Rain To Wash The Blood Away (Nagato x reader)

25. Unimportant

Standing before the doors to Pein's office, you took a deep breath. There was something you really wanted to ask him. All this time, while you spoke to him, it felt you were speaking to Yahiko. It was the body, the only thing resembling your Nagato being the familiar purple orbs which used to stare at you with admiration every time you crossed his path. But now, despite how your love for him hadn't diminished, you felt like he no longer held those feelings towards you anymore. He was emotionless and almost robotic. Always facing forward towards his goal while you stood behind him, only having a view of his back which seemed to grow in distance with every encounter you had. It pained you to think that he no longer thought of you the way you thought of him, and now you were finally going to tell him how you felt. You wanted to see him, the real him.

Knocking on the door, you waited patiently for an answer which you received shortly after. His response was monotone, the voice being of your brother Yahiko without the determination and energy he used to have. You brushed that thought aside and proceeded into the room, closing the doors behind you. Pein sat at his desk, finishing the final strokes on what you could only assume was a letter. You were unsure about the work that Pein did here in his office but guessed it was very important, including maintaining contact with lots of possible groups which the Akatsuki would receive funds from in exchange for work.

Walking further into the room, you fully drew Pein's attention for a moment. He lifted his head, giving your figure a quick scan before returning his eyes to his work. His actions bothered you greatly, you felt like all of your hard work went to waste. Ten years you had put into training to get back here, even going to lengths to literally give up ownership of your body. Sure, Pein was unaware of this but you still wished he would try to pay some attention to you, even if was only a little bit.

"Is there something you need?" he asked, his question sounding cold due to its lack of emotion. At that moment you became shy, your hand moving to hold onto the forearm of your other. There you gripped tightly, hoping that it would give you some courage or at least some stability.

"I have a request," you answered, still finding it hard to get out what you really wanted to ask of him. And even after you spoke, he had no intention of sparing you a single glance. Sighing, Pein continued to write what you could only describe as another letter, this one differing from the one he was writing when you had entered. Letting out an uninterested hum, you took that as permission to tell him what you wanted of him.

"I want to see you," you spoke out, keeping your eyes locked onto his hunched-over figure. Pein still kept his eyes on his desk, heaving a sigh.

"Are you not standing before me?" he asked, his voice uncaring. You grit your teeth behind your sealed lips, hating how he was behaving. All these times you had come here to see him, he had never treated you this way.

"I'm talking about the real you, Nagato," you spoke up, crossing your arms in front of your chest. By the way your eyebrows furrowed and how your fists clenched tight, it was easy to tell that you were very angry. But still, Pein's face remained facing downwards, eyes on the desk.

"I don't have time for this, I have a lot of work so don't come in here unless you actually have something important to tell me." You froze in place, feeling your temperature rise as you were overwhelmed by a wave of different emotions.

Frustration and anger being the most prominent.

You felt like you were going to explode, having never experienced anything like that before. Your nails dug into the palms of your hands, making them bleed.

"So you're saying that us seeing each other isn't important?" you growled, taking great offence in his previous statement. Clicking his tongue, he continued to write as if you hadn't spoken at all. It was then that you felt another emotion, one which you didn't wish to express in front of him in fear of showing weakness. Gritting your teeth tightly, you turned your head so he couldn't see the build-up of fluid in your eyes.

"Fine, if I mean that little to you then I'll leave," you announced, beginning to walk towards the door. Pein kept his eyes on the paper in front of him, the only audible sound in the room being your footsteps. In moments like these, the other person is supposed to recognise their fault and call after their lover. That was not what happened as the orange-haired male kept his eyes downcast, not seeming to care that right now you were serious about walking out for real.

Reaching the door, you paused, feeling a strong pang in the heart as you reached for the handle. It was then that the tears began to leak down your face, making you feel even more pathetic. Thoughts were rushing through your head, making you think if you should say anything else or if that was it. But this time, you didn't get to reach a conclusion before the words started falling out of your mouth.

"To think that all of the sacrifices I made led to this."

And with that, you left the room.

Then the hideout.

And from there, you started walking. You had no idea where you wanted to go, the only thing on your mind was getting away. You felt alone just like you had after losing your family and all that time you spent down in the abyss. This feeling made you feel like you were back down there, trapped and forgotten.

Deep down in your heart, you knew that you could never let go of Nagato because even after all of the things you had done for him, you were the one more reliant on him. The idea of being without him was agonisingly painful and the thought of being with him gave you the determination you had used to escape Limbo.

But it seemed that after everything you had been through, together and apart, in order to be together meant nothing to him. It made you feel like you were a delusional kid again, trying to stop something that was already fated to happen. Nagato had ten years alone to fall out of love with you, now you felt like you were the only one holding on.

I wrote 3 chapters of this story today and I can't wait to get them all out. I'll put them out when I can, thanks for reading. I hope you enjoyed the angst