Chasing Love

Chapter 18

Sometimes I think back to our relationship and while there were many flaws, our sex life wasn't one. Nothing was off-limits, and we always pushed each other to try new and weird things. I have tried to find someone who challenges me sexually as you did, but no one compares. They can't to the things you do to my body and if they do, it's not the same. Maybe because I don't love them the way I love you, or maybe I was only made for you and you for me.

-Chase

Chapter 18

It was sunny outside, but the cool July air still made for a cold morning. Charlotte blew out a puff of smoke as she flicked the end of her cigarette. It had been almost a month, and a had since Landon left and while she wanted to feel glad she didn't. Sighing, she took another drag of her smoke and glanced at the painting she knew she would throw away.

It looked terrible, and she hadn't even started. She had drawn on a sketch and she didn't see a point in even painting it. It was set up on an easel on Chase's back deck and she thought maybe looking at it in the morning light might give her inspiration to paint it, but it didn't.

She pulled the blanket around her as the cool winter breeze swept through the yard. The coffee beside her long finished after having gotten up before the sun had even risen. Charlotte tilted her head at the picture of a ballerina playing the violin. She was in a beautifully pointed arabesque surrounded by forest. However, the more Charlotte looked at the drawing on the canvas, the more she hated it.

She hated the position of the ballerina. She hated the way the picture looked so at ease, so beautiful. But most importantly she hated how vibrant and colourful it would turn out. She took the last drag of her cigarette, wishing she had a drink despite the early hour of the morning.

She had woken up from an old nightmare, and it had put her in a terrible mood. She thought with Landon being gone for so long she would feel free and happy. Instead, she felt just as miserable because she knew what she would have to endure when he came back. She tried not to think about it, but it was hard.

Blowing out the smoke and crushed the cigarette on her paint pallet and threw it into her empty coffee cup. She glared at the painting and instead of picking up the bright vibrant colours on the pallet; she swirled her brush in a deep brown and started painting the forest brown instead of vibrant green. Where there should have been pinks and yellows she painted black and dark green expressing her foul and depressing mood into the painting. Instead of the dancer looking peaceful, Charlotte knew she would look sad or angry as she painted with a heavy hand rather than her usual light technique. She lit another cigarette and put it between her teeth as she attacked her painting as if it had done her wrong.

Charlotte didn't hear when Chase joined her, but she felt as he stood behind her and study the disgusting work of art she was producing.

"You're going to need to buy more brushes if you keep abusing them like that." He reached around and plucked the cigarette from her mouth and before she could protest and put it out. Charlotte looked at the fine brush in her hand and noticed the bristle had gone soft from her heavy hand. Not that it mattered.

She ignored him and continued to aggressively slap paint onto the canvas. The sun melted the thin layer of ice that was on the grass from the cold night they had. The birds started singing and overall it seemed like a happy morning that was awakening but for Charlotte; it wasn't. When she reached for another cigarette, she heard Chase sigh, but he didn't stop her and she bought the death stick to her lips and lit it up.

"You can't keep smoking your breakfast. Will you let me make you something?" She pulled her eyes from her painting and looked over to Chase and shrugged her shoulders. She watched as he ran a hand over his face before walking inside and she went back to stabbing her paintbrush onto the canvas. She knew Chase was disappointed in her, but she couldn't find the energy to care. She felt so old and tired and after the late-night call from Landon yesterday she felt drained.