you can stay | changlix ✔︎

ten

~lee felix~

i laid in my bed staring at the celling fan above me. ever since i left changbin's house my lungs felt as if i smoked eighteen packs of cigarettes a day. i could hardly breathe, but i thought it'd just go away like everything else did. it made no sense. the shaking, the headaches, the fainting, it all went away yet my lungs were deteriorating. i was dying from the inside out.

i wouldn't tell changbin, i couldn't. he'd be devastated, and he'd think he was truly a monster. i'd never let him believe that because it wasn't true. i would be okay, i had to be. just smile through it, felix. tough it out. speaking of the angel next door, my phone lit up with his name. i couldn't help but smile at the thought that he actually was real and he really did think of me daily.

binnie <3
i made chicken nuggets

lix <3
with fries??

binnie <3
of course they're your favorite
so...care to share?

lix <3
putting my shoes on now :)

was i allowed to go over his house to eat fries and nuggets? absolutely not. did i care what my parents thought? well maybe a little, but they couldn't take away my happiness no matter what they tried. so there i was with messy hair and oversized shirt, looking like a disaster. oh my if the world was some fantasy of a reality, i'd have a dozen pink hearts floating over my head.

"where are you going, felix? you didn't even eat breakfast this morning, and it's already past lunch." my mom stood in my doorway with a frown on her face. she was trying her hardest to understand how i felt, but i knew it'd never register with her.

"changbin made me lunch. i'm on my way to his house now."

"oh...okay. well be careful, and if you feel sick just call me. you know i just want the best for you right?"

"i know, mom. i can't be locked away from him though. i feel great okay? i promise you that."

her spirits lifted, but i felt disappointed in myself as the lie rolled off my tongue as if it were the truth. it'd go away soon and i'd be able to breathe once more. my blackened lungs would take their original form. then i'd feel better, when you get sick it always takes a little while to get over it.

~seo changbin~

"it's opened!" i slid off the kitchen counter and rushed to the door. there he was, perfect as ever. he took his shoes off and turned to face me. his smile was brighter than yesterday and his eyes sparkled. that was my baby.

i blinked nervously as i watched his gaze travel up and down my body. my hands started to sweat and my heart sped up. oh god, i should've wore something other than black. and maybe i should've dried my hair a little more after getting out of the shower. why was i so nervous all of a sudden?

then he sighed, a really big sigh. "wow..."

"i knew i should've tried harder-"

"...you're so amazing." my heart stopped and he smiled his way into a kiss. yeah, he was the one. i'd never get tired of this. i never wanted to let him go.

he pulled away and grabbed my hand to lead me to the kitchen. it's most likely because i'm new to this whole relationship thing, but were we like supposed to talk about the whole kiss thing. or is it just normal? because i feel like in the movies they always talk about it. no i'm exaggerating, he just has this effect on me.

he noticed my flustered expression and sat me down on one of the bar stools around the kitchen island. i could clearly see his smirk, and i just watched him walk away to get his food.

"changbin!" felix's yell knocked me out of my daydreaming and i was by his side within seconds. "i know you did not make chocolate covered strawberries and write our names on them. i'm dreaming right?"

i quickly covered his eyes, as if that was supposed to erase his memory. stupid, i know. "hey! that was a surprise! get out of the fridge mister."

my hands cupped his face, and he averted eye contact. "felix you're burning up. are you okay?"

"i'm good. i'm not sure why i'm so warm. let's just eat okay?"

"y-yeah, sounds good."

he picked up the tray and smiled at me. of course i returned it, but something felt wrong. he changed within minutes. and no matter how sure i was that something was going on, i knew i couldn't pry it out of him. he'd tell me when he was ready.

i sat with him on the couch with our arms pressed together, and he felt as if he was the human embodiment of fire. unless i was just cold as ice. "do you mind if i lay down, lix?"

"be my guest." he smiled, and motioned for me to rest my head on his lap. i did just that, and melted into his presence as his hand brushed through my hair. "you know i sure do love moments like this, bin. it makes me so happy."

i closed my eyes, allowing myself to be fully vulnerable with felix. "then i'll continue to make you happy for as long as i can."

"i can't wait for our years to-" his sentence was cut off by a series of troublesome coughs. i sat up immediately, and patted his back. he grew pale and it was as if i was watching the strength leave him completely.

"hey, hey you're okay. what's going on, lix?" his body slumped down, and his head rested in my neck. i felt his smile against my skin as he shook his head.

"oh nothing, i just swallowed a little too fast. i should learn to chew my food a bit better."

my hand moved through his hair, holding his head against me. he didn't know it, but i knew he was lying. he hadn't touched the food after i laid down. there was nothing to trigger that cough except sickness. a sickness he wouldn't admit to because he wanted to protect me.