A/N: thank you all for 10k reads! i still can't believe it! this is incredible, thank you!!!
this chapter is really dear to me. TW: suicide, again, and addiction. i think suicide is a topic that isn't talked about enough. suicide of a loved one cuts deep into everyone's lives, just in different ways and everyone deals with it differently. also, victims of suicide all have different reasons and that is awful enough as it is, so shaming them isn't right, it's even more harmful. anyway, just read this chapter and feel all the emotions.
Diana Reid had schizophrenia. Not many people knew, but she did. Spencer Reid has always been a man of facts and statistics, so he used to view his mother's diagnosis just the same. It helped, for the most parts, but emotions could be deceiving, and especially his heart could, too.
And so Spencer found himself wondering if maybe, his mother's illness was affecting him more than he let on.
Schizophrenia is hereditary, it can be passed on and manifest itself in the children of the affected. You might also call it a multi-generational disease.
Spencer could have schizophrenia. In fact, he knew he did. He knew it was inside of him like a monster lurking in the dark waiting to eat him alive — it didn't matter if it broke out or not, this thing was still inside of him, able to poison his mind any time it pleased to do so, and it frightened him.
Those were thoughts that occurred from time to time, but on those occasions, they hit him hard.
Ever since Skylar's injury during their first case, he had barely slept. Well, not at all, actually. His mind was occupied and working non-stop. From time to time, when something bad happened in his life, his thoughts became too real to handle. They were vivid, almost like dark memories. His mind went on rampages for days and nights on end, and he wasn't able to stop. He couldn't deal with the fact that those thoughts weren't real and he might be going crazy.
Spencer just wished to be someone else until his feelings would decide to become normal again. Just one break, he wished — one break — he was desperate.
Spencer was aware that Skylar saw his turmoil. His concern, his tiredness, his sadness, his anger; she saw it all. To her, he was like an open book. While that didn't bother him, he just wished she wouldn't read him this time. Because his thoughts were all about her, and he couldn't concentrate when she was involved; his brain refused to function around her anymore.
Spencer felt like he was a terrible person with terrible tendencies and terrible thoughts. Skylar was the only little good left in his life, but what point was there in having her goodness when he made everything about him while she was in pain, too. And so everything became more and more confusing until it made him nauseous.
He stared out the jet's window, just thinking to himself. The case file in his lap was open, but he couldn't concentrate. His IQ was practically useless.
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only human ― s.r.
Fanfiction❝ But I'm only human and I bleed when I fall down ❞ The Behavioral Analysis Unit team around Aaron Hotchner gets called in to assist on a serial killer case in New York where they meet the young and surprisingly talented Special Agent Skylar Brown...