The Truth Beneath The Smile (Harry Styles)

Chapter 11

I honestly don't know what to do. I can't go back out there. My whole first year of college is replaying wildly in my mind and I can't think straight anymore. How is it even possible that the girl I've resented for so many years is across the world, in the same city and train that I'm on. Now I'm no scientist but this has definitely got to be Karma.

I've always tried my hardest to be a good person. I would always make sure my bed was made, my homework was done on time, I didn't use any bad language, drink or smoke but all that went down the drain when I got in with the wrong crowd in my first year of college.

My head hurts thinking about everything that happened that year. If only it had gone a different way I could be in a completely different situation right now and I may have actually been happy. But there's no point playing the what if game. It's my fault for getting so caught up with him. I should have given Celíne what she wanted from the beginning.

I wipe my eyes roughly smudging all the mascara I decided to try on earlier in the drugstore. I pick my bags up from the dirty floor and my journal falls on the ground. I scream and rip it up harshly. Trying to soothe the pain in my chest but it doesn't do me any favours. In fact it only makes me feel worse for ruining the only present my mum had given me after years. I flutter the ripped pages into the toilet and flush it not looking back to see if I've flooded it.

I take a deep breath as I take small steps to the back of the train. This is it I can't take anymore. I have nothing left, nothing to live for. No one loves me, No one cares. I can't deal with this. It's one thing after another. I thought this whole situation had been left behind. But there is too much in my past that is going to haunt me forever. I was crazy to think I could actually get over any of it. There comes a point in your life when you know it's time to give up. When you know it's better for everyone if you just let go.

I curl my fingers around the handle and close my eyes. Even though I hated thinking about death. I've always wondered how I would die. I thought for sure I would be murdered or get some type of disease. I never not once expected that I would give up my life on my own accords. But I guess that's the thing about life it's unexpected. You never know what's going to happen.

I open my eyes and look directly on the door. "Fire Exit" is written in Bold letters across the large black door. My palms are sweating more than they have ever before. I can feel my whole body becoming glossy with the biggest decision I've made in my entire life. I glance down at my chest it is rising at a quick pace and I can hear my heavy heart beat loud and clearly in my ears. My legs feel wobbly and I know If I wait any longer I will vomit.

With full force I push open the door. The wind blows vulgarly making my long hair fly back out of my face. The alarm sounds loudly through the train. I can hear the passengers screams and gasps. I take baby steps to the edge of the train. The smoke chugging from the top of the train is visible as it evaporates into the air. The tyres screech loudly against the track. This is it. Every thing I ever worked for, everything I accomplished, every heartache, every tear, ever smile, ever laugh, every single ounce of pain I ever felt it all led up to this tragic event and I'm ready to let it all go.

My left foot snakes it's way further out and I take a deep breath. I didn't even realise I was crying until I feel the tears running down my chest. I pull my right leg to meet my left leg. I close my eyes and with one last breath I finally let go.

The second I let go I feel large warm arms wrap around my body pulling me back. They grip their arms tightly around my hips and pull me back into the train. "Rose, Baby what the hell were you thinking?" My heart instantly shatters as I hear his voice. It couldn't possibly be him could it?