Marvel Imagines

I forgive you [STEVE ROGERS]

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[inspired by the mind control during Avengers: Age of Ultron]

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The quiet cricket of wildlife echoed around me as i gently sat myself down on the steps of the decking around Clint's beautiful countryside home. This was the first time i'd felt at peace for the past couple of days. I exhaled deeply as i looked up at the sky, the stars were shining brightly, not a cloud in the sky. There was a cool gentle breeze which soothed my skin.

Over the past week, Tony and Bruce had managed to create a robot. Or as we call it, Ultron. The sarcastic metal man who idealises destruction. We'd all taken quite the beating today after being the victims of mind control courtesy of the little witch following Ultron. Tony and Clint seemed to be the only ones to walk away with their mind regular. Myself, Steve, Natasha, Bruce and Thor were rather shaken, some more than others.

Clint had taken us back to a safe house, which in fact turned out to be his own home. His wife and kids were wonderful and their home was beautiful but i needed some air. I didn't feel safe within my own mind anymore.

>> F L A S H B A C K <<

"i have to do this!" i screamed out, tears rolling down my face. I held the gun up to my brothers head. "it's alright Y/N, i know" he said, tears in his eyes. I shook my head as my hand trembled, gripping onto the pistol in my hand even harder than i thought possible. "why did you do this?" i shouted at him, my voice cracking as my brother smiled at me sadly. "You're doing the right thing, taking us down. Hydra needs to burn" he said. I blinked a couple of times before looking down to the Hudra logo on his uniform. "i'll make this easier for you" He started and i shook my head.
"i've killed innocent people, i was behind the bombings and the drone strikes. you'd be doing me and the world a favour" he said, holding his head high. "there's still a way out of this! just run away" i pleaded and he shook his head. "they will hunt me down and torture me. But what you're going to do is a service and part of your job. I forgive you Y/N" he said and i inhaled sharply. "i don't deserve it" i said "yes . . . you do. Hold onto that" he said as he stood up and walked towards me. I shook my head frantically. "let's end this shall we, together" he said placing his chest against the barrel of the gun. I shook my head as my lip trembled and hot tears rolling down my face. I could hear my own heartbeat thumping in my ears. "Charlie please" i begged him and he placed his hand on my cheek and gave me one final smile.

My finger pulled the trigger. There was a loud bang, but it was muffled out by the sounds of my involuntary cries. It was as if everything was in slow motion. My brother fell backwards, red seeping through his three piece shot. I dropped the gun instantly, stumbling back against the wall, staring at my brothers dead body in front of me.

>> N O W <<

I wiped the stray tear that was rolling down my cheek as i thought back to the darkest moment of my entire life. Discovering my older brother was a high member of hydra destroyed me. My job as an Avenger and previously a SHEILD agent taught me to be prepared but nothing couldn't prepared me for that. I breathed out as i look up at the starts once more, finding peace in thinking Charlie found peace and was with our parents.

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"everything alright?" Steve asked as he sat down beside me on the steps. I nodded slowly and looked down at my feet. "i know we were all pretty badly hit today with having our minds messed with but if you ever need to talk-" Chris started and i placed my hand over his. "i really appreciate the offer but i'd rather keep this to myself" I said more harshly than i intended and he studied my face, reading through me. "maybe it'll be good to talk to someone about it. Nobody on the team is perfect and we'd all understand and support you. It wouldn't change our minds on you" Steve said as i shook my head as i stood up of the stairs and walked down towards the dirt path. "i don't want to talk about it Steve. Now if you wouldn't mind i'd like some alone time" i said, not turning around to face him. "i know it might be hard to open up but-" he started and i rolled my eyes. "i didn't realise you had a PHD in counselling, or therapy. I don't know if you think that just because we both had our minds messed with means we have something to bond over well it doesn't! whatever yours may have been about was nothing compared to what I HAD to go through. So please go away" i shouted, defeated. I'd been pushed to many times today and i had lost my cool. Steve seemed hurt by what i'd said to him, the look of a broken man on his face sparked a pang of guilt within me but i ignored it and turned around, gathering my breath. "mine was about Peggy actually" he said and i couldn't help but deeply sigh. I knew she meant a lot to him and it must've been hard on him seeing her again as he remembered her. "the war was over and we survived. We were together" he said standing next to me. I rolled my eyes slightly. How dare he compare being reunited with a school boy crush to the murder of my brother. I shook my head as i went to walk away from him. "i'm trying-" he said placing his hand around my wrist. I turned around and pulled it off. "don't! you don't need to try to connect with me over this because the fact of the matter is that I KILLED MY OWN BROTHER!" i shouted, tears rolling down my face in between voice cracks. His eyes widened, but quickly softened as he saw how upset i was. "y/n" he said softly and i shook my head. "my brother betrayed me in the worst possible way. He became a HYDRA agent knowing that i worked for SHEILD. He knew that if i ever caught him then i would have to kill him and yet he still took the gamble" i said, anger started consume me as i spoke about him. "so let me ask you this Steve, do you know what it's like to have your own brother forgive you for his death while he's standing in front of you, gun against his chest. He stood there and allowed me to kill him rather than him having to kill me. He wanted to be set free and i haven't felt peace since that day" my tired voice crocked out. My voice was wobbling from trying to hold myself together as i could feel myself screaming from the inside. I wiped my tears with the back of my hand and looked at Steve who was stunned into silence. "thought not" i mumbled quietly as i turned around to continue my walk up the decking stairs and inside the house. As i walked past the kitchen, everyone turned to look at me. There was an eerie silence about the room. Natasha looked as if she'd been crying, but she offered me a soft smile which i returned. Tony looked at me completely stunned and i could only guess they'd overhead me shouting at Steve. As Bruce and Clint turned to look at me i shook my head and ran towards the bedroom Clint had offered me to stay in. I sat down on the bed and tried to get my breathing under control.

My biggest secret and biggest heartbreak was now out there. And despite the fact i trusted these people, my family, with my life, i was still terrified they would treat me differently having found out.

I'm a murder. My brothers blood is on my hands.

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