It's Harder Breathing Next To You // KELLIC

33

**KELLIN'S POV**

Once I was done puking up pretty much every last ounce of alcohol left in me, Vic helped me into the passenger seat and even went as far as to plug in my seatbelt for me. I felt like a child being cared for like this. He's always caring for me... Why is he here and how did he even find me? Those questions didn't seem too important right now. I was more focused on how much my head and stomach hurt. I rested my head against the cold window as Vic started up the car and drove towards home.

"How do you feel?" He asked after about 10 minutes of silence. I felt sick. I felt like throwing up again. Ugh, I hate sobering up!

"Stop being so nice to me." I said.

"Kells, you breaking up with me isn't going to make me care about you any less." He said. My heart fluttered when he said my nickname. It had been a day full of so many emotions; heartbreak when I had to tell Vic I didn't want him in my life, jealousy when I saw him kissing Jenna, the most unimaginable pain when my mom left me again, and now I'm sitting here feeling guilty and physically sick. It was too much to handle for any normal person, let alone an overly-sensitive teenager like myself.

"I'm just so sorry." I whispered as a few tears started to fall. I wrapped my arms around myself, trying to find any type of comfort. I gazed out the window; mostly because I didn't want any sudden movements to make me dizzy and sick again.

"I don't believe you. If you're so sorry then why are you doing this? Why can't we get back together?" He asked.

"We can't. I want to but we can't." Why am I saying this? I'm so close to telling him the truth, I can feel it and with my head still clouded by alcohol I can see myself letting it slip. So, I decided to keep my mouth shut.

"You keep saying that but I want to know why." He said. I didn't respond. I looked down at my hands and nervously played with the edge of my shirt.

"Answer me." He said forcefully. When I didn't answer again I felt the car go faster. I looked at him. He was staring at the road and his hands were tightly gripping the steering wheel. "I want a real reason." He said and started going faster. We were on a long road with very few other cars, but I was still getting scared because of how fast he was going.

"Slow down." I begged.

"No. Not until you tell me the real reason why you don't want to be with me." He said. He was going faster and faster. I latched onto the car seat, scared for my life.

"Vic, slow down!" I shouted.

"Not until you talk!" He shouted back. I looked at the road with wide eyes. There were a few bends coming up and I knew at this speed there's no doubt we'd drift off the road and end up smashing into a tree or a power pole.

"Vic! Stop!" I screamed. My heart was racing a hundred miles an hour.

"Tell me!" He yelled in anger

"I can't fucking tell you! Don't you understand that?! Just trust me, please. I will tell you one day, after high school. But I can't right now because she won't let me! Please Vic, slow down you're scaring me!" I blurted out. My voice was a mess and I was taking shaky breaths in and out but I couldn't calm myself down until he slowed down, which he did. He stopped speeding and fell back down to below the speed limit. My grip on the seat softened as I relaxed.

"Who's she?" He asked.

"What?" I snapped. I was still mad at what he just did.

"You said 'she' won't let you tell me. Who the fuck is she?" He asked. Oh fuck, I did say that didn't I? Why did I do that? Oh shit. Instead of answering his question I decided to get mad instead because, well, I am mad at him.

"No, fuck you! I hate how you do that. I hate how when you want something from me you'll either manipulate me by kissing me or scaring the shit out of me. If I wanted to tell you then I would have, but I didn't, so get over it instead of trying to kill me!" I shouted, glaring at him. He looked offended.

"I wasn't trying to kill you." He said quietly.

"Just take me home." I said, looking back out the window. I could tell he wanted to keep arguing, but he thought twice of it.

"This conversation isn't over, you know?" He said. I know it isn't.

"Home." I said through gritted teeth.

So he drove me home without another word. When he got back to my place the first thing I noticed was that my dad's car hadn't been brought back yet. I knew he would probably be home waiting for me. He clearly knew I took his car if he had reported it as stolen. But maybe I could try and convince him that I didn't do it. He'd still be mad and hurt me but maybe it won't be that bad.

I got out of Vic's car without talking or even looking at him really. I knew he would have given me that sad look and it was difficult enough as it was to not cave and tell him everything. One day he'll understand why I did this and hopefully he'll forgive me, although I won't be surprised if he doesn't.

I walked into the house and shut the door behind me. Before I could even take a step, there were hands at my throat and I was being slammed back against the door. I choked out a cry of surprise and tried to pull the hand away. I looked into my father's murderous eyes.

"Do you really think you can take my car and get away with it?" He fumed.

"I-" I started but his hand closed around my neck tighter. "It...wasn't...me." I managed to wheeze out.

"I saw you driving away in it you lying little prick." He spat. "What, you decided a little joy ride would be fun?"

I shook my head and tried to apologize, but I couldn't get the words out. Fear rose in me and tears pricked at the corner of my eyes, but I didn't want to cry in front of him. I couldn't be weak. I had to be strong. My own thoughts of encouragement were no match against the blow to my ribs. The remainder of air that was in my lungs left them and I felt like I was going to pass out, but then he let go of me. The abuse didn't stop though. Like usual when he hurt me, I completely zoned out and just endured it. He hit me in the ribs and stomach and back-handed me across the face a few times. Those hurt. I wasn't used to getting hit there so it was all new to me. I accidentally let out a few cries which only angered him more. I can't remember a time when the beatings got this bad. I was in a world of pain but somewhere in the back off my mind told me that I deserved it. Finally when he was done and trudged off back to the living room, I shakily walked down the hallway and collapsed onto my bed, crawling into the fetal position and fell asleep crying.

——

The next morning I numbly looked in the bathroom mirror after getting out of the shower. My ribs were all different shades of blue and purple and ached something fierce. That I could hide though with the help of a shirt. I purposely picked out a long sleeved one to hide the bruises he left on my arms because I was stupid enough to try and block his kicks and punches. Those bruises weren't a problem; I was used to them. It was when my eyes landed on my face was when I knew I had a problem. Most of the right side of my face was battered up pretty bad. Most of it was a purple colour. He managed to avoid my eyes though so they were fine. There was also a cut on it from where his wedding ring hit me. Why he was still wearing the ring, I don't know.

I tried brushing my hair into my face to hide the bruises, but it didn't work. I don't know how I was going to explain this one. I was planning on skipping school but my dad woke me up early and told me that I had to go and that I had to make up some excuse like I got into a car accident or something. That would work on most of the school, but not Vic. Maybe I'll tell him I got mugged on the way to school and they beat me up?

I sighed, knowing that today was just going to be full of more drama. I finished getting ready for school and left the house without seeing my dad again. I walked extra slow to school, taking a different route so I didn't need to walk past Vic's house. I didn't think about anything during the walk. Yesterday was so full on I just felt numb now. I was done with everything going on with my life and thinking about it only made it worse. It only made me feel more depressed.

I walked into school with my head down, but the gasps surrounding me were undeniable. Whispers surrounded me. "Did Josh do that?" "Was it one of the Fuentes'?" I ignored all of them.

I kept my head low and kept walking straight to my math class. I was there before anyone else walked in. That's how I spent the first half of the day. I kept my head down and spoke to no-one, not even the teachers. I took every hallway route that I knew Vic didn't take. I also managed to avoid Mike, Jaime and Tony for the first half of the day too. It wasn't until lunch time did things go wrong. I was in the bathroom, by myself, sitting on the bench just waiting for time to tick by when the door swung open and there stood Vic. He froze in place when he saw me. My eyes locked with his. Shit.

"I heard the rumors but I..." His voice trailed off. He was speechless. I can't have another confrontation with him. I just can't. I slid off the bench and went to run into one of the cubicles, but he stopped me, standing in front of me. He took my face in his hands, examining me.

"What happened? Who did this to you?" He asked quickly. His eyes searched mine frantically for any sign of an answer.

"No one. It's nothing." I lied.

"No, it was him, wasn't it. Your dad did this?" He asked. He actually looked really scared. His fingers trailed along the bruises that were left on my neck. I didn't answer him. He already knew the answer.

"What else did he do to you?" He asked. The protectiveness was showing in his voice, if that was even possible.

"Nothing. I'm fine, really. It's okay." I said, trying to calm him down. He knew I was lying though, so he lightly poked ribs and I let out an involuntary gasp and stepped away.

"You call that nothing?" He asked. "Kellin, you have the biggest bruise on your cheek and I don't even want to know what's under your shirt. You told me he stopped! You told me he didn't do it anymore!" He shouted.

"It's fine, it's okay. I can handle it. Just calm down." I said quickly.

He just looked at me in shock. I think he was at a loss for words seeing me like this. Heck, even I was at a loss for words when I looked at myself in the mirror this morning. Vic was no good when he's mad though so I have to calm him down. I took a step forward and held both of his hands in mine.

"Vic," I started in a soft voice. "I love that you care about me and all, but just forget about this, okay? I'll see you in music class, alright?" I knew it was a bad move, but I wanted to calm him down, so I leant forward and placed a kiss on his cheek. When I looked back at him he had a blank look on his face, but was no longer mad. I let go of his hands and walked out of the bathroom and went towards music class. I guess that went well. I mean, I think I calmed him down. He didn't look mad anymore and I was hoping that kiss on the cheek would distract him from the bruises and make him focus on the possibility that I still like him; even if that means rejecting him again, it's still better than having him mad.

I arrived to music early today and took my seat in the back corner. I didn't have my books with me because I left them here yesterday so I have no idea where they ended up. I figured either Vic took them or Mrs Ascot had them. After about ten or fifteen minutes the bell rang and slowly the class started filling up. Mrs Ascot walked in and started the class as usual. There was something missing though; Vic. He usually came in late, but now another ten minutes had past and he wasn't here, and that's when it hit me; the emotionless face he gave me before. He wasn't just confused about me kissing him, no, he was trying to hide the fact that he was still fuming? Why? Because then I would have stopped him from what he was planning on doing.

I jumped out of my seat without a word about where I was going and I ran out of the room and out of the school building. As fast as I could I ran into the parking lot and saw that Vic's car wasn't there.

"Shit." I muttered to myself.

I turned and sprinted in the direction of my house. Vic was angry, very angry and I know his anger towards my father has been bubbling up ever since he first found out he hits me. Ugh, how could I have been so stupid as to think he wasn't mad anymore? Why did I think for even a second that he wouldn't have left to find my dad. Why am I such a fucking idiot?

My ribs and stomach were hurting from running and trying to catch my breath in the process, but I wouldn't stop, I couldn't. It wasn't just the fact that Vic could do something stupid and regret it later, but it's more the fact that my dad is a strong man and he's have no problems with over-powering Vic. He could fucking kill him if he wanted to. The thought made me want to cry. I swear to God if he even lays one finger on Vic then I'll kill him myself.

I finally turned onto my street and the first thing I saw were my neighbours all walking out of their houses onto the street. What are they doing? No, why are they doing that? I had a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach that I knew exactly why, and when I got closer to my house I saw why. There were a couple of my neighbours standing on the footpath near my house and on the front lawn in front of my house was an ambulance, a police car and Vic's car. Complete and utter fear washed over me and all I could think was 'where's Vic?' All I could think of was if he's okay. He has to be okay.

I got to my house, freezing right next to the mail box, not wanting to go any further because I was scared of what I might see. I didn't have to make the decision to move though because a moment later two people were being escorted from the house. One of them was on a stretcher with an oxygen mask attached to his face, the other was being led away in handcuffs.