It's Harder Breathing Next To You // KELLIC

22

VIC'S POV~

"Who is it?" Beau asked when I looked at the caller ID on the phone.

"No one." I muttered and put the phone back in my pocket. I instantly felt guilty for ignoring Kellin, but this was important. "Look, Beau, you know I care about you and I hate to-"

My phone was ringing again. God damn it this boy is fucking persistent.

"It's Kellin, isn't it?" He asked, looking a bit hurt. I looked at him apologetically before I answered the phone.

"Hey, what's up?" I asked into the phone.

"Hey, uh, where are you right now?" He asked. His voice sounded a bit off, but this was Kellin, he's always a bit off.

"I'm just...at home." I said, rolling my eyes at the lame lie. "It doesn't matter. Look, I'm kind of busy. Is something wrong?" I asked. It better not be his fucking father. He was silent for a moment and I wondered if he hung up before he spoke again.

"That's funny 'cause I don't remember there being a fucking tree in your room." He snapped and then the line went dead. What? Is he watching me? I quickly looked around and my eyes fell on the small boy across the road. I could almost see the pained expression on his face. Oh shit, this is not going to end well.

"Go to him." Beau said, gesturing towards Kellin.

"I can't." I protested. I was in such a predicament. Both boys mean so much to me and both needed me right now. I couldn't turn my back on Beau though, not when he's in such a bad state.

"I'll be fine, Vic. I'll be fine." He said and started backing away. A second later he was running away from me. I looked at Kellin knowing that he probably hated me right now for lying. I was a compulsive fucking liar, but sometimes it was easier to lie than tell the truth. If he knew the truth he'd hate me. I vowed to myself that I'd go and sort things out with Kellin later, but right now I couldn't leave Beau, so I ran after him.

"Beau, wait!" I shouted as I ran. I have no idea where he was going; probably to his parent's house, not that they really wanted him there anyway. "Beau, please!" I was being as forceful as I could because I know that it scares him a bit, but I was willing to do anything to make him stop. It worked. He stopped running until he fell into a walk. I caught up with him quickly and took his hand so he'd stop walking and stand with me. I dropped it as soon as we started to get weird looks.

"I don't want you to do anything stupid." I told him.

"I won't." He said.

"Were you not part of that conversation we just had. I can't fucking trust you to go off by yourself." I said, glaring at him. He kept telling me he was okay, but I know he's not, especially not at this time of the year.

"You should go and explain everything to your boyfriend." He said. This annoyed me. I keep lying to Kellin about my whereabouts because of him and now he's telling me to explain things to him?

"You don't want him to know." I said.

"I don't like total strangers knowing my business, but if it's ruining your relationship then just tell him. I'll be fine, okay?" He asked. A thought popped into my mind. A way I can keep an eye on him while also making things right with Kellin again.

"Come with me."

—-

KELLIN'S POV~

I wrapped a bandage around my hand and tightened it, securing it with a safety pin. My tears had stopped because honestly I was more confused and mad than upset. Vic lying to me didn't make any sense in my head. I truly thought I meant something to him and I know it was real, I know it...but he's cheating on me. Everything pointed towards that conclusion. The secret texts, going off to meet each other and him lying to me about it. He always looked so happy every time Beau's name was mentioned. They used to date which means there are obviously feelings there. Even if he isn't cheating and somehow I'm mistaken, he still lied to me. God, why am I so stupid sometimes?

I looked at myself in what was left of the smashed mirror. My eyes were red from crying and my cheeks were tear-stained. I turned the water on and washed my face, dried it, and walked out of the bathroom to find a broom to clean up the shards of glass before my dad got home in the morning. As I was walking through the house towards our storage cupboard, I heard a knock on the door. I paused in the hallway and looked down at the door. If it was Vic then I really didn't want to speak to him right now, and if it was anyone else, well I really didn't want to speak to them either, so I ignored it and kept walking. I got the broom and a dust-pan and went back into the bathroom. There was a knock at the door again, but still I didn't move. I knew he wouldn't quit there though, so I wasn't surprised when I heard the front door opening. I sighed and prepared myself for the argument that was about to happen.

"Kellin?" He called out. His voice sounded frantic. Why did he even care if I was okay or not? "Kellin?" He called out again. Judging by where his voice was I could tell he just went to my room. I dropped the broom and walked out into the hallway. What I saw made me even angrier than I already was. Vic was standing at my bedroom door, but he wasn't alone. Beau was with him.

"Are you here to rub it in my face or something?" I asked. Vic's eyes shot to me, so did Beau's. I glared back at the two of them. "Get out."

"Kell-"

"Get out!" I shouted. "Don't you understand? I don't want to talk to you!"

Vic took a couple of cautious steps towards me, but I stepped away. There was no way I was going to let him sweet talk or seduce his way out of this one. I won't stand by and let him continue hurting me.

"Let me explain, please. Just listen to me." He said.

"Why? So you can lie to me some more?" I asked. He sighed and shook his head before looking at Beau. They seemed to do some sort of mind-reading thing before Beau nodded. Oh fantastic, they know each other so well they can read minds.

"I'll be outside." Beau said. He walked down the hallway past me. I flinched as he walked past. I looked back at Vic and shook my head at him. I walked towards him, but went straight past and into my room.

"You can leave too." I said quietly.

"No." He said. I turned around to find he was right in front of me. I pushed him away and out the door.

"You don't get to stay, alright? I don't want to talk to you." My teeth were gritting together and I was trying really hard not to turn this into a screaming match. I just want him to leave. He didn't stay out the door for very long though. He walked back in and took my hand.

"What did you do?" He asked with a concerned look on his face. I tore my hand away from him and hit his chest.

"Stop! Get the fuck out, Victor!" I screamed. I didn't want to hold back anymore. He clearly wasn't understanding that I didn't want to talk to him now or ever for that matter.

"You need to let me explain everything to you." He said in a calm voice.

"No, I don't need to let you do anything! What I need is for you to stay out of my life because I can't handle you hurting me over and over again!" I shouted. Tears were starting to appear and roll down my cheeks. "Every time I start to think that you're a half decent guy you do something to me that makes me feel like an idiot for trusting you."

"At least listen to me so you can have a legitimate reason for hating me." He said. He was still being calm and honestly it was starting to piss me off.

"I do have a legitimate reason! You're going around fucking your ex!" I screamed.

"I'm not cheating on you! I know you think I'm the worst person in the world and fuck, even I think that, but it's not for cheating on you. So just sit the fuck down and let me tell you about my past. Please, Kellin. I've been hiding so much shit about my past and I need to tell you so you can make up your mind about me based on the truth." He said. He was no longer calm, he looked upset. As much as I wanted him gone, I couldn't say no to that look. Besides, I need the truth.

"Fine. Go ahead."

"Thank you. Can we sit, please?" He asked. I was shaking so much and I think he could tell so I guess sitting would be better. I nodded and sat on my bed. He sat down next to me, both of us turned to the side facing each other. I wanted to avoid his eyes, but the way he was looking at me made it near impossible. He looked so insecure and scared which was so unlike him. I had a feeling that whatever he was going to say would be bad. Really bad.

"I haven't spoken about any of this since it actually happened and I probably should have told you already, but I'm just so scared that you'll hate me for it. Actually I know you'll hate me for it because you'll finally know how much of a horrible person I really am." He said.

I just shrugged. I didn't know what to say to that. If he wasn't cheating on me then what could he possibly have done?

"Alright, so there was this girl I knew a couple of years ago. Her name was Ellie." He started, but I interrupted his story.

"What's this got to do with Beau?" I asked.

"It's a long story, just hear me out. I need to tell you everything because I'm sick of keeping things from you." He said softy. I just nodded. I was kind of scared seeing this other, more vulnerable side of Vic. He was always the tough, confident one out of the two of us. Yet right now he looked more fragile than I was. I decided to keep my mouth shut until he was 100% done with his story.

"Ellie and I were best friends since childhood. We did absolutely everything together, but when we hit high school things started changing. I don't know why but she felt that the next stage in our friendship would be to start dating each other. I always knew she had a little crush on me but I ignored it until she asked me out on a real date. I thought I owed it to her to give it a go, so I did and we started dating. This was at a stage where I was confused about who I was, you know, whether I was gay or not. I didn't want to be gay so I stayed in this relationship with her for maybe six months until her brother came home from boarding school." He paused, taking a deep breath. He looked like he wanted to stop talking, but he didn't.

"Her brother, is Beau. I had met him a couple of times when we were younger but he was always getting into trouble so his parents sent him away. I know you probably don't want to hear this, but I was attracted to Beau instantly and we had this connection I guess." He paused again. He was right, I didn't want to hear this. But there was no point in stopping his story now.

"Keep going." I said. He nodded and looked away from me.

"Beau and I...we, uh, we started seeing each other...b-behind Ellie's back." He said in a barely audible voice. He looked at me again. His eyes held a lot of shame.

"So you cheated on her?" I asked. He nodded. He cheated on her and he wants me to believe that he's not doing the same with me? And with the same guy too?

"I know what you're thinking, so stop it. I know you don't believe me but I'm not cheating on you." He said.

"Is your story over?" I asked. "Because if that's all you wanted to tell me then I don't see what the big deal is." Why would I hate him for cheating on someone in the past? He has to be going somewhere with this.

"No, there's more. A lot more." He said. He waited for my nod before he kept going. "When Ellie found out about Beau and I she was upset, like really upset. She completely changed though. She started becoming really clingy even though we broke up. It got to the point where I just started to ignore her all the time. To be perfectly honest I was a real dick to her. I didn't want to accept what I did to her. I should have though. I should have been the friend I was supposed to be, but I didn't because I simply didn't care. I was a stupid kid who was blinded by love. So, uh, one night I was going over to their house to see Beau, but he wasn't home. All the lights were off but I could hear music blaring from inside, so I went in and I found her, Ellie, on the bathroom floor. She had overdosed on painkillers." He said and stopped talking again. My jaw dropped. I couldn't help but think how this was similar to what I had done.

"Did she, um, did she..." I couldn't form the words. I didn't need to though because the look on his face told me the answer.

"So you tormented her and she killed herself, but you didn't learn from your mistake and you continued to torment people?" I asked in shock.

"I know." His voice cracked and his eyes started glistening with unshed tears. "I didn't realize what I was doing at the time. I didn't realize that what she did was even my fault. I couldn't accept it. My best friend killed herself and I completely shut down. I turned off my emotions because it was easier that way and I accepted the fact that I'm an awful human being. And I went on so long like that until it happened all over again with you. You tried to kill yourself because of what I was doing and I, I'm just so sorry for being who I am." By the time he finished talking he was crying. I have never seen him cry before. I've never seen him nearly cry before. It broke my heart, but I was still in shock. I didn't know what to say to all of this. He looked truly sorry for what he did.

"What's all of this got to do with Beau?" I urged him to continue. He wiped at is eyes and just like that his crying stopped.

"Right, him." He said and cleared his throat. "Hold on." He got up and left my room, leaving me there in silence to contemplate everything, but my head wasn't processing everything he told me. I just want to find out the truth about Beau. A second later Vic came back with Beau following him. I stood up instantly, tensing up at his presence.

"Show him." Vic said to Beau. Beau nodded and took off some sort of necklace that was hanging around his neck. He held it out towards me and I cautiously took it. It looked like some sort of medallion maybe. It was bronze in color and had something written on it.

"To thine own self be true." I whispered as I read it. There was a triangle with the number 3 in it and the word 'months' written underneath. "Is this a-"

"Sobriety token." Beau finished my sentence with a nod and took the token back. "I'll be outside." Beau said and left Vic and I there again. I looked at Vic confused.

"I thought you would want some sort of proof that I'm telling you the truth about Beau, so that's why I got him to show you that. Ellie killed herself two years ago tomorrow. After she killed herself Beau didn't take it well at all and he turned to drinking. His parents have had him in and out of rehab in Texas since then. But every year around this time he comes back to visit so he can pay his respects to Ellie and spend some time with his family. However, his sponsor is still back in Texas so while he's here he needs someone to watch out for him. His parents like to think he's been magically cured so they don't take his alcoholism seriously, and I'm his only other friend so I've been helping him out. It's a really tough time of the year though so it's really difficult for him to stay sober. That's why I disappear sometimes. It's because he'll send me an S.O.S text and I have to go and talk him out of whatever he's thinking about doing." He said. Wow, so he isn't cheating on me then. I have to admit, I felt relieved. Very relieved. But it still doesn't change the fact that he lied to me.

"Why did you keep lying about where you were going then?" I asked.

"Because Beau doesn't like people knowing. I should have just told you I was with him but I didn't want you getting the wrong idea. I'm so sorry, Kellin. I'm sorry I didn't tell you any of this sooner but I was so afraid that you'd hate me for it. You already think I'm a bad person; I didn't want to make it even worse." He said.

I crossed my arms over my chest. I was still having a difficult time taking all of this in. It made it even harder with him here.

"I need some time to think about all of this." I told him.

"Are we over?" He asked quickly. I shook my head.

"I don't know anything right now." I said.

We just looked at each other for a few more seconds before he nodded and left me there.