you can stay | changlix ✔︎

sixteen

~seo changbin~

the rain hadn't stopped tapping on my window pane, and i couldn't stop thinking about if felix was okay. i shouldn't have left him alone, but he was right if anyone saw me there i'd be labeled a new science experiment. i should've never gone with him in the first place. i could've admitted to my fears, and then we would be safe and sound in our homes. sure we'd be apart, but he'd be in the comfort of his bed instead of in the white room of a hospital.

i hadn't left my room since i've gotten home. it wasn't fair that i was okay and he wasn't. i caused all this and nothing ever hurts me back. i wish he left me when i gave him the chance. i wish i could go back and push him away.

none of this would have happened if he thought of me as some jerk of a neighbor. he could've hated me instead of loving me enough to risk his life. i would still be alone and he'd have some other partner from his school, but he'd be healthy. i would give anything for him to be okay.

i wanted to disappear for real this time. no one needed me, no one wanted me. my dad gave me up at this point, and all my other family never bothers to call. felix would never let me go, but his parents hate me anyway so would he really have a choice than to move on?

i was happy yesterday, we were happy. an emotion i never thought i'd feel for so long, but every good thing comes to an end. happiness, love, felix. they'd all end. some sooner than others.

evil never died though. it wakes up when the world is sleeping. it takes away the precious good in the world, taking and taking. evil was greedy, and it never ever went away. so i'd be around forever, just lurking in the shadows.

i killed everything but myself, the irony. why don't i rot like everything else i touch? now that's not fair. my existence wasn't fair, but could i really expect felix to move on from me being gone...forever? i didn't know how long he'd be in the hospital, so by the time he got back maybe he wouldn't even recognize me anymore. what if he didn't come back, then do i just sit here in agony? so many questions, yet no answers.

~lee felix~

"felix?" i felt a presence hovering above me, but i didn't have the strength to open my eyes.

"binnie?"

"n-no, it's dad."

i wanted changbin. i wanted him to tell me it'd all be okay and we'd be together soon. i needed him to wrap his arms around me even if caused me immense pain. i had to tell him this wasn't his fault. i had to let him know i love him before it was too late.

"we're right here, okay? we aren't leaving you. you'll get better at your own pace, don't force it. we love you, and we want to support you. even if that means accepting changbin too because we understand he gives you the strength you need. you don't choose who you love, so we're sorry for trying to change your mind about him."

i listened to my parent's words. did they truly mean it? i couldn't help but let a smile form on my face as both their hands latched onto mine. i couldn't wait to tell changbin that we'd be okay. "t-thank you."

a set of footsteps entered the room, and the voice coming with it was unfamiliar. a series of other footsteps followed, and this time i blinked my eyes opened. my sight was met with an overly bright, white room full of doctors and police officers. my dad gave the group a nod while my mom squeezed my hand. what was going on?

"good evening, felix. i'm officer kang and i'm here to ask you a few questions about the events that occurred last night. i'm going to ask everyone to leave the room, will that be alright?"

he was tall with broad shoulders, and his face only held seriousness. as he sat against the edge of my bed, i felt like his shadow covered me fully. all i could do was nod in agreement. with one motion of his hand the room was cleared and it was just us. i shouldn't be scared, but i couldn't help it.

"how old are you felix? high school? university?"

"i'm nineteen. i go to the private prep school in town."

"so you're old enough to understand lying to a person of authority to protect your friends is a crime?"

"yes. w-why?"

i crossed my fingers under the sheets, praying he didn't know changbin was with me yesterday. i would not let anything happen to him, and although i knew the law, a few white lies wouldn't hurt anyone.

"your parents tell me you went to the beach with your friends last night, but when the paramedics came you were alone. why were you alone, felix?"

"i was with one friend, the rest ended up bailing which i'm not surprised about. i ended up staying a little longer with him to explore the waterfall i heard about down the street."

"where did your car go?"

"i told him to bring it back to my house, but not in the driveway so my parents wouldn't freak out since i wasn't home yet. it's probably somewhere around the area. then he said he was going to get a ride home. we rode to the beach together so it was only fair to give him the car to get home too."

"what triggered your sickness? how did it happen?"

"i honestly don't know. it's been a problem for a bit now, and i chose to ignore it which i guess was wrong on my part."

"and one last thing, who's the friend you went out with yesterday?"

my heart stopped. i could not put changbin on the scene, but who would cover for me? no one knew the secrets changbin held and most likely would not understand this situation. only one person knew we were at the beach that night, and i guess i just had to pray he got the message.

"his name is zhong chenle. he goes to my school."