dms || minsung

xv

a/n: when i don't plan on having text messages in a chapter, i'll have the writing normal, not italics.

warnings: depression, suicidal thoughts and attempt.
~

jisung was curled up in his blankets, staring at his wall. he felt numb, even his thoughts were gone. the brunet couldn't remember much of what he'd done the past few days, just that he had been super unmotivated. worst part was, it seems like to him that his friends didn't care. which was wrong on so many levels, but he didn't know that.

jisung could hear the buzz of the heater and the tv from the living room of his, chan's and changbin's apartment. he could smell cheesecake, but he wasn't moving from his bed.

"you useless shit." jisung mutters to himself. he knew he should be up and spending time with his friends. but he couldn't. he just couldn't.

the rapper couldn't help but let his thoughts that had turned from numb to depressed in the matter of seconds get to him. they were screaming at him about how useless and untalented he was. about how he should just end it.

they told him that everyone would be better without him. chan, changbin, even minho.

especially minho.

jisung was furious with himself over how he had fallen for minho over the course of a few weeks. hell, he didn't even know his last name or where he lived. he just knew he was perfect.

"jisung-ah!"

jisung groans, pulling his favorite red blanket over his head. he wasn't in the mood to talk to his friends.

"ji, please talk to us." changbin pleads, peaking his head in the doorway. jisung had been forced to unlock the door before he fell asleep the night before, and he hadn't had enough motivation to move from the bed to relock it at all that day.

jisung stares at his wall some more, ignoring changbin and chan. he could feel tears start to well up in his eyes, but he wouldn't let them fall.

"jisung please." chan begs, his voice cracking mid sentence.

jisung sighs and moves his head so he can dee his friends. they both looked worried sick, but he couldn't find it in himself to care.

"what?"

jisung's voice is quiet and weak, the boy having not spoke in over 24 hours. he looked horrible, a grey hoodie pulled over his greasy hair and eye bags dark enough changbin could make them out.

chan walks towards the younger, changbin quick behind him. the eldest sits on jisung's bed, frowning. he sets a hand on jisung's leg, rubbing it softly for comfort. so jisung would know that chan was there for him.

"ji, let me help you." chan's voice is calm, but it wavers slightly. jisung knows he's worried, so he decides to give in. he nods slightly, giving his two roommates permission to take care of him.

soon enough, jisung is laying in the bathtub with bubbles floating around him. soft music is playing and changbin is watching over him. just in case.

this wasn't the first time jisung had slipped into a depressed state. it had happened plenty of times before, usually lasting for maybe a day where it was bad enough that he would would put up a fight to leave bed, short enough to where it didn't affect the idols lives.

but never this bad.

jisung hadn't left bed to do anything other than use the restroom in over 3 days, usually staring at his phone or just spacing out. chan and changbin didn't know what to do.

"jisungie," changbin breaks the silence, looking up from his phone to finally talk to the boy. "what's wrong?"

"nothing." jisung states, his voice monotone. he was lying and changbin knew it. everything was wrong in jisung's head right now, the boy thought. he didn't deserve to be alive, he thought.

"i know you're lying, sungie. please tell
me. hyung is worried."

"c-can i have a slice of cheesecake?" jisung blurts out. changbin nods, smiling at the younger and making his way to the kitchen.

jisung knew how long it took to walk to the kitchen. to cut a slice of cheesecake. to bring it back. it definitely wasn't enough time for what he wanted to do, especially with changbin's fast legs. but he bad to try.

"i'm sorry," jisung whispers, then lets his body slip under the water. he didn't try to save himself. he didn't want to save himself.