and find out for yourself." He said with a wink. I could feel my face heat up straight away.

"Oh and by the way," He stopped and quickly looked around at the rest of the class. "You might want let that heal before then." He said, lightly brushing his thumb over the cut on my bottom lip, before he walked away.

"Jesus fucking Christ." I muttered, letting out a breath I had been holding. What the hell is that jerk doing to me?