Where There's Smoke

My Family My Therapy

Janae's POV

            I went to the doctor and was officially diagnosed with postpartum depression. I was in therapy now and took an hour a day alone away from everyone. Sometimes I'll just hide away. I'll go get a massage, facial, pedicure, or just take a nap in my room. It was nice. Just that hour away and living in that moment was nice. It was usually when I got off of work I'd take this time. I was sitting by the lake behind the townhouse. It was breezy and I just enjoyed it. The sun was starting to set and I realized I had been gone longer than an hour. I got up and walked back to my place. I grabbed my phone and turned it back on. I say a text from Roman.
My Human🖤: Hey, I hope you're enjoying your you-time!
My Human🖤: Yes baby you take extra time! Val just dropped of Tati.
My Human🖤: Can you pick up some brownie mix, chicken breast, and olive oil?
Me: Yeah, sorry I didn't mean to take long
My Human🖤: It's okay my love, we're doing okay. Adrian is finishing homework, Tati is swinging, and Eva is chasing the dogs.
Me: Aww I'll be home soon
Me: Anything else from the store?
My Human🖤: No, just my baby.
I smiled and pulled out. I drove to the store and got out. I really was enjoying this time alone. I strolled through the aisles. I got the things Roman asked for and a few other things. I got more Cheerios and baby snack for the girls. I got Adrian some of the snacks she likes in her lunch. I got Roman some of the white cheddar popcorn he likes to binge late at night. I was trying to reach a juice from the top shelf. Someone reached for me and handed it to me. I looked over and smiled at the person. "Thank you; I'm a bit vertically challenged."
    "No problem."
    "You look familiar, where do I know you from?" I asked.
    "Oh yeah, you're usually at work when we're all with your husband. I'm Simon, son of Cal, grandson of Mariabella the youngest daughter of Constantine Marchetti the punisher."
    "Oh did Roman do his?! I've only seen him do his once!" I laughed.
    "He hasn't, he could actually swear in to be capo while we're all here. Now who are you? I would really love hear your title."
    "Oh, Angie worked with me for hours on this. I am Paris Janae Maybelle Jackson Marchetti, wife of Roman Lorenzo Marchetti, and daughter of Angelina Clarisse Ricci Marchetti."
    "You haven't sworn in yet?"
    "We've been busy over the past year. No time for that."
    "I can get that. Evangeline she's funny. She's taken a liking to me. She thinks I'm funny."
    "That's good. She usually doesn't take to people at all. She gets that from her dad. Speaking of which, why don't you join us for dinner? I haven't met many of you."
    "Well you won over Ignacio, Keegan, and Junior."
    "They're strange."
    "You haven't met their mom."
    "Well stay for dinner and put in a good word for me." I smiled.
    "I'd hate to impose."
    "You're not." I started walking away. That let him know I wasn't arguing. We checked out and I told him to follow me to my place.

            I was cuddled into bed after dinner. It was a really good evening. Simon was fun and the girls love him. He told Adrian about the ballets he had seen all over the world. He tuckered Eva out. He even got Tati to giggle nonstop. I felt Roman hold on to my waist. His skin on mine was comforting. We had just started this treatment plan a little over a week ago and it was going well. He was holding my hand and just looking at our interlocked fingers. "I really prefer to sleep like this." He kissed my bare shoulder.
    "Oh? You just like sex."
    "Yeah, but we showered and dried off now. This skin to skin is nice. I like the direct contact. It's more intimate." He chuckled.
    "It really is." I agreed. "I think I'm missing something." I wiggled my left hand.
    "I want to get you a new ring. I think we should renew our vows, something small just us and the girls. We could have a little vacation."
    "I'd like that." I smiled."
    "Can I ask you something?"
    "Mhm."
    "Do you ever think of having another baby with me? Just one more."
    "I think this is a shelf conversation when we don't have two babies."
    "Hypothetically."
    "Maybe someday." I know we both wanted a son.
    "Ok."
    "Why do you need a light?" We just laid in silence. I rubbed his arm. I was so comfortable and felt good in his arms. I rolled over and faced him. He just looked at me. The little light from my wallflower reflected in his green eyes. I never bothered to ask why, but he always needed some form of light on in the room at night, whether that be the TV, a candle, or the wallflowers, even when I was in the room with him. I had found out it was worst when he was little. He needed the bathroom light and TV on from what I was told. "When my Zia was killed, she saved me. She put me in the safe room. Her blood seeped through the cracks on the floor and soaked it. It was so dark. I just don't like the dark." He said softly.
    "5 years."
    "What?" His raised his eyebrow.
    "Let's try for a boy in 5 years. The girls will be in kindergarten and Adrian will be in college. We still need a son."
    "Yes, we do." He smiled. Even though he's smiling I know he's been stressed as fuck. I told him my parents or Christina wouldn't have problem watching Eva while we worked, but he's adamant about taking care of her. During my lunch Gianni sent me a picked of him holding a sleeping Eva while having a meeting. It was precious. She was teething and multiple teeth were cutting through at once. Our poor baby had a fever and was miserable. She just wanted to be held by her dad all the time and he did just that. Another picture I saw was him holding her on his hip while talking to one of his relatives. Apparently it's highly uncommon for the bosses to keep their kids while their wives work, if the wives worked at all. Gianni admitted that when he was Capo briefly he would never be seen hold Zariah or anything when he had to do his duties. He said it was frowned upon the few times he did it. Now he and Roman both have their babies in these meetings. "Your mom had told me she used to sit in your dad's meetings. Can I sit in one?"
    "Why?" He seemed legitimately confused.
    "You come sit in my class." I pointed out.
    "Listening to kids sing and trying to prevent a war are two different things." He chuckled.
    "Roman." I nudged him.
    "When I was younger, before you of course. The thought of killing someone didn't bother me. Then I was taught how to kill. Then I had to do it. At first I hated it. Then I became desensitized to it. I compartmentalize it and move on. Nick taught me we only kill when we have to. It's us or someone we love, but that doesn't change the fact that I'm a murderer. While you were pregnant, I had to go deal with something. Of course it ended with that thing dying. I came home and you were sleeping peacefully. You had your hand on your belly. You were safe and comfortable. What put me to sleep was that you and our baby were safe and protected. We have a code. Well at least the children of Stephano have a code. We don't kill the innocent to make a point. We don't do shit to strike fear. We rather not have to. Not all the Marchetti's agree with that though." He just rolled on his back and stared at the ceiling.
    "What do you mean?" I scooted closer and turned is head back toward me.
    "They'll kill an entire family to get a closer to finding out who has killed one of our own. They will burn cities down. There's no code in some of their minds it's hard trying to keep the death toll down." He really just said that way too casually.
     "Oh."
    "While Nick was in Italy someone tried to break into the 7 catacombs."
    "Oh, is anyone..."
    "Accounted for, everyone that's supposed to be in there is there. The thing is the people that are here. They don't know. They don't know who is missing. They don't know that graves have been messed with. They know that Bobby, Francesca, Angel, Dani, and Angelo were killed and that we are taking out anyone that has anything to do with them. It has already been decided already if this means taking out a whole bloodline then so be it."
    "But you said you had a code." I could see he was conflicted.
    "I did, but 3 innocent babies were killed. Two mothers were taken from their families. Two of my brothers were killed in cold blood. As Capo I have to do what I have to do. I don't want you in that meeting because I don't want you seeing me any different."
    "Then why are you telling me now?" I asked.
    "Remember when you were training after our honeymoon. I told you there was a plan if anything were to happen. You agreed to follow it, especially if we were to have kids."
    "Roman, I'm not." Even when he first told me I was very opposed to it.
    "Baby, I made you learn that plan forward and backward. Tell me everything that I can know."
    "Roman."
    "Please." He held my cheek.
    "If something were to happen to you or we needed to leave." I paused and closed my eyes. "If I and our children needed to leave, I am to go to Donovan. He will wipe me and our kids off the map and get us to a place where he and I discussed. We'd be safe and protected there. You made me swore not to tell you the rest. You said it was best for you not to know where because wherever Donovan places us you know we're safe." He just looked pained. "What's going on?"
    "I'd rather you know it now and not need it than to need it and not have it." He smiled.
    "This isn't a say a hurricane hits type of preparedness plan. This is an, if I'm killed plan. Roman, you know I hate when you talk like this. Please just stop. We're finally whole again." He sighed and we laid in silence. I started to drift to sleep as he just rubbed my back I really hated the reality of this shit right now.