Chasing Love

Chapter 27

It terrified me when I lost the baby. I was alone with no help or support, but now it is different. My terror comes from something different, but at least now I have you to keep me safe.

-Charlie

Chapter 27

3 weeks later  

Charlotte looked down at her bare hand and watched as her fingers flexed for the first time in 3 weeks. She could still feel the phantom pain as her fingers twitched, but she knew there was none. Chase was talking with the doctor in the background as she flipped her hand over, expecting to see scars or bruises. Instead, she found her thin pale hand with no evidence of the trauma it had been through.  

"Can I still paint?" She whispered quietly for the first time since leaving the house this morning and looked up to the doctor who had removed her cast. Her face had healed and while there were still some minor bruises that were still fading, it was nothing make-up couldn't cover. Her ribs were still tender when she moved a certain way, but overall, the physical evidence had healed, but her heart and mind hadn't.

It scared her to do anything and even more scared to leave the house. Even though Chase told her Landon was no longer in Australia, that didn't stop her from feeling a sense of dread every time the front door opened. The only reason Charlotte had left the house today was that her cast had to be removed, and she needed a check-up to see how her healing was progressing.

Her anxiety was at an all-time high and every small sound made her heart race and her body sweat. Her anxiety had calmed down a little since entering the doctor's waiting room, but that still didn't stop her flinching when a small child banged two blocks together and started squealing in a high pitch voice.

She flinched when she felt Chase place a hand on her knee and it was then she noticed her increased breathing and the leg Chase was now holding had been bouncing with stress.

"I see no reason why not? You were lucky not to have any ligament damage or surgery on the hand. Just keep to light duties until your hand builds up its strength again." Charlotte nodded her head and looked back at her hand. She flexed it again and tried to imagine herself holding a paintbrush again.

Her body craved to paint or draw something. It was ingrained into her body and soul, the need to create and express herself, but she wasn't sure what she wanted to paint. She wasn't sure if she could sit in front of a blank canvas and paint something when inside all she felt was despair and dread. She had so many ideas running through her head, but whenever she thought too hard, one face would always appear.

It was a face that would never leave her.

"Do you have questions, Charlotte?" She looked away from her hand and back to the doctor and shook her head, and they said their farewells before leaving.

Chase gently placed a hand on her lower back and guided her towards the car parked outside. Her body tensed up when the fresh morning October air blew across her face and the sun beamed down with the promise of a warm spring day.

Chase opened up her car door and Charlotte quickly slid in and strapped on her seat belt. Chase said nothing to her while he started to the car and drove away from the doctor's clinic.

"I was wondering if you wanted to go to a café for brunch. I know you don't want to be outside, but I promise you will be safe." Charlotte looked up from her lap and turned her head towards Chase, who was focusing on the road. She bit her lip as she twisted her hands together tightly as her anxiety spiked at the thought of being outside. She knew eventually she needed to face the world again, but despite getting weekly updates from Nathan that Landon was still out of the country, it still terrified her. He had come through on his promise and they bought most of her stuff from the house over along with a shiny new debit card which she refused to touch.

As they flew down the highway, Charlotte glanced at the passing cars and took a deep breath to calm her nerves.

"Okay, but not for long please." She whispered and the bright wide smile that graced Chase's lips calmed her nerves and told her she had made the right choice. Over the last few weeks, he had been trying his best to make her comfortable and smile, but Charlotte wasn't even sure she could smile anymore. While her body had repaired itself, she still felt broken on the inside. To ease his mind often she would give him one of her well-practised fake smiles, but Charlotte knew he saw straight through it but never commented.

Charlotte closed her eyes and leaned heavily into her seat and flexed her hand repeatedly. It felt weird to not have heaviness attached to her arm, but Charlotte was glad there was no existing damage. It wasn't long before Chase was parking the car and Charlotte realised she had dozed off for a little. Looking out the car window, Charlotte noticed and smile softly to herself that they were at the café Chase took her all those months ago.

Taking a deep breath, Charlotte carefully opened the side of her car door and was instantly cooled with the soft spring breeze floating through the air. She tried not to panic when a black car went speeding past her. She tried to shake in fear when she heard a loud bang of something being dropped, but it was hard. What was even harder was not flinching when Chase gently placed a hand on her back to guide her away from the car and into the café.

She failed miserably.

Chase quickly guided her inside, but she paid no attention as she tried to stop herself from passing out from not breathing. Chase's friend greeted them and all Charlotte could do was simply nod as they were escorted to their seat at the back of the café tucked away in a safe little corner.

Charlotte was so distracted she jumped and screamed a little when Chase put his hand on her knee. Her wide eyes faced him, and she could see the sad look in his hazel eyes.

"I'm sorry." She looked down in her lap, disappointed in herself at her reaction to Chase. She couldn't help it. No matter how many times she told herself she was safe, it never helped. She felt like she was always going to be looking over her shoulder waiting for the day Landon returned to take her or kill her.

"Charlie, look at me sweetheart," he gently grabbed her chin and tilted it up, so she could see his eyes. "You have nothing to be sorry for, okay. I'm so proud of you for even coming out. I promise I am here to protect you." Charlotte closed her eyes as Chase lent forward and softly pressed his lips to the top of her head. When she opened them again, he was giving her a soft comforting smile that made the corner of her mouth twitch upwards slightly. A waiter came over and took their order, and soon they were alone again.

"How did it go with your mother the other day?" Chase asked her and Charlotte sighed. Since her mother had found out what Landon had done to her, she demanded to see Charlie. 3 days after the incident her mother came to Chase's and cried when she saw her. Since then, her mother had been trying to be a better mother. She visited once a week and called almost every day, and while she was glad her mother was finally making an effort, it frustrated Charlotte that it took her getting beaten for her mother to decide she wanted to repair their relationship.

"I am glad she is trying, but she never supported me in anything before. She only started now because I was hurt. I mean, what if I left him on my own would she still support me then? Probably not." She whispered glanced around the café with an eerie feeling that someone was watching her.

Charlotte knew she was being paranoid, but that didn't stop the sensation of dread racing up her spin, leaving pins and needles in its place. Their coffee came quickly, and Chase gave the waiter a small nod as the delicate, steamy cup was placed down in front of her. Charlotte wrapped her hand around the ceramic glass and blew across the surface before taking a small, delicate sip, careful not to burn her tongue.

The taste of the dark roast warmed her from the inside out as she gently placed it back onto the saucer.

"I sometimes wonder if my mother truly cares that I was hurt, or she is acting overprotective because that is what is expected of her. I know it shouldn't bother me as an adult but a part of me wishes she was a better mother growing up, but then I'm one to talk." Charlotte whispered softly, looked down at her lap and slowly lifted her eyes to meet Chase's. He had put his coffee back down on the table and reached over to grab her hand.

She didn't flinch as she saw it coming and felt a sense of security when his large, warm hand clasped hers gently.

"Your mother does care for you in her own way. She may not have shown it the way other mothers do, but she cares, and you are nothing like your mother okay. Our daughter was an unfortunate event that you had no control over. These things happen okay, and while I am upset you didn't tell me I don't blame you. You need to learn to forgive yourself because what happened to Ava was a tragic event, okay." His thumb traced the few stray tears that always fell when she thought about their daughter.

She always felt like a failure as a woman and mother and blamed no one but herself. She hoped one day she would be able to forgive herself, but she didn't know if she had the strength. They both finished drinking their coffees as Chase spoke about the new book he was writing and how at the start of the year the rights to his first book would go to auction.

When they left the café, Chase guided Charlotte back to the car and the moment she was inside she felt her anxiety reduce at the comfort of the metal car.

"I have a gift at home for you," Chase told her as they drove through Sydney traffic. Charlotte looked over to Chase and raised one delicate eyebrow, wondering what on earth he had bought her. She tried to think back to when he had left the last few weeks and found her mind fogy from pain and string medication she was told to take.

"You didn't have to get me anything. You have done more than enough." Charlotte looked out the window and watched as they whizzed past traffic, and he closed her eyes for a moment and the soft rumble of the car lured her to sleep.

When Charlotte woke again, she was being carried inside and when she opened her eyes; she saw Chase looking down at her as he gently placed her on his couch.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to fall asleep." Charlotte sat up and rubbed her eyes, trying to wake herself up.

"It's okay if you want you can take a nap while I make us something for lunch." Charlotte wanted to protest saying she was fine and could make something instead she found herself laying back down and drifting off to sleep as the stress and anxiety of being out finally caught up with her.

*****

Charlotte was helping clean up dinner after having a lazy day of watching movies after lunch and helping Chase hang out the washing despite his protesting that she needed to relax. Inside Chase's house, she felt and secure, however the moment she stepped out the front door it always hit her, the terrifying feeling that she was being watched and her stomach twisted with dread. Charlotte had finished drying the last of the dishes when Chase grabbed her hand and smiled at her.

"I want to show you something," He gently pulled Charlotte through the house and up the stairs to the spare room. He turned around and face Charlotte as a shy smile graced his lips. "If you don't like it, please tell me." He opened the door and raised a hand to gesture Charlotte should step inside.

She gave Chase a nervous glance before stepping into the room and gasping. All around was filled with canvas, brushes, paints and everything an artist would need. The large window in the room faced the backyard, and she could already imagine how the light would shine in during the morning. She walked around the room slowly as her fingers trailed along benches filled with brushes and paints waiting to be touched. The room had a stool and a lounge, so if anyone wanted to watch, they would be comfortable.

"When?" She questioned as she opened a drawer filled with expensive oil pastels her fingers itched to touch.

"I had Harriet and my Mum help me over the last few weeks. Dad helped me build some cupboards. I always remember how you talked about having a studio in the backyard full of windows for natural light and while this isn't exactly what you dreamed of, it's the closet, I could get until we build you a studio in the yard." Charlotte turned around and faced Chase with a bewildered look that he remembered that from all those years ago.

"You remembered?" She watched as a shy smile graced his face as he stepped closer to her.

"I remembered everything, Charlie. I remember every dream you told me about. I remember all those long conversations we had about our future. I remember all our plans and dreams. I remember it all beautiful." He gently cupped her face into his hands, and she closed her eyes as his lips softly brushed up against her. The kiss was soft, warm and made her feel safe, however as quickly as it started it ended. She felt Chase tuck a loose strand of hair behind her ear and at this moment in the room he created for her, she felt loved.

The feeling was foreign to her, but her heartbeat a little quicker, and she felt a sense of security she hadn't felt in ages, but with this warm fuzzy feeling came the darkness. The darkness that made her shiver and the words love. Words she hated hearing because they meant nothing other than the pain. She tried to push the dark feelings away, but they were always around and lingering.

"I don't know what to say," she whispered as she took a step back from Chase. "Thank you, you have no idea what this means, thank you." She threw her arms around his neck and hugged him tightly.

"I know you might not be ready to paint again, but this is all here for you when you are ready." He kissed the side of her head and Charlotte allowed herself for the first time in years to grasp on tightly to that glimmer of hope there was starting the bloom inside of her. 

****

First I would love to wish everyone a Merry Christmas. I can't believe it has been so long since I have posted and I would like to apologies. 

Everything got super hectic and I honestly had zero time to write or the motivation to write. I hoping to get back to weekly updates again. Finger crossed my brain and fingers will let me type. Hope you enjoyed this chapter Sorry if there was some disconnect as it was hard to get back into the flow. 

Anyway hope you all enjoy it feels good to be back.