you can stay | changlix ✔︎

nine

~lee felix~

i opened the front door of changbin's house, not looking back to say goodbye as he had already hidden away in his room. i was cleared by his doctor, and now i could go home. my parents were already standing in the doorway with their hands entangled and their eyes wide. i was going back home, yet it hurt my heart.

"oh my baby!" my mom burst through the door wrapping her arms around me, nearly knocking me over. she pulled back, looking at every inch of me and checking for injury or health deficiencies. "are you okay? did he...hurt you?"

my eyebrows furrowed and i frowned. "mom, i'm great. binnie would never ever hurt me, he didn't hurt me."

her eyes were locked on changbin's house as she grabbed my hand and dragged me into the house. my dad's face had remained the same although i expected a smile. the door closed behind the three of us, and even my mom's face dropped.

"let's sit down, felix." i was more than confused, but i still followed them into the living room. i sat across from my parents and noticed their hands were intertwined once more.

my dad sighed, and looked straight into what felt like my soul. "felix, you can tell us the truth. what did that boy do? did you really initiate this or was it him?"

"dad what the hell. i told you the truth and i'll tell it again. i kissed him. i took that risk all by myself. i'd do it all again, even if it meant getting sick all over again! why don't you believe me?"

my mom sunk into the couch, and her grip on my dad physically tightened. "felix don't lie because of love. don't lie for that boy."

"i'm not lying! stop saying that. you act like i'm dying. i was sick for a day. one day! people get sick for months and live. i am perfectly okay, i promise that."

my dad sat up even straighter than before. his eyes held a look of hopelessness, and his hand almost reached for me. "we're filing a lawsuit on the family. that is not a normal boy, felix. he kills, he is monstrous. he hurt you. what if that ended a different way? what if we lost you?"

my hands balled into fists until i felt like my palms were bleeding. they couldn't do that. changbin and his father did not deserve that. "his family did absolutely nothing to deserve a lawsuit. i will do legitimately anything for you to not do this. please don't do this."

"we don't want you seeing him anymore. he is dangerous. the next time you see him will be in court." they both began to stand up and leave, but i quickly stopped them. this would to be happening even if it killed me.

"you have no right to interfere with this family's life. changbin is the sweetest, smartest, most understanding person i have ever come in contact with. the way he looks at the world inspires me, and that's what made me fall for him. he is far from a monster. you cannot sue someone based on a medical issue, who's the monster then? he can't help it!"

"stop defending him, felix. the decision is final."

"what if it was me?"

my dad stopped in his steps. "w-what?"

"what if i had the disease, and i was the one who got changbin sick. then what dad? would you be ready for a lawsuit?"

he had no words. he knew i was right. if the tables were turned, all my dad would be doing right now would be defending me.

"oh and don't expect me to cut him out of my life."

~seo changbin~

i pressed my phone to my ear, and already heard a rambling felix on the other end. "hey, hey calm down. lix, what's going on."

"let's leave. let's go as far as we can, okay?"

"felix, you know i can't just...just leave. i promise you that if i could, i would."

everything fell silent besides felix's unsteady breathing. i had no clue how long the boy had been crying for, but i just wished i was with him.

"let's think happy things okay? like how your eyes sparkle the you look at me. the way you laugh at every joke i tell no matter how stupid it is. and you have the most beautiful constellation of freckles across your face. i love that your hands are just the right size for mine. how your smile could provide light for a million galaxies. oh but most of all i love how soft your voice gets when you say how much you love me. now you go."

"you are by far the smartest person i have ever met, and the way you look at just about everything amazes me. you never fail to make me feel loved especially when i really need someone to listen. your voice makes me feel all sorts of tingles and your words are so perfectly spoken. you always hum the chorus to this song whenever things fall silent. everything you do creates beauty."

"i wish you could truly be mine."

"i am yours though?"

"we were too good to be true."

"i'm not leaving you, changbin. not ever."

"don't make me do it, felix. don't make me break your heart."

"this doesn't have to end. i won't let it."

"i'll give them the monster they expect. just tell me when. tell me anything and i'll do it. i'll do it all for you."

"stop it."

"you know i'm bad for you, felix. i know you understand the damage i can do now. the relationships i can ruin, the pain i can give. don't let it happen."

"if my family doesn't accept this, then they don't get to love me the way they did before. besides what's a true relationship without a bit of pain. love comes with the arguments and the doubts. i'm not just going to give up when it gets hard."

"what if you don't make it the next time we kiss?"

"then my time will come. but it will never be your fault."

"but will you hate me for it?"

"i don't think i could hate you even if i tried."