you can stay | changlix ✔︎

twelve

~seo changbin~

felix's left hand gripped the steering wheel and he held my hand with his right. his thumb began to rub up and down the back of my hand as he tried to calm me down. "bub, i'm going to need you to breathe for me."

i was so nervous, and i never imagined being outside my house any time soon. in all honesty, i wanted to go home because i knew i'd mess something up, but i wouldn't ruin this for lix. he was ecstatic to take me to my dream getaway. just me, him, and the beach. what more could i ever ask for?

i watched the blurred trees become clearer as we drove through the backroads of our town. he was stopping the car. oh god, i knew it. i knew i'd make him regret ever trying to take me anywhere.

the car came to a complete stop on the side of the road. the cars behind us kept going as if nothing was wrong. felix wrapped both his hands around mine and gave me a warm smile. "i don't want to make you do this if you're scared, changbin. i couldn't possibly begin to feel what you feel, but the last thing i want to do is force you to run away to please me."

"i'm sorry i'm being like this, lix. i just-" and there went the waterworks. of course i started crying. felix was the best thing that happened to me, and he stood by me every single day, yet i couldn't just do this one thing for him. what kind of boyfriend did that make me?

his seatbelt unbuckled and he reached over to undo mine. then he climbed over to my seat, and sat with his legs wrapped around me. all i could do was try to blink my tears away as i looked up at him.

"we can sit here for as long as you want, okay? we can cry or talk or just sit here in silence, but i want to make sure you truly do want to do this." felix's thumbs wiped the tears from my eyes, and he placed a kiss on my forehead. i rested my head on his chest, wrapping my arms around him. he held me in his arms and just let me cry it out.

it genuinely is odd to me that i'm so emotional. if anyone were to pass by me on the street they'd think i was some tough, closed off guy. everything's just been bottled up inside for so long, too long. i used to think it wasn't okay to feel anything. i didn't deserve to feel the emotions everyone else felt, but that's just wrong. it's okay to be messed up inside.

now i had the most wonderful boy to get me through it all, and suddenly the thought of disappearing sounded terrifying. the mention of even losing felix scared me. i never thought i'd love anyone, not after i lost my mom, but here i am head over heels for the boy next door.

"changbin, you will never fail to make me happy. if you want to go back home that is totally okay. i want you to feel safe and at home. i understand if you don't trust this yet. i love you regardless."

i let his words sink in. his fingers trailed up and down my back, and i kept my head pressed on his chest just to hear his heart beating. "you are my home, felix."

his hands stopped moving, and for a second i thought his heart stopped going as well. he was a statue in my arms and he began to heat up. "oh gosh, we weren't both supposed to cry."

"i trust you, lix. i want to do this with you."

our eyes locked. i felt like we could never be too close. i just wanted to pull him nearer to me. our noses connected and his freckles were even more beautiful up close. he made me feel like the main character of a movie.

"will you be my forever person, changbin?"

"felix-"

"since i've met you all i've been is happy. i can't wait until our next meeting or little text conversation. i love the way you think and the way you love. you never once judged me or told me i needed to change. you're so different. i've always questioned the whole soulmate thing, but little did i know i just needed to wait for you to come around."

"y-you're not scared of me? what i can do?"

"you are the most gentle, sincere person i've ever met."

"i never thought anyone would truly love me."

"i'm right here, binnie."

i believed i wasn't made for love. i lived every day of my past thinking my life was hell and not worth it. i've done things to myself that i wouldn't wish upon anyone. i convinced myself i was worthless. now i know i deserve love just as much as anyone else does. felix saved me.

"i still remember the way your eyes sparkled when we first met. your hair just effortlessly fell in place, and those freckles stunned me. a perfect constellation across your cheeks. i never thought i'd ever get the chance at a future with the boy next door. look at us now! you're my forever."

"forever and always, i promise you that."

"so let's start moving. i wouldn't want to miss the sunset."

his smile was contagious, and he planted a peck on my lips. i got so lucky to have him as my person. god, i'd never shut up about it.

i couldn't help but smile as he climbed back into the driver's seat. we were back on the road in an instant, and suddenly all my worries faded. the horrible things that once consumed my brain were gone. i was finally free. i was allowed to be happy now.